1 Today and a female colleague went to the hotel to open a room, after the end of the work she went to take a shower, then her mobile phone rang, I don't think much about it directly, after the answer to react is her husband. Witty I said: "Is it your mobile phone, I have been waiting for an hour, now people love to lose mobile phones!" Then his husband weakly replied, "Oh thank you." "Give me a thumbs up for my wit."
2 When I was a senior, I went downstairs after one day of self-study, thinking that the person walking in front of me was a roommate, secretly ran up and kicked him in the ass, and shouted: You actually learned yourself?! The man rubbed his ass and looked back at me pitifully, trembling and saying, "Oh." After looking at each other for a few seconds, I was hesitating how to apologize, and the man replied: Big brother, I am a freshman, and I dare not dare to do it later.
3 The teacher asked, "Who is your favorite poet?" Classmate: "Qu Yuan." The teacher asked him why, and he said: Because Qu Yuan has the most conscience, other poets will leave a lot of poems for us to recite as soon as they die, and qu Yuan will leave us with delicious browns and three days of Dragon Boat Festival! After three seconds of silence, the class erupted incessant applause...
4 Today a friend went out with his girlfriend, and the friend was wearing a mask.
My friend said: You laughed!
His girlfriend said: Did you see my eyes bent? My friend said: No!
His girlfriend said: Then how do you see it?
The friend said: The flesh on your face spilled out from both sides of the mask I
5 I found my son playing a game on the computer and angrily told him, if you play the game again, I will kill you! The son said, it doesn't matter if you kill me, as long as our crystal is still there, in a few moments, I will be born again.
6 Usually my brother-in-law sent me to school, today my sister just got a new driver's license, I have to give it once. I was just about to get in the car when my brother-in-law said leisurely, "Do you dare to sit when your sister drives?" Then I suddenly remembered that she had knocked down the wall of the family on the road more than ten meters wide from the driving school, and just when she wanted to leave, she was grabbed by her sister's ear: "Your sister's words are not listened!" Get me in the car. At this time, the old mother came out and said to my sister slowly, "Leave a descendant for the old Chen family!" Either you have a cub and drive again, or you don't put Yangyang down. ”
7 The teacher let the child take the small animal to kindergarten, there was no home, so the cat next door was borrowed, and as soon as he arrived at the activity classroom, the cat began to eat other people's small animals, what hamsters, butterflies, and small goldfish, and then the teacher called me and asked me to quickly take the cat away. What a shame!
8 Soon 28, the family is urging to get married, and even my four-year-old niece is deeply affected. On the fifteenth day of the first month of every month, my mother would go to the temple to burn incense and worship the Buddha, and the last time I was in the temple, my niece said while making a gesture: Bodhisattva, bless my little aunt to marry out early! The hosts in the temple laughed...
9 Recently, a male colleague wore a Patek Philippe watch, which was very cool. I found that there were all kinds of small gears and all kinds of small frames and all kinds of small shapes. Just ask, "How do you look at time with this kind of watch?" He said he didn't understand either, and I said, "Since you don't understand, why are you still wearing it?" The colleague suddenly looked at me strangely: "Now I wear a watch, and I don't want to see the time!" "Me:"
10 I got married to my first girlfriend, who brought a dowry of $2.88 million and an Audi Q7.
The wife is now 38 weeks pregnant and has been at home all day.
At dinner tonight, my wife said, "I wish I had a son." ”
I couldn't help but scold: "Why is your thinking still so feudal?" My daughter is also a treasure! ”
The wife hurriedly explained: "No, in fact, I also like my daughter more, I say that my daughter is like a father, and I don't want to ruin her future." ”
11 I am 30 years old and today is the first time I have been to kindergarten to send my children to school. The little greeter on duty at the door politely said: "Auntie is good, uncle is good, Grandma is good..." After seeing me, he stared at me hesitantly for a long time, and finally made up his mind, and shouted: "Grandpa is good!" "Forget about calling me old, but I'm a woman!"
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