The footsteps of the Spring Festival are getting closer and closer, and the elders who have young people of the right age in the family have broken their hearts in addition to the Zhang Luo family's New Year's food and clothing for the New Year, and the lifelong events for their children are also broken.
No, lunch time is coming, next to the small round table in the unit canteen, several elder sisters who are about to retire are chatting happily. Especially those who have daughters at home have shown their standards for future sons-in-law.
Sister Zhang said that there is this precious daughter in the family, as long as she likes it. Liu Jie believes that men must have a sense of enterprise, and being able to earn money to support their families is the first. Sister Li said bluntly that her daughter was spoiled and willful from an early age, and she had to find a kind and good-tempered boy.
Yes, parents love their children, they must think about the long term for them.
Can't accompany her daughter for a lifetime, watch her marry a good husband, care for her like yourself, love her, become the top priority of parents in the world.
Romain Rolland famously said: "You don't have to force love, you have to be responsible for marriage." ”
In the face of the marriage of her daughter, how can we be a good gatekeeper?
As a mother, the most important thing to remind her daughter is that there are three kinds of men who are not worthy of trust, and no matter how much they love, they should not marry.
The first: men who are physically and mentally unhealthy
Physical and mental health is the foundation and guarantee of family happiness.
No matter what kind of family, whether there is money or not, whenever there is a person in the family who is sick or in poor health for many years, life will seem depressed and dull. Men, in particular, have been regarded as the pillars of the family since ancient times, and once the body collapses, life cannot be passed.
A few years ago, a friend's sister fell in love and got married freely, and in the second year after marriage, she found that her husband suffered from uremia, and spent all the family's savings and failed to save her life. My friend's sister was hit by this and almost became depressed.
Although this situation is a case, the mother still has to give her daughter a wake-up call, before marriage must understand whether the man has a family medical history, pay attention to the boyfriend's physical condition, premarital physical examination is even more sloppy.
After all, no one wants their daughter to face a sick seedling all day in the future.
In addition to physical health, mothers should remind their daughters to pay attention to whether boys have personality and psychological problems.
If the boy is found to be paranoid, grumpy, and does not follow him in some things, he will issue harsh words to threaten; or narrow-minded, restrict the girl's freedom of movement, do not allow the girl to have contact with other members of the opposite sex, or break up decisively.
Otherwise, if he is acquiesced in this before marriage, he will be more arrogant after marriage.
Here, the girls are given a little trick to test the character of men.
For example, deliberately not listening to him on something, but twisting with him, making him angry, or even trying to provoke him, and then observing his performance and reaction.
If he thinks you are unreasonable, simply ignores your ideas, takes cold violence against you, and insists on going his own way; or shows impatience, loses control of emotions, and yells at you, such a man should be careful.
You know, he can yell at you before marriage, and he may punch and kick you after marriage.
On the contrary, even if he does not agree with you, he is listening to you carefully from beginning to end, coaxing you, letting you, and even unconditionally accommodating you, indicating that he loves you very much and is reluctant to lose his temper with you.
Such a man is worthy of your lifelong trust.
The second type: men without responsibility
A man without a sense of responsibility, no one in sight, he is the center of the world, he only wants the people around him, coaxing her, following him, serving him, never considering taking even the slightest responsibility.
Do you remember Shao Qing, the second-born mother in Hangzhou who was forever frozen in 32 years old and died suddenly due to sudden "cardiac arrest for 30 minutes"?
People thought it was an accident, but Shao Qing's parents found a clue in their daughter's mobile phone: a few nights before Shao Qing's death, she had repeatedly sent messages to her husband for help because she felt heart-upset.
Her husband either replied that "there was something going on outside" or simply didn't respond at all, spending his days outside drinking until 12 p.m.
In the mobile phone memo, Shao Qing also recorded that it was inconvenient to do things with her stomach upright during pregnancy, not only did she not get her husband's thoughtfulness, but it caused disgust; her postpartum mood was not good, and her husband not only did not give comfort, but also made groundless accusations and ridicule.
From Shao Qing's experience, we see how an extremely indifferent and irresponsible man, with an iron heart, will give his life to a married wife who has children for himself, single-handedly push into the abyss of suffering, and die in The Yellow Spring.
Such a man, just think about it is terrible!
Women's expectations for a good marriage lie in getting a sense of security and happiness from men. No matter what she encounters in life, the man can accompany him and is the one who will always carry things with her.
On a business trip on the train, I saw a small couple travelling with children. I don't know if I was frightened or unwell, and the child cried from the moment he got into the car.
Nearly four hours of driving on the road, the child has been held and coaxed by women, whether it is drinking water or feeding, but men never know how to take the handle, like no one else, playing mobile phones and watching dramas.
Men without a sense of responsibility have always only cared about their own leisure and happiness, pushing all the big and small things to women with weak sex, completely ignoring how hard it is for their wives.
If a daughter marries such a man, she must bear the hardships of life alone.
And this is a result that any mother does not want to see.
The third type: men with oedipal complexes
Men with oedipal complexes lack of initiative from an early age, and all things depend on their mothers, no matter how old they are, as long as the mother says something, they should follow the holy will.
Even if he got married and started his own family, the first person in his heart was still his mother.
To be a wife for such a man, in addition to coordinating the relationship between husband and wife, there is a more tiring mother-in-law relationship. In dealing with the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, he will never discuss and will not work with you.
Remember that "I got divorced because of a small size underwear" story? There is a local custom for brides called "de estrangement", before the girl gets married, the man buys a new set of clothes for the bride, including underwear.
The woman in the incident found that the underwear bought by the man was two yards smaller, which according to the customary interpretation is the meaning of "wearing small shoes". This is obviously intentional on the part of the man. The implication is that the girl marries into the man's family, talks and does things according to the rules, but it cannot be up to you.
The girl's parents saw through the man's heart, was very angry, and asked the man to change the appropriate size. The man did not agree. So there is a scene on the wedding day, where the woman prevents the man from welcoming the kissing team into the door.
It turned out that this underwear was deliberately picked by the mother-in-law, and her idea was that on the first day of her son's marriage, she would have to calm her daughter-in-law, and everything in the future would be arranged by the mother-in-law.
Therefore, when the girl's parents proposed that "if you don't change the appropriate size, you won't agree to your daughter getting married", the mother-in-law responded unceremoniously: "If you don't marry, don't marry, leave!" ”
Infuriatingly, the boy actually echoed: "If you can't wear it, just wear the old one." A look of "only the mother is listening" and "only the mother is from".
The girl's parents eventually chose to withdraw from marriage, protecting their daughter's thoughtfulness.
Some netizens bitterly complained about their feelings with men with oedipal complexes: "I feel like a third party or spare tire." "In such a home, it is easy to become a nanny + fertility tool + money-making tool."
Smart parents will never marry their daughter to a man with an Oedipus complex unless she has the wisdom and ability to get along with such a man.
Since ancient times, marriage is a big thing, the choice is not right, and there is a lot of trouble. Some people compare marriage to a woman's second reincarnation, and it makes sense to think about it carefully.
Parents do not want their children, not only encounter the first sight of the heart, when they know each other to appreciate, after acquaintance to accept the beautiful love, but also hope that after the two people get married, they can keep each other in the ordinary, support in difficulties, do not give up in the flow of years, and live together for a lifetime.
When a daughter grows up, her mother must give her this advice:
Men who are physically and mentally unhealthy, men without responsibility, and men with oedipus complexes, these three kinds of men are not worth trusting!
For the sake of her daughter's happy life, the mother should especially remind her that before marriage, she must keep her eyes open and find someone who can be entrusted for life.
Today's Topic:
Regarding mate selection, what kind of person do you think is not worthy of companionship?
Flower Shadow World: Focus on interpreting the emotional problems of marriage, and give you comfort and warmth in the hustle and bustle of the world