After delivering the baby this morning, I went home to clean up. When I picked up the pillow at the head of the child's bed and prepared to wash the pillowcase, I suddenly scattered 3,000 yuan in cash, and there was a small note inside. After reading the contents of the note, I panicked and quickly called the child's homeroom teacher.
I told them the contents of the class teacher's note, and asked the teacher to help me keep an eye on the child's developments at school, and asked the teacher to find a reason to keep the child in school when school was out, waiting for me to pick up. The teacher also sensed the risks involved and said he would fully cooperate with me.
After the call, I calmed down and looked at the contents of the note repeatedly, looking for a reason. Thinking about it, I burst into tears and fell into deep remorse.
My son usually belongs to the warm male type, eats for me to pick vegetables, goes out to help me carry things, when I am sick, he will bring me tea and pour water, and often beat my waist.
I remember when he was over 4 years old, there was a time when I was not emotionally stable.
One day I bathed my son, and my son's childish voice asked: Mom, what's wrong with you, aren't you happy?
"No, Mom is just a little cold, let's wash it quickly."
"Mom, where you're cold, I'll warm you up."
"Silly child, cold heart, how warm?" I said to my son half-jokingly.
With his small hand, the son grabbed the hot towel in the bathtub and handed it to me: "Mom, I will use a hot towel to help you apply it, and when it is hot, it will not be cold." ”
My son's childish voice and innocent smile melted my heart in an instant.
Looking at the note in my hand, I didn't believe that my angel would do such a thing.
The note read: Mom, I love you very much, but I am not a good obedient child, and I always make you angry. Go find a better obedient child than me, this is all my pocket money, buy him a big gift, I hope he will be obedient and not make you angry.
I kept asking myself in my head, "Why is this happening?" ”
The child has a good academic performance and always finishes in the top three. He never had to worry about studying, he liked to read, play Go, calligraphy and basketball. In the eyes of others, he belongs to the "primary school bully" type.
Many friends ask me how to educate my children, but I can't answer this question. I belong to a very Buddhist mother, and I have always adhered to the principle of "as long as the child is safe, healthy and happy", and I have basically not managed his learning. He went home to finish his homework, and the rest of the time was arranged by himself, and I never arranged the homework extra.
During the epidemic last year, children fell in love with playing games, and after taking online classes every day, they habitually played for two to three hours, or even not enough.
Sometimes I control his game time, he will lose his temper with me, and later, when he is writing his homework, he says that he wants to use the tablet to check the information, but he actually secretly read the game strategy for two hours.
Because of playing games, my son became unsympathetic to read, began to lie, and began to lose his temper without reason. This made me anxious and began to demand in a commanding tone that he was not allowed to play. As a result, there are policies at the top and countermeasures at the bottom, and the number of times the son lies is increasing.
He's going to play games, I want him to learn, and we argue endlessly every day over the same problem. Although my son's grades have not fluctuated, the anxiety of being a mother is becoming more and more obvious. I started giving him homework and enrolling in classes so that he wouldn't have as much time to play games.
The more I managed it, the greater my son's rebelliousness became.
Since the beginning of this semester, the quarrel between the two of us has escalated, and even if he says that he can manage himself and handle the relationship between play and learning, I don't want to believe it anymore.
Every day he came back to tell me about the praise he had received in school and the results he had achieved, and I would still urge him to study and stress that he was not allowed to play games. He wants him to learn more from the children in their class, who have good self-control and self-consciousness.
Later, we quarreled less, but our son's words also became less.
This week, my son suddenly said a lot of "sorry" to me every day, as long as I spoke, he would say "sorry, mom, don't be angry" I thought the child was enlightened, sensible, but I didn't expect to see this note a few days ago.
I realized that my anxiety deeply hurt my child's self-esteem and self-confidence. The child began to suspect that he was not good enough because my words and deeds had been denying him.
He also began to doubt himself, began to become unconfident, began to feel that he was a disobedient bad boy, felt sorry for me, and always made me angry.
But I never realized that my anxiety in the name of love was destroying my son's self-confidence and self-esteem, and I used my words and deeds to deny everything about my child and destroy my love in my son's heart.
I wrote a letter to my son and went to pick him up from school, and I thought, it's time for me to apologize solemnly to my child, and I hope he can truly forgive me!
@ Xiao He dream children love to play games, I believe it is now the common anxiety of many parents. As parents, we really need to control our children's obsession with games, and we must communicate and guide correctly, not endless verbal harm, not blindly ask children to obey their words.
Treat them like adults to communicate, trust, respect, and encourage. Let them see their great selves in the eyes of their parents, so that they will not vent their frustrations in the game. A game is a game, otherwise it becomes a refuge for the child's spirit.
In our adult world, there is a saying that "help is love, not help is the duty", and in the world of children, we require: love is the duty, obedience is the duty, understanding is the duty, having a job is the duty, studying well and completing the homework on time is the duty. What about the "love" that belongs to the child?
@ Xiao He Dream What do you think about the fact that children play games? Welcome to discuss!
