Text/Maternal and Infant Journals
Have you ever been born lightly? I've had a baby. Is it? How do you do it, because of what? Let's talk. I haven't had a baby. Oh well, that's it.
Have you skipped class? Not only did I escape, I also climbed over the wall. Oh, that's awesome....
Have you been to KTV or bars? I've been there, I've been to disco! Wow, I want to go too!
I don't know when to start, children begin to use these places where children should not go, what should not be done has become their own behavior label, feel very strong, can show off in front of friends, and even look down on those who live a very regular and obedient life. Some will also rely on their own understanding that no matter what they do, even if they break the law, they will not really punish themselves, so they are more arrogant, but it is more common for children to quarrel with their parents.
"The problems that occur after the age of 12 are caused by before the age of 12. Children develop emotions first, then language, then social development (i.e., social development), followed by the development of ideas and character. ”
This is what Professor Li Meijin said in her speech, she has another identity in addition to her status as a parenting professor, is an expert in psychology, and even analyzes and investigates many cases, which is why she has her own unique views on children's psychology.
Every child has a side to his or her parents who don't know
There is a little boy in Dolly Haydn's "Education record of problem children" who is called "caged boy", which means that as long as he sees others, he will run under the table, which proves that the boy must have a psychological problem, so after continuous efforts, he finally learned the root of the boy's problem: there was a murder related to his relatives at a young age, and he had a tragic past. The girl chapter of this book is also about, she never speaks, but once tied the neighbor's child to a tree to "barbecue", no teacher is willing to accept such a student, and there is also an ulterior secret in the heart.
The biggest feeling of this book is as Professor Li Meijin said, most of the problems that occur in children are related to parents, or the inner hurt of children comes from parents and relatives. And such bad families often have the following four situations:
First, why are you like this again, I don't like this
Mom and Dad said, "Why don't you study?" How come you didn't sweep the floor and mop the floor? How did you fight with others again, why did you disobey again, how did you do it..."
The child said, "Why do you say that again, I don't like that." How did you start hitting me again, I didn't do anything wrong. Why don't you understand me, knowing that I just want to do what I love to do..."
In the face of endless quarrels, presumably the family will not be too harmonious, or even full of gunpowder, or just the Cold War!
Second, mom and dad think that what the child wants after he or she is twenty or thirty years old
We all understand that every parent hopes that the child can take fewer detours and want the child to become a talent, so from an early age, we begin to educate and control the child in the way we think we think, but ignore that the child at this time wants to be not so simple and not so complicated, they just want to do what they want to do now, or want to realize the innocent dream of the moment.
Without experiencing social practice and experiencing it personally, no matter how many big truths parents say at this time, they will not be "moved", but will only let them have the "heartbeat" of wanting to escape from the family.
A child is also a high-achieving student at a first-class university, and even goes abroad to study for many years to "further study" and does not return home, blocking his parents for many years.
In the interview afterwards, the child confessed that I wanted to escape the palm of my parents' hands, I did not want to be controlled by them anymore, and the man felt like a deep hatred with his parents when he said it, but the root cause was only to want to leave his parents.
Third, why do you want to beat your mother again, why do you scold your father again
The previous problems are all contradictions between parents and children, but there is also a problem that the problems between parents are transferred to the children, so that the children become no longer happy! One lawyer found from systematic data that more than 99 percent of the nearly 100,000 domestic violence cases were male perpetrators.
The Women's Federation also surveyed that about 30% of the nearly 300 million families of married women have suffered domestic violence, and the terrible thing is that about 57% of them actually choose to treat this as a domestic affair! However, I would like to say that domestic violence not only affects the feelings between husband and wife, but also destroys the environment of the extended family, and the most direct thing is that it will hurt the children.
Fourth, the family environment similar to "divorce"
Children's emotional feelings are very sensitive, do not think that parents as long as they secretly quarrel, quarrel with their children behind their backs or even divorce can hide from their children or let their children be less hurt. But it is a big mistake to go on like this for a long time, because children are very sensitive to emotional reactions. Many troubled children are bad habits that they develop from an early age living in such a stressful family environment.
As the saying goes: all problems are solved, and things have a good side and a bad side. In my opinion, it is a "lucky" thing to have a problem, because its bad side has been exposed, and as long as we solve it, we will reap the good side.
We can think from another angle, the contradiction is a reaction between parents and children do not understand and show, but this reaction is in a tense way to close the distance between all people, and even because of the emotional excitement will also show the inner thoughts, if at this time someone can calm down and find a solution, you can walk into each other's heart through this opportunity, if handled well, it will make the feelings between each other heat up at the speed of "high-speed rail".
It's easy to solve such a problem, and the key lies in one core idea: mutual understanding!
First, mutual understanding is not a simple kind of I can casually imagine myself, but I need to think seriously, put myself completely in the position of the other party, and even consider gender, age, past growth experience, personality, mood and so on.
Second, there is no complete empathy, but you can experience it yourself, although because of the factors mentioned above, everyone's feelings are different, but you can also appreciate the problems.
Third, more communication, communication is an art, expression is also a skill, if you can clearly express your true ideas to each other, I believe it will reduce many contradictions, so sometimes it is better to think about whether the other party can not talk to themselves is not because their own way of expression is not right, to convey a wrong message to others.
If there is a problem with the child, there is a situation: one or even more children want to say from the bottom of their hearts: What I am most afraid of is that my parents are afraid of too much!
There is a kind of child's annoyance called: Parents, you worry too much!
A person who drifted north said: When I first came, my parents were not very willing, always thinking that I could find a job in my hometown or close to home, and then I kept saying that there were many bad people outside, it was easy to be deceived outside, it was inconvenient to take care of myself outside, it was not convenient to want to go home, etc. In the face of this series of worries, although I was full of emotions in my heart, I could not stand the non-stop verbal worry of my parents, and I often told my parents that I was not small. I can take care of myself.
At that time, I was still interviewing a company, and then my mother kept worrying and kept saying something to me, to be honest, although I knew that my mother was kind, but it really affected my interview and job search, and even when it was difficult, I was not knocked down by the difficulties, but I was affected by the words of my parents, wondering if I was wrong.
This matter is a very simple thing, but also a very common thing, but it reflects a kind of contradiction between parents and children, if you put this small contradiction on the fierce things such as: when the child wants to go to the "Internet café" to play, want to go out with classmates, want to fall in love, and even want to do the work that the parents do not want to find, the outbreak of contradictions is far from the child's home development can be compared. More often than not, it is fierce quarrels, and even hands-on are very common.
Therefore, for children, do not blindly control children, respect and support children, but also learn to correctly say "no" to children. If parents can teach their children before they are six years old, they need to listen to their parents sometimes, learn to refuse and "give up", although it may be very painful for the child at first, but for the future, the child's personality will be better, and later when he is beyond the scope of ability and refuses, the child will not cry, and will also understand, which will undoubtedly reduce the generation of extreme ideas such as "running away from home" and "taking a life".
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