"One morning, Gregor Samsa awoke from an uneasy sleep and found himself lying in bed transformed into a giant beetle."
If you rank the beginnings of all the most exciting novels in the world, Kafka's Metamorphosis must be at the top.
This novella, published in 1915, is also recognized as the beginning of Western modernist literature, which turns into a beetle without warning as a small person without self, leading to an absurd transformation of life, exposing the selfishness and coldness of human nature in plain and trivial details.
Reading this novel as a young person, I loved the imagination and absurdity of this novel, but people found out in middle age that everyone lives involuntarily, imagination, mostly based on reality, absurdity, and perhaps the background of life.
Only the pain and tears after the loss of self are their own.
You can get tired, but you can't fall
When Gregor found himself turned into a beetle in the morning, his first reaction was not to panic or to ask for help, with only one thought in his mind, don't be late for work:
"It's better for me to get up for now, because the train is going to leave at five o'clock."
Gregor was a traveling salesman for a company, rising earlier than the sun every day, then taking samples, catching the train at five o'clock, stating new samples to the workers in the shop, and then going to the company.
Outside, he was full of business stimulation, bearing the fatigue of the journey, considering the intermodal transportation of trains, and eating irregularly, so that there was no human touch of frequent change of carriage and horse traffic, day after day.
This is an ordinary social animal day, people have not arrived at the company, the itinerary is full, galloping in the traffic rush, early out and late return to 996, every day for work like a gyroscope soulless operation, as Kundera said:
"There is no initiative, no creation, no freedom of action, only orders and rules."
Every time he walked into the company, he wanted to rush into the boss's office, pull down the guy sitting at the desk talking condescendingly, and shout, "I'm not going to do it!"
However, after imagining this scene a hundred times, the reality dangled in front of him, and then pressed his emotions down--"In order to pay off his parents' debt, which I am afraid will have to pay for five or six years--I am absolutely going to pay it off." ”
In reality, what is even more pitiful than the social animals are middle-aged social animals like Gregor, who are tired but dare not fall down, because they have borne too many helpless responsibilities and pressures.
When I woke up every morning, there was no way out, no way out, and I could only grit my teeth and work hard.
But today Grigore was in a different situation, his body was unusually wide, and he needed arms and hands to help him stand up.
He didn't have these two things now, only many tiny legs, and he was constantly moving, and he couldn't control the movement of his calves.
After spending more than 2 hours, Gregor finally slowly moved his clumsy body out of bed, at this time it was already eight o'clock, an hour after the opening of the company, and his father's voice came from outside the door: "The company representative has come." ”
The indifferent workplace cannot tolerate a single mistake. The company representative came to the house to ask Whether Chagrigor was pretending to be ill at home.
When he opened the door and saw Gregor turn into a bug, the representative turned around in fright and ran, leaving Gregor behind him with his almost pleading cry:
"I dressed immediately, wrapped up the samples, and set off... I was very loyal to my boss, and my parents and sister needed me to do my filial piety. I pay off my debts with work, and only work has a way out. Please don't embarrass me too much..."
However, the sound he made was only the cry of a bug that no one understood. Watching the representative take three steps and make two steps disappear, Gregor was very desperate.
His desperation is no different from the sick employees of the twenty-first century who have been laid off by the big Internet companies.
People only care about whether you fly high or not, they don't care whether you are tired or not.
Just as no one pities Grigore's situation as a bug, cares about how he is, searches for a why.
Some are just full of disgust and flee into the wilderness.
Don't test human nature, don't test people's hearts
Gregor turned into a beetle, panicking not only the company representatives, but also his family.
The father stomped impatiently, raised his cane and newspaper, and made a "hiss" sound from his mouth to drive Gregor into the room.
The mother jumped up in fright and kept shouting, "Help, oh my God! Help me! And the sister who recognized Gregor was crying helplessly in fear.
Gregor crawled back into the room, he understood their fear of facing his physical abnormality, but before he realized it, their deeper fear stemmed from the fact that Gregor, who had become a bug, had lost his job and had no way to support his family, or even needed them to feed. The family's savings can only last for a maximum of two years.
Without financial resources, the family's room had to be rented out and the family had to go out to work.
His father became a bank run, his mother sewed underwear for outsiders, and his sister worked as a tired salesman. The family got busy, and Gregor became a burden on the family.
It is said that there is no filial piety in front of the bed for a long time, and there may be no loving parents.
When Gregor changed from the pillar of the family to a beetle, it was as if an untime bomb was planted in the home, and the relationship between the family was slowly changing.
When Gregor was able to work to earn money, his family thanked him and praised him.
When he "deformed", the family insisted on taking care of him for more than 1 month, making sure that he would not improve any more, the cleaning began to be perfunctory, the food delivered was also leftovers, and the family's attitude became worse and worse.
Although Gregor's pain is unknown and forgiving, he does not blame his family, but still longs to change back to the prototype and support the family.
When he tried to protect his family again, he did not think that he would lose the world.
One day, the tenants of the house asked their sister to play the violin for them, but they smoked cigarettes, listened carelessly, and showed great impatience.
Gregor hugged his sister, and he struggled to move his body, trying to pull her sister's dress and let her go back to the room to play, but he exposed himself to the tenants and was disgusted.
When the tenant asks to cancel the rental agreement, the family's patience reaches its limit, and even his sister, who was once the kindest to him, feels ashamed to see people:
"This situation cannot be continued. In front of this monster, I could not say my brother's name. We have to try, to get rid of it. ”
She locked Gregor's door completely.
Before the door closed, Gregor took one last look at the family, the sister wrapping her arms around Daddy's neck, the mother already asleep, the three of them calm and warm, this home, as if it had never had him.
This nearly shattered Gregor's last hope of survival.
Yang Dai, who has experienced the cold and warm of human feelings, once said:
"Only in a humble position can we most easily see the truth of human nature."
Gregor has always treated his family with sincerity and selflessness, believing that the efforts between family members are the most reckless in return, but they have forgotten that human nature is selfish, and no matter how deep the relationship, it cannot resist change, and no matter how close the feelings, they cannot withstand the drag.
Don't overestimate any intimate relationship, especially the relationship is based on the relationship that is maintained with money, based on a person's endless efforts, and it is impossible to estimate whether the solidity of the relationship is strong over time.
The next day, when the maid came to clean the room, she found a dead beetle on the ground.
It should be said that Gregor died alone.
Without self, one becomes a hostage
It was Gregor's misfortune to suddenly become a beetle, and even more unfortunate was that when his life changed, no one in the whole world he had paid for accepted him.
Is the workplace too cold and cruel, or is the relatives too cruel and cold?
The reason for this is that before he gave up Gregor in this absurd world, he had already given up on himself from the heart.
Before turning into a beetle, Gregor lived for work, and his life schedule was only work.
In his words, "Other salesmen lived like noble ladies in the harem." For example, when I returned to the hotel in the morning to collect the arrived orders, the old men were eating breakfast. ”
And he lived "to be a dog of the boss."
On the surface, Gregor had no way out to pay off his debts, but he never thought that he was so young and self-motivated, but he had lost the courage to find a more reasonable and effective job to pay off his debts, or to find breathing space in the gap between work debts.
As Kafka said, "Fear of losing one's job corrupts one's character." Life is like that. ”
Such a life seems stable, but it makes Gregor be dragged by this "dare not", in the mediocre toil to take all freedom, painting the ground as a prison.
This is true at work, and in life Gregor lives for his family.
In fact, although the family is difficult, but it is not exhausted, Gregor has put himself on the only pillar of the family on the "high ground" - to pay off the debts of the family, to provide a beautiful house, to realize the musical dream...
All this has gone beyond the "must" paid by the family members, but it has made the family develop the habit of being at ease and in the name of family affection, and plundering him nakedly.
When you take the needs of others as the focus of your own life, or even the reason to try to live, your value is always based on the requirements and evaluations of others.
The lack of self makes people forget to think, give up struggling, stop resisting, and become hostages in other people's lives.
After turning into a beetle, even though Gregor himself endured the great pain of "deformation", he was always cautious about causing trouble to his family and apologized for the change in his family's life.
But none of this is useful, and the tide is already surging in the calm life. Gregor, who has lost himself, cannot meet the needs of his family at the moment when the kinship and blood relationship have long disappeared.
For Gregor, the acceptance of his loved ones was the only reason for him to overcome insects and maintain humanity.
The night his family abandoned him, Gregor's own life for others also lost the meaning of existence, and destruction became inevitable.
After Gregor's death, the family seemed relieved at last. What's even more frightening is that the story doesn't have a sad ending.
After losing their son, the parents pinned their hopes for the future on their sisters - "It is time to find a good partner for her." "It's a testament to their new dreams.
Looking at my now young and energetic sister, I thought that maybe one morning soon she would also undergo another metamorphosis, perhaps becoming a butterfly, but with broken wings.
Throughout Gregor's life, he has lived to please others.
The deformation of the body is no longer important, he has lost the sense of individual independence, the spirit has long been deformed, he is no longer himself, but the "public self".
In fact, many of us were Gregor, but we didn't turn into beetles.
The reason for satisfying my boss at work and satisfying my family in life seems to be understandable: I want to earn money to support my family, like every middle-aged man who quietly carries all the burdens.
But I forgot, is every middle-aged person who carries a heavy load forward just a tool person? Is all the effort in life not worthy of satisfying your life?
"Deformation" may be a "punishment" for Gregor, but it is also a wake-up call for us:
Away from those who take it for granted, the meaning of our existence is not to be someone who needs others, our efforts are not taken for granted, and most importantly, let our efforts achieve ourselves.
To think for the sake of others, but also to live for themselves.
This is the strongest armor against this world.
Author | There are good in the north, enjoying the little girl Bo and observing the social love life
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