There are a lot of such emotional troubles: "Why is my girlfriend always angry at every turn, saying that I am so bad, that is not good, I am usually so good to her, how can she say that?" In addition to this, there are some who say this: "Actually, my boyfriend and I are very much in love, but every time we encounter something, we always can't help but pick each other's thorns." 」 Every time the other party complains, in fact, it is consuming the feelings between us, what should we do to get rid of such a state? ”
In fact, Xiaobian is very able to understand their mood, because in an intimate relationship, the words complaining and accusing are actually high-risk words. Two people who love each other must be because they appreciate each other and hope to help each other and understand each other in the future, but why do they become two people who hurt each other over time? And once love is carried out to this point, in fact, it is a relatively big test for both parties, whether you can survive this difficult pass and go to happiness depends on how you face this challenge.
Previously, a well-known psychotherapist John Gert slowly did a study and found that the reason why most couples break up is not actually because they are not in love, but the most fundamental reason is that some trivial things make them quarrel and complain, which is the culprit that causes emotional breakdown. In fact, such a situation is relatively common, because no matter how perfect two people live together, there will inevitably be friction, this friction will cause dissatisfaction on one side, and then there will be complaints and accusations.
Blaming and complaining is the fastest way to ruin a relationship!
A relationship, from strangeness, communication, love, and then marriage, one person's choice, the end of two people, no one has ever thought that it is difficult to get married, and it is so simple to abolish a marriage.
Marriage means running a family, running a life, everything in marriage seems to be as natural as water, but it is as difficult as crossing mountains and mountains.
The greatest source of people's suffering is anger at their own incompetence. In life, unsatisfactory things are more than ten times eight or nine. Male and female, experiencing happiness, experiencing dreams, also experiencing pain, experiencing reality... Reality often has a gap with dreams, the gap is large, the complaint is large, the gap is small, and the complaint is also small.
Only after experiencing it will you understand that the best way to break a marriage is to complain endlessly. Complaining, like hatred, erodes people's confidence and courage to live.
Always complaining, how much damage does it really hurt the feelings of both parties?
(1) Cause harm to the other person's self-esteem
Sometimes, complaining is actually a blow to the other person's self-esteem, why do you say that? Because when one party complains about the other half, it is certainly not empty, there must be a reason, perhaps one party did not do a good job when doing a thing, and the other party chose to directly put the problem on the surface, blame, complain about his problems in this regard, and these problems are actually very clear in his heart, but for him, he wants to get more encouragement and support from his partner, rather than blindly complaining and accusing, if the number of such times is more and more, Putting everything on the table will even make the other person feel that it is insulting and disrespectful to him. After all, no one wants to be looked down upon by their partner. It's a very big blow to their self-esteem.
(2) The accumulation of negative emotions in feelings
In fact, in many cases, you can point out each other's problems, and then accuse, it is more positive, constructive, but in the relationship, two people will always look at things with some filters, thinking that what they are doing, the other party must recognize themselves, the other party is the most supportive of their own people, how can they refute themselves?
So in fact, the complaints and accusations in the relationship are usually some cases with more negative emotions. For example, two people have not traveled together for a long time, in fact, when you say this sentence, it is more of a hope that the two of you can travel together. But the other side sounds like a kind of complaint and accusation, accusing why they didn't go on a trip together, and the more this negative emotion will explode, such an outbreak will have a certain impact on the relationship between the two people.
When we love in the wrong way, it only makes the mind go farther and farther. The best feeling is mutual understanding, do not blame in case of trouble!
Many people make such mistakes in their young relationships. They give each other a true heart, but it is because they are so nervous and concerned that their love makes the other half feel suffocated, or even have no sense of boundaries. After ignoring each other's feelings countless times, what awaits is the lover's resolute turn. Perhaps, we just need to speak differently, and the effect will be very different.
It is important not to blame the other party. If you say "how can you not make money like other people's boyfriends" and "other people's wives are more virtuous than you", these words will not only not have a good effect, but also may hurt the other party's self-esteem, in the next few days, the other party will not reflect as you wish, but it is likely to break out into a fierce quarrel. You see the merits of others, but you only forget that the feelings of the lovers around you are the most important.
But another way of expressing it, the effect will be very different. If a wife says to her husband, I see other husbands' progress, but I believe I'm not looking at the wrong person. He still mentioned the excellence of others, but gave his other half great encouragement. Let the husband know that he is also very good, and at the same time, there is a wife who firmly believes in himself, which becomes the driving force for him to move forward. In life, complaining and blaming are the most direct and instinctive, but also the worst, because such words will not solve any problems, only make the feelings worse.
In addition to making fewer accusations, pay attention to the other side. Everyone craves attention and care. When they don't get it from their lover, some people will even use the way of cheating to find their own value in others. If a woman has been neglected by her lover for a long time, whether she has a new hairstyle or learned a new dish, the other half is an indifferent look, then the relationship has also reached a dead end. Maybe two compliments from other men will make this woman feel a ripple in her heart, which is something she has never received.
Many partners who have been together for many years have transformed love into family affection. Others describe their feelings as a pool of stagnant water, seemingly stable but without any passion. After the freshness faded, the lover's shortcomings were exposed more and more, and the patience of the two was less and less. But love is not the same as passion, but a little bit of warmth and care, is the power that can shake people's hearts no matter how many years they have traveled. In the right way, give the lovers around you a little more love, and only then will you let your feelings leave no regrets.
Blaming and complaining is the fastest way to ruin a relationship! When your lover doesn't do a good job, what he needs is not blame. More important than accusations are encouragement and tolerance. Everyone's uneasiness from the beginning of the society to the indomitable efforts to work hard needs to be affirmed by the person they love the most. He has many deficiencies, but he still longs for his lover to see his strengths. After being accustomed to supporting roles in other people's worlds, no one does not want to be the protagonist in their own love, to be valued, and to shine in the eyes of their lovers.
People's hearts are exchanged for people's hearts, and true feelings are exchanged for true feelings. This is true of interpersonal communication, and so is the relationship of marriage, giving good and reaping good; giving bad and giving bad feedback. Don't let complaints erode the heart, and don't let negative abilities ruin our marriage.
A relationship is not easy, for the past, cherish the present, for the future, live in the present. When two people in a marriage have one heart, what kind of thing can abolish the marriage?
In fact, some people like to accuse the other party in the relationship is to try to distinguish a win or a loser, but what you need to be clear is that the two of you are the closest people besides your relatives, why do you have to argue about what wins and loses? Only a win-win situation is a real win.
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May there be lovers in the world who will eventually become dependents, and happiness will be in your own hands - this is the motto of the Red Lady of Anhui Province. Ya Ge Yun: "Love, the waters cannot be extinguished, and the waters cannot be submerged." We are grateful.....