"Brave New World" said: "In the short decades of life, the most important thing is to satisfy yourself, not to please others." ”
Recently, I saw a short video on the Internet about my daughter eating another donut, and the father went to the child to share it. The daughter thought about splitting the bagel in two and gave the small one to her father.
The girl told her father, "I want to eat the big half." ”
Perhaps in the traditional way of education, we will tell this child that the earth should be left to others like Kong Rong let the pear, and even some stereotypical parents will blame the child for this.
But this father's way of education is worth learning from, and he affirmatively told his daughter:
"You are right, sharing is to share your excess things with others, rather than giving what you need and want to others, and choose to wrong yourself." 」
Once upon a time, we were taught when we were young: you have to be sensible, you have to learn to share, so that you can appear to be tutored.
So many people learn to please their parents when they are young, and when they grow up, they please the people around them, but they only forget that their feelings are also very important.
But when you start taking the first step of pleasing others, you are already in an unequal position. Choosing to gain the other person's approval and seek security by constantly pleasing others is the first step in your inability to gain a sense of security.
There's a movie called The Life of the Rejected Pine Nuts. The protagonist Matsuko is a woman who is extremely lacking in love and eager to love.
Since childhood, in order to make fun of his father, he has not hesitated to play ugly and grimace. Seeing her father smile, she thought she had received his approval.
So in the face of her father, who rarely smiled at her, she firmly remembered this way. So that after becoming an adult, he still wanted to smile at his father by playing a grimace, but he was disgusted by his father.
When Matsuko got married, in order to please her husband, she lost her life goal and was willing to sacrifice herself for the wishes of others. In the end, Matsuko didn't get the results she expected.
We need to know that what we get will not last long. Human nature is like this, the more you please him, the more he will take it for granted, and even look down on you.
Whether it is friendship or love, it depends on the attraction between each other, not on pleasing and touching. Blindly currying favor with each other will not win anything for us, but will only make you feel more tired and more aggrieved.
People with flattering personalities always put their needs last
It is difficult to make people feel that repressed relationships are difficult to last, and people with flattering personalities always care about the every move of others, and in order to get the approval of the other party, they will bend over backwards and put their own needs last.
They always think that if they do better, they will definitely get the approval of the other party, but in fact, we don't have to let everyone around us like themselves, appreciate themselves, and become their friends.
Life is only a few short decades, if we waste time on caring about what others think of us, then what is the value of our lives?
Moreover, the things you care about may be nothing more than a passing cloud in the eyes of others. No one puts too much thought into someone else and focuses too much on one person. You think about how to do it, and maybe others don't remember it at all.
It's good to know how to help and love others, but you must remember not to lose yourself, completely cut off the edges and corners, and forcibly live yourself into a way you don't like.
People with a flattering personality are best at easily denying themselves
No one is perfect, to listen to their own inner voice, to constantly deny themselves, is unable to grasp the steering wheel of life.
When we stand at the top, naturally some people look up to you; when we fall into the trough, don't be afraid of others to belittle you.
Everyone has a weak side, but as an adult, you must have the ability to be independent. Don't always say, "I can't do it," even if you're at a low point, you don't have to give up.
As the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, "Do not easily deny yourself, but accept yourself unconditionally." ”
Life is a process of continuous trial and error, trying to embrace and alleviate your "negative emotions", which is a great progress in itself.
Denying our own value is a manifestation of not loving ourselves, in the long road of life, we will gradually find that "loving ourselves" is the cure for making our lives smooth and even making life miracles.
And the low degree of self-worth identification, let many people blindly deny themselves, saying "I am not good, I am not worthy, I do not deserve", and the embodiment of these personalities and "pleasing others" complement each other, will make others look down on you more and more, more importantly, will make your life continue to hover in the trough.
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The world is so big, thank you, you can see me!
[Wen | Wei Wei'an: the pen has temperature, for the voice of emotion, an atypical writer who loves words, invites you to perceive life together]