Author | Fan Deng Reading · Ding Zhiyuan
Anchor | Fan Deng Reading · Chu Qiao
Nescafe once made a classic advertising short film" "How Many People We Will Meet in Our Lives".
At the beginning of the short film, a stadium of 80,000 people is full of people who have intersected with the male protagonist.
At the end of the short film, the male protagonist says: "If we have lost contact, please sit down." ”
As a result, in the 80,000-person arena, several people who had just stood just now also sat down.
In the end, only the male protagonist stood alone on the stage.
Although the advertisement is short, it is a true portrayal of the interpersonal relationships in the lives of countless people.
The older you get, the more you find that the people around you are drifting away, the important people are getting fewer and fewer, and the people who stay behind are becoming more and more important.
Thousands of people in the sea, from meeting each other to know each other, is a particularly rare fate.
As Zhang Xiaoxian said:
"The cause of the cause is extinguished, the edge of the thick edge is weak, it is not something we can control."
What we can do is to cherish that short time during the karmic meeting. ”
It is not easy to meet, and we must not let the relationship that could have been long-lasting break down because of our own reasons.
Happiness sharing with others is two happiness, and sharing pain with others is half pain.
Sharing allows each other to have more interaction, and in the interaction, the relationship is gradually heating up.
Friend Lee, who worked as a copywriter at an advertising agency.
At each internal discussion of the project, colleagues actively spoke, but she only listened and took care of herself.
After work, in the face of colleagues' dinner invitations, she always used the excuse of refusing and chose to go back to her rental house.
Because she likes to be alone in everything, she has almost no friends.
Instinctively resisting sharing and interacting with others, she built a wall of hearts inside herself to isolate herself.
Her former friend Lina is an enthusiastic person, and whenever she finds a new restaurant, she will ask her to try it with her, but she has not replied.
Once, Lina learned that she had won the Copywriting Association Progress Award and took a taxi to her house to celebrate her out, but she said she only wanted to be alone at home.
Repeated refusals, leaving Lina disheartened, unable to open up to Lee anymore, slowly the relationship broke up.
Lee refuses to share and interact with everything, and also rejects love and care outside the wall of his heart, turning himself into an island.
The poet John Dorne once said:
"No one is an island, no one can live on their own."
Many times, self-enclosed, no longer listen to the voice of the outside world, no longer express their own demands, and at the same time have no quarrel with the world, they also lose their initial confidence and courage in life.
Refusing to share will amplify our loneliness and sadness, and make us lose the strength to resist the storms of life.
In the long run, it is not only the friend who loses, but also the happy self.
A good relationship needs to be shared with each other, to establish connections and resonance in acceptance and listening, and to deepen the feelings between each other.
As the writer Bi Shumin said:
"Just because we are born lonely, we can't refuse love, and the cherishing of your life that you feel from others will actually greatly strengthen our own strength." 」
Sanmao once said: "No matter how close a friend is, the measure cannot be lost, and he thinks he is familiar with it, and the result is that he is isolated." ”
No matter how whipped into it, no matter how good the relationship, once it loses its measure, it is not far from collapse.
My cousin and Xiaojuan are good friends who grew up together, and the two have the closest relationship, but they have been making trouble recently.
Asked why, my cousin complained:
"Xiaojuan always makes inappropriate jokes in front of my boyfriend, we just had a relationship, but she told each other about my previous athlete's foot, and also told me the details of my treatment of athlete's foot, so embarrassing!" 」
Xiao Juan's behavior made her cousin very uncomfortable, and there was also a gap between the two.
Friends can tease each other, but when other people are present, they should be measured in their speech.
Exposing or telling other people's troubles in public may seem humorous, but it is actually annoying.
The ancients said, "The mouth can spit out roses, and it can also spit out tribulus terrestris." ”
No matter how close friends are, if there is no scale of jokes, they lose their rightful measure, and getting along will become a social disaster.
There is a saying, "To get a man, you have to go near him; if you want to lose a man, you have to go to him infinitely." ”
Life is like a ruler, there must be a degree. Feelings like faces, don't cross the line.
There is a line in the TV series "Gold Medal Investor":
"I respect your independence, and you respect mine." A relationship that can be separated is a real relationship. ”
Whether it is family affection, friendship or love, many times, the relationship between each other is not due to long-term disconnection, but to get too close.
Meng Fei once said: "Whether I am a host or a person, I am willing to deal with the kind of people who know how to score inches." ”
When we were young, we always longed for glue-like feelings, and when we grew up, we found that the most comfortable state for two people to get along with is: grasp the measure and not overkill.
No matter how close the relationship is, once it crosses the line and has no measure, it will eventually escape the fate of going farther and farther.
There is an issue of "Love Defense War" with the theme: I can't stand your excessive dependence on me.
The gentle and beautiful girl Xiaoyu is very dependent on her boyfriend and always hopes that the two can stick together at all times.
The boy said that once he was going out for training, but Xiaoyu would not let him, so he had to go with him, so she hid the boy's suitcase.
In addition, Xiaoyu pushes everything in life to her boyfriend to help.
For example, Xiaoyu herself does not go to find a job, she wants her boyfriend to help find it, and she chases the drama at home, if her boyfriend does not help, then Xiaoyu will break up.
Over time, the boy was exhausted and said he "didn't feel any joy" now and wanted to break up.
There are many more such things.
Coincidentally, a husband who has been married for three years has complained to himself:
It felt like my wife was becoming more and more dependent on me. A day of phone calls, WeChat continuously, as long as I do not reply in seconds, she will immediately become anxious.
Some time ago, when she changed jobs, she felt that she could no longer think independently.
Very professional questions she did not ask seniors or teachers, came to ask me. I don't know what to do, I can only do it with her.
I feel more and more tired, we only have one son, but I am like raising a son and a daughter, really tired.
Whether in love or in marriage, there is nothing wrong with relying on each other moderately.
But sometimes "overly" relying on the other half will cause a lot of trouble to the other party, making the other party physically and mentally exhausted.
Psychologist Honey pointed out in her analysis of dependent personality:
Their excessive desire for closeness and belonging will continue to evolve and distort in life.
This desire is compulsive, blind, irrational, and has nothing to do with real feelings.
In any intimate relationship, independence is too strong, easy to make people feel alienated; too strong dependence, easy to make people feel tired.
Therefore, don't think of over-dependence as love, but learn to rely moderately.
Excessive dependence will not only deepen the other party's tiredness, but also lose the self.
Therefore, before asking the other party for help, please do what you can independently and avoid over-dependence.
In the "Secret Buried by Time" written by the writer Tong Hua, there is such a sentence:
"There are many kinds of encounters in the world, and the most beautiful is to meet you in my most beautiful time."
Every relationship from the beginning to the final wave goodbye is inseparable from each other's careful management.
There are shares and enjoyment, feelings can accompany each other for a long time;
No matter how good the relationship is, it is also necessary to know how to move forward and backward;
Moderate dependence, the relationship between each other is closer.
The road knows the horsepower, and the people's hearts are seen for a long time.
In the long river of years, long-term relationships will be screened and precipitated by time, and will be renewed over time.
The maintenance of the relationship not only requires each other's intentions, but also requires each other in this relationship, sharing with each other without crossing the line, not relying on each other, but only trusting each other.
The longest time for two people to get along is not tired of getting along.
There is no fixed form of rigidity, no imprisonment that must be done, and some are shared and responded to by peach and rewarded with Qiong Yao.
The rest of your life is not long, be sure to be with someone who is comfortable.
Click "Watching", may you have a confidant and a good encounter.
Author | Ding Zhiyuan, accompany you through the summer flowers blooming, see the autumn leaves Quiet Beauty, let the spring go, winter come.
Editor-in-Chief | A doctor
Typography | Zheng to the north
Music | secret garden - Papillon