This is a sad topic, and I am still heartbroken to mention it. Contrary to my original intention of being positive and happy, then turn it out of the memory and feel uncomfortable again.
The most painful and desperate day of my life was when I had a child with a child, because I was alone with a child, no one took the handle, my husband earned very little money, it was not enough to maintain the expenses of the family, the mental pressure was very high, the emotions were difficult to manage, and there was mild depression after a long time, and I really wanted to jump off the building to commit suicide at that time. Suicide is good, a hundred.
Often reluctant to buy food, reluctant to buy clothes, they can not even find the value of survival, feel that there is no point in living. I want to go out and find a job, even if the salary is low, I can go out and breathe, even if it is 1 hour, and leave the depressed life. So I told my mother if I could help me take my child for half a year and let me go out and earn some money?
This topic I actually do not want to face until now, my mother's expression at that time I remember very clearly, she was very reluctant, talk about my original family, I am the second daughter, in that era when I had to have a boy, my birth was very embarrassing, I was not welcomed since childhood, I was a lonely child who grew up all the way without love. The relationship between me and my parents is very weak, and many of the big things in my life are decided by myself. She brought up my sister's children from an early age, and my sister took the initiative to bring them without even opening her mouth. Because of her reluctance, I suffered a lot of white eyes, giving 500 yuan a month, she hated me for giving less, my mother's original words: I went to be a nanny and there was more than so much money. I understood what she meant and wanted to give her all the money I earned. Looking at other people's children and grandmothers who love them so much, and then looking at their own daughters can only smile bitterly. I don't have the money to take my children to my mother's house for dinner, I will always remember my mother's disgusted eyes, look, don't take things and come to eat and drink. In fact, I still think that in my most difficult and desperate days, all the wind and rain came from the people closest to me.
I'd love to say if you can help me, just for a while. But all the people around you will say that they do their own things, and no one will understand your desire to commit suicide. It was also from there that I finally learned that people should be strong, rely on no one as well as on their own, have no money and even the people around you look down on you, and the relatives around you can feel his eyes. I told myself that I was going to break out of a road no matter what, and it turned out that I did it step by step, although the road was a bit collapsed now, but during that time I exercised my perseverance and let me know that I should solve the problem. Life does not allow people to be willful, solve problems, fill in the soil when there are pits, or jump over and continue to move forward. Fearless wind and rain, this world is like this, you go to rely on others will only make yourself lose a defeat, do not need to become a strong woman, have survival skills to support themselves.
Some people may say that you should not look for your mother, your own children to bring, please say these words, especially women, think about whether you have completely done it, your mother-in-law completely did not even 1 hour to help you bring? A prisoner still has time to go out to the four-sided prison to breathe. If my husband can ensure that we have no worries about food and clothing, I am willing to concentrate on taking the children full-time, and now I want to laugh at myself, less than 1800 yuan a month's salary, to support a family, and the children still have to eat milk powder. I also want to have money to buy what I want to buy, why did my youth enter the world of living for another person so early? Even trying to buy yourself a small gift and a dress is a luxury.
So I have been constantly trying to learn to enrich myself, and at the same time I like to buy what I want, I don't overdraft, only buy what I can bear, I believe that pleasing myself can work harder to move forward. Come on, fellow travelers.