In the community, a child Lele was sued by the kindergarten teacher to his mother, saying that the child beat people, the child's mother went to the supermarket to buy a lot of things to take the child to apologize to the person who was beaten, and after returning to Canada, it was soft and hard, a long and serious persuasion, a scolding that split the head and covered the face, and even beat the child.
But the results are not ideal, the child will still hit people, often sued by the teacher.
The book "Emotional Attachment" says that the attachment relationship between children and mothers can be divided into three types, namely contradictory attachment relationship, avoidant attachment relationship, and secure attachment relationship.
Lele and the mother's attachment relationship is a contradictory attachment relationship, the child encounters problems in the school, the mother does not ask the child three seven twenty-one to blame the child, teach the child, only believe the teacher, do not suspect that the teacher is not the truth, resulting in the child wants to tell the mother but there is no opportunity to tell, want to be close to the mother but can not get close, so the child's problems have not been channeled, the result of the child's backlog of emotions is more and more, aggression is getting stronger and stronger.
Children who grow up in this kind of attachment relationship will have difficulty investing in or enjoying a relationship, and will never express their true thoughts in the relationship, such as liking a girl when they grow up, secretly looking at her circle of friends, secretly paying attention to her preferences, but when the girl gives her hints, he pretends to be cold, and eventually can only rub shoulders with the person he loves.
The second type is avoidant attachment relationships.
This kind of attachment relationship is easy to occur among left-behind children, that is, he will not be very happy and excited when his parents are there, and he will not be particularly sad when his parents are not there.
For example, I have a friend who went out to work when the child was still very young, until the child was about to graduate from primary school, when they wanted to have a second child, due to the physical reasons of the elderly, they could not help take care of the second child, they could only bring it themselves, and when they took the second child, they found that the boss and themselves were not kissed, how could not kiss, what they said The child is not very important, and it does not have much impact on the child.
When such children grow up, it will be difficult to read each other's emotional signals, nor can they feel their own emotional signals, and they will be in a state of paralysis and wandering in the emotional relationship. For example, when I grew up in a marriage relationship, I couldn't tell what kind of person I liked, just like Zhang Wuji, Zhao Min also liked Zhiruo and didn't refuse.
The third type of emotional relationship is secure attachment relationship.
This attachment relationship is what everyone pursues, in this attachment relationship, the mother is happy when the child is there, and the child will be emotional when the mother is not there but will recover quickly.
Such children will grow up to have very comfortable and free interpersonal relationships, both to express love and to accept that the other party has their own life.
Let's talk about how to help children reduce the negative impact of bad attachment relationships on children.
One, enough games and play
Many times children will say things they don't want to say in real life, and the language of games is the best way for children to communicate.
The most typical game for children to open their mouths is role-playing games.
For example, "Where Did Daddy Go" Zhang Liang and his son use games to resolve various contradictions. Just arrived in the countryside, every day do not like the house they chose, all kinds of tantrums, Zhang Liang and the child roles are exchanged, every day on the emotional release, but also learned the correct way to solve the problem.
Second, observe whether there is a projection phenomenon
For example, those parents who love to be angry often feel that their children love to be irritable and disobedient, in fact, the child's irritability comes from the parents, it is the parents who project to the child, and the parents often mistake their own needs and emotions for the needs and emotions of the children.
For example, if the child does not like to eat egg yolk, the mother is very angry, the child is not happy, that is just the mother needs the child to eat the egg yolk but imposes her own needs on the child.
Parents need to give their children enough respect to avoid projection.
Third, do not excessive corporal punishment
In the education of children, the biggest inertial mistake is the power struggle, that is, if the child does not do what the parents say, the parents will use majesty to control the child, and even beat the child, resulting in excessive corporal punishment.
Such discipline will only have a short-term effect, the child will never obey the parents but the authority, and the child will either retreat and gain security or secretly rebel.
Corporal punishment can be carried out in a manner agreed with the child in advance, rather than scolding and beating.
The American writer Desailais said, "The harmonious family air is a flower in the world, and nothing is gentler than it, and nothing knows better than it the strength and integrity that cultivates the nature of a family." The true happiness and joy of life is soaked in intimate family relationships. ”
The fragrance of flowers raised with heart is refreshing, and the children raised with love can truly bloom life, and it is the unshirkable responsibility of every parent to create a good family atmosphere for children to build intimate family relations, so let us immediately practice love.