During the Spring Festival, the joy of the New Year is everywhere, and many young people who are still "playing singles" at the marriageable age have no small troubles. What they fear most when they go home for the New Year is to be urged to marry by their parents, relatives and friends and the people around them - "Is there a partner?" "When will you get married?" "I'm not young, why don't you look for it?" Young people say there is a lot of pressure.
Why do parents always go out of their way to urge their children to find a partner and get married? How should parents deal with their children's marital problems?
What is the reason for the frequent urging of marriage
Case
Aunt Bai and her wife have been retired for a few years, busy for half a life, saving a lot of savings, buying a house for their son and still having small savings, waiting for their son to get married. Although the son has passed the age of establishment, he is not in a hurry to fall in love and get married, and he is busy with work every day and often works overtime. When we had dinner together on the weekend, Aunt Bai always wanted to tell her son which old sister had introduced her son to. But as soon as I mention this, my son is annoyed. Seeing that the mother wanted to stop talking every time, the son also felt a little guilty. Therefore, on the weekend, the son found an excuse not to go home, and the old couple could only sigh at a table of dishes.
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In the city now, there are many situations like Aunt Bai's house. These elderly people have happy families and are financially prosperous. They want their children to replicate their happiness. Such parents are generally more self-disciplined, that is, self-control is better, and benefit from this. Therefore, some parents also have a strong desire to control their children and hope to arrange their children's lives, but their children may not appreciate it.
As the saying goes, without comparison, there is no harm. Parents usually get together and make small talk, and it is inevitable that they will talk about other people's homes. When they learn that children of the same age and family background as their children are married well or beautifully, many parents will inevitably envy them and even feel sour in their hearts. When others care about their children's marriage, the parents of these elderly children can even feel embarrassed. Therefore, when seeing a child with a single shadow, parents always can't help but urge it. In fact, some children are very good and have no difficulty in marriage and love, but they have higher requirements for themselves or their future partners.
There are also some parents who seem to be urging marriage, but are actually unconsciously expressing their negative emotions. After they retire, there are often feelings of anxiety and emptiness, and marriage can allow them to express these emotions to a certain extent.
Hypnosis and marriage can be counterproductive
Kobayashi had a boyfriend before and the two got along very well. However, the father hated that the boy did not have a local hukou and resolutely let Kobayashi break up with the other party. Obedient Kobayashi had to do the same. After the loss of love, no matter how close Kobayashi went on a blind date, he felt that the boys he knew were not as good as his ex-boyfriend. A few years passed, and Kobayashi, who was in his early 30s, was still single.
There are often young people who say that as soon as my parents call me, they say that they are looking for a partner, and I want to hang up, but I can't say it directly, so I have to say "I'm sleepy" or "I'm going to take a shower." Some netizens joked that they had not been home for a long time, and they wanted to go home to reunite with their parents for a long time, and before they arrived home, they were urged to marry, so they considered whether to turn back halfway or change places for the New Year. Although it is a joke, it also reflects the helplessness and boredom of young people for marriage.
In modern society, cultural concepts and marriage rules are different from the past, and young people have their own requirements for marriage. If parents repeatedly urge marriage, it may bring some bad results to the marriage of their children.
Parents' constant urging for marriage may undermine their children's self-confidence. Some children who originally had many advantages will add a sense of crisis after their parents urge marriage, really think that they "will not have this shop after passing through this village", and even reduce the requirements for future partners. Some children are "too sensible", they may choose to obey their parents, under the repeated urging and matchmaking of their families, and marry a person who does not understand or like it, and their life after marriage is "knotty", laying the groundwork for future marriage misfortune. Some children are resisting new relationships because their parents broke up with people they originally liked, but they are actually protesting their parents' interference with themselves. Some children have a cold or even antagonistic relationship with their parents after their parents continue to urge marriage.
Be yourself and enjoy a colorful life
Elderly friends should strive to manage their marriages well. If the parents' own marriages are happy, stable, and vibrant, then they will naturally set an example for their children. Because children will see the most real pattern of male and female relationships from their parents.
Elderly friends should manage their emotions. If parents have anxiety, worry and frustration all day, they must not borrow the topic to play, borrow things to lyrically, and transfer the anxiety to the child. This is irrational, unfair to children, and does not help. Parents, regardless of whether their marriage is happy or not, should try to live their own lives as much as possible and avoid too much emotional dependence on their children.
Elderly friends should have certain boundaries with their children. Such boundaries can make both parties feel safe and free. Parents can talk about life and the past with their children on an equal footing, and at the same time discuss their views on marriage and exchange the pros and cons of choosing a partner, but they do not have to force their children to agree with their own views. After all, life experience is a summary of the aftermath, if the children do not have certain experiences, even if the parents are bitter, sometimes it is difficult to convince the children.
Source: Geriatric Health News
Author: Department of Clinical Medicine, Beijing Huilongguan Hospital
Deputy Chief Physician Song Chongsheng
Review: Expert of the National Health Science Popularization Expert Database
Professor Wang Shaoli of Beijing Huilongguan Hospital
Planner: Wang Juncong, Tan Jia
Editor: Lu Yimin, Park Qinying