Cultivate the most interesting and practical psychology every day
Some time ago, there was such a news that pushed the public's doting on the original family to the climax of public opinion. When the Shanghai anti-fraud police arrested the suspect, he encountered a "ma bao man", and the 22-year-old suspect asked his parents to help him put on socks and clothes when he was arrested.
Policemen who have seen strong winds and waves have bluntly said: "I can't look at it, it's too habitual." In the face of children's violations and crimes, parents do not educate and accuse their children because of this, but they "take care" of everything before the children go to prison, such educational ideas can't help but make people sigh. Such parents also explain the impact of coddling on their children, which ultimately harms their children's lives.
There was an article published in the Legal Expo that dissected the probability of children being influenced by their families and going down the path of crime from the perspective of the sociology of crime. The article also writes about three family models that are easy to "cultivate" crimes, so that everyone can be vigilant and reflect on their own educational concepts and family growth atmosphere.
The three educational methods in the article are simple and crude education, laissez-faire education, and unconditional doting education. Among them, the unconditional doting education method is the most common and the least noticeable. There are many inducing factors for crime, but behind the crime of every person juvenile offender is indispensable to the connivance and doting of his parents, to put it bluntly, parents are the first driver of juvenile delinquency, and parents should account for 90% of the responsibility if they talk about sin.
In the traditional concept, parents are good to their children to be obedient to their children, even if the children want to "pick the stars and pick the moon", parents will desperately satisfy. Such coddling will not only develop the habit of opening the child's mouth and clothes to reach out, but also develop the child's fearlessness of everything.
It is this kind of fearlessness that pushes children step by step to the road of crime. Because of the doting of parents, let the child feel from an early age that everyone and everything in the world should let him go, should follow him, and once he disobeys his will, he will be angry and commit excessive behavior.
Two years ago, the news of 13-year-olds killing 10-year-old girls was equally shocking, brutal and not at all like what a 13-year-old could do. How did such a violent, precocious, lawless 13-year-old child develop? The answer lies in his parents, as well as the environment in which he grew up. His parents usually neglect to care about and educate their children's mental health, but blindly meet the needs of their children, which eventually leads to the child's path of breaking the law and committing crimes.
Children who grow up in the doting of their parents are not self-resistant in the face of social setbacks, and they only think that they are the center of the world. Every time a child makes a mistake, parents dote on the grounds that "the child is still young" and do not criticize and educate the child, and eventually develop a cognitive view that the child is right and wrong. One day children will have to pay for their ignorance and pay a heavy price for their mistakes.
In addition to the doting between parents and elders, we must also see the impact of the whole family atmosphere on the growth of children, because the original family is affected every minute and every second. Because the drama "All Is Good" brings the word "original family" to the fire, behind this word is the beginning of a person's happiness, it may also be a person's hard life, and it is more likely that a person's life towards crime.
The original family is like the Mobius ring, how many people exhaust their lives and can not get out of its impact on a person. For example, Su Mingyu in "All Is Good" and Fan Shengmei in "Ode to Joy", they tried their best but still could not escape the influence of their original families.
The patriarchal and daughter-oriented thinking in the family made Su Mingyu work hard to earn money and try to get rid of the control of her parents. And Fan Shengmei only blindly compromised and made concessions in the face of a patriarchal family, and finally ruined herself.
The influence of the family is multi-faceted, it can make you brave forward without any worries, it can also make you cower and shrink and trap yourself, and it can also make you ignore the taboos of the law and go to the road of crime. Regardless of the influence of the original family, we should run towards the place of positive light, let ourselves become the one who redeems ourselves, and let ourselves touch happiness.
Psychologist Michael once said: "Childhood needs an end point, and it is the responsibility of parents to cultivate children to be independent, to cultivate children to have enough self-protection ability, to leave the safe embrace of parents, and to pursue higher risks and challenges independently." “
This conveys the original intention and goal of parents to educate their children, coddling will not protect children for a lifetime, only timely blows and incentives can cultivate children who can resist the difficulties of life.
"The lucky ones heal their whole lives with childhood, and the unfortunate people heal their childhood with a lifetime." This sentence expresses the influence of the original family as extremely important, and so does the fact.
The warm and happy family in childhood life will make you have endless motivation to resist the survival of this society, while a quarrelsome, twisted, doting, eccentric family will easily make people develop character defects and lose the courage to confront injustice. Whether it is a doting parent or the influence of the original family, we should reflect on whether the path we have taken needs to change. Can you sustain yourself out of trouble? Can you become your own master?
- The End -
Author | Tang Jingda
Edit | Deer feathers
The First Psychological Writer Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Erik H. Erikson, Joan M. Erikson, The Life Cycle Completed: Extended Version (W. W. Norton, 1998).
WeChat public account: the first psychology