1. When I went to college in 985, my parents gave me 8,000 pocket money every month. So I ordered takeout every time I ate, and today I ordered a yellow stewed chicken, and the takeaway guy let me go

1. When I went to college in 985, my parents gave me 8,000 pocket money every month. So I ordered takeout every time I ate, and today I ordered a yellow stewed chicken, and the takeaway guy asked me to go and get the takeaway. But the teacher dragged the hall, and I didn't find the takeaway brother after I went out. So I called him and asked him, and he told me to go south, and I had no sense of direction, and I asked which side of the south was ??? The takeaway brother replied: "Not only are you late, you actually can't find the direction, it's a stupid woman, standing there don't move, I'll go to you!!! "As a single dog, I burst into tears.........

2. In a very poor and ruined temple in ancient times, almost all the people in the temple could not eat, and they were forced to sell the things in the temple. A young monk took a fancy to the pillars of incense in front of the Buddha and was about to take it and sell it, when suddenly the old abbot stopped him, tried his best to stop it, and told him: "This incense cannot be sold!" The little monk said doubtfully, "Why can't you sell it?" The abbot said bitterly, "Because...

3, in the morning at the company gate to buy breakfast, only to see a girl driving a white BMW to get out of the car and tie up the apron and start frying fritters. Preparing to eat a bowl of cold skins at noon, the uncle who swept the floor nearby said that their family would travel to the Maldives at this time of year. Go to the barbecue in the evening, listen to the big aunt who sells the barbecue and complain to the people next to me about the bad business this year, and only made more than a million. I looked at the balance in my card and planned to cook my own food later.

4, yesterday with my wife and their girlfriends to eat together, during the period, I often added dishes to my wife, her girlfriend said: Lili, your husband is handsome and good, if someone gives you 5 million, are you willing to sell him? The wife said with disgust and anger: Just him? Who will want ah, don't say 5 million, give money to sell. So, I saw that her girlfriend took 10 yuan out of her pocket and put it in front of her wife at the same time.

5, yesterday afternoon I went to the vegetable market to buy vegetables. At the door, a 70-year-old woman sells beans grown in her small yard. I intend to buy two packs. The old lady said, "The last three bundles are sold cheaply, and when they are sold out, they will go home." "As soon as I did get 5 bucks cheaper, I bought them all." As a result, after I had bought the dishes I needed, I saw the old lady at the door and took out three bundles...

6, and the boyfriend to go to a very stylish restaurant, when the wine is full, see the couple at the next table is very affectionate, hugged together for a long time ~ see this scene, I also sat next to the boyfriend, looking at him with affection, the boyfriend was stunned, and then quietly said: Honey, if you are not full, you will go out to buy fried chicken legs for you, let me eat a full meal, I did not eat breakfast. I......

7, I used to have poor grades in reading, a girl next to me in the middle school exam just happened to be in our class, and the results were quite good. Then when I started the exam, it was as if I had suddenly been opened to the second vein of Ren Dou. All the questions would be written, and I obviously saw all the answers of the girl, which were basically different. But still insisted on myself. In the end, the girl became the only student who was admitted to the city key at that time, and I went to vocational high school.

8, on the weekend, I and my boyfriend and girlfriend take the subway together, there are many people, I am behind my boyfriend, my girlfriend is in front of my boyfriend, my brain twitched, I reached out and pinched my girlfriend's t part, and my girlfriend looked back at my boyfriend with affection, and then moved closer to my boyfriend! Girlfriend you this...

9, when I was in high school, I beat the class president because he said that I was very husband and wife with the female table. Later, on the order of the class teacher, I apologized to the class leader. Afterwards, the lesbian scolded me and said: You are too barbaric, not like a reader. In fact, she didn't know, if I didn't show a little stronger, what if someone bullied her? I can't follow her 24 hours a day, right?

10. Q: What are the strange Chinese characters that foreigners write on themselves? Answer: There is an episode in "Kangxi Lai", saying that I saw a foreigner's arm revealing a tattoo of the word "Ren", and I thought it was not bad, and the result of understanding Chinese culture was that the sleeves were pulled open, and the original text was "fried shrimp".

11, heavy rain, the car's engine into the water. After towing away the repairs, he took the bus home with his father. In front of me sat a grandfather in his 80s, and a beautiful woman came to the front door, that big long legs, that small wild waist, just perfect! My dad said to the single, "Son, if you have any ideas, you have to do whatever you can to achieve them." I agreed: Young should have momentum, otherwise when grandpa is old, what ideas can he have? I was just about to stand up and talk, when the grandfather in front of me suddenly turned his head and said to me with a serious face: I still have ideas! Then I saw the old man get up and walk to the beautiful woman and ask for her WeChat!

12, the sister-in-law just turned 18 this year, shouting to learn to drive, planning to let her father-in-law buy her a Porsche Cayenne after completing her studies. A few days before the second exam subject, the sister-in-law went to the driving school all day to practice driving, and she was quite diligent, and the sister-in-law asked the coach: "Coach coach, you see how I drive, it is no problem to become a road killer, right?" Only to see the coach light up a Chinese cigarette, the little sister-in-law looked at it, and said: "Oh, as long as you are a road killer, it is faster than a turtle, put on the highway, at best, it is a road obstacle!" ”

13, an old man once said to me, the object of marriage with you is best to maintain harmony in three aspects: 1, the way of thinking is harmonious; 2, the way of life is harmonious; 3, the husband and wife life is harmonious. I think it makes a lot of sense, and it's for both men and women.

14, Dad's steamed steamed steamed

15, a waiter in our hot pot restaurant said to me playfully: "You forgot who pulled you up when you dropped the pigsty before?" I ignored her, and she played a slut: "You forgot who used to sleep on the street to fill your stomach with steamed buns?" I looked at her and said dismissively, "You forgot that you were almost arrested in Dongguan, who told you in advance?" "The girl left with a blue face before she could finish listening to me.