"Every Child Needs to Be Seen"

22 How can we help our children mature? The answer is attachment!

In fact, maturity is a particularly direct and obvious process. As with other developments, maturation begins with attachment, and this attachment-taking property as a starting point is common to all living things.

However, maturity has a chance to emerge only when attachment needs slowly wane. Plants can only grow and mature if they first take root in the soil, and the same is true for the development of children. Only by first satisfying attachment needs, intimate needs, and unconditional dependence can children have the opportunity to grow into independent individuals.

A dad once said to me: "After becoming a dad, I feel that the whole world firmly believes that parents must take on the responsibility of shaping their children's personality, but in fact, ,!! ️ all parents really have to do is to provide an environment for them to thrive, to provide sunshine and rain, to give them the love they need, and they can thrive."

The key for parents to help their children mature is to meet their attachment needs. To make children independent, they must first learn to rely on;

To give children a personality, they must first be given a sense of belonging and coexistence;

To make your child adjust to parting, you must first take responsibility for maintaining an intimate relationship with your child.

Similarly, in order for children to learn to give up, they must meet more of their children's close needs;

If a child wants to hug, we hug more passionately than he expects.

We let go of our children, not by letting them beg for our love, but by allowing them to live in a loving environment.

We help children cope with sleeping in separate beds and overcoming separation anxiety at school by meeting their needs to be close to their parents.

Thus, maturity is a process full of contradictions, true independence and separation, which begins precisely with dependence and attachment.

Attachment is the cradle of nurturing maturity. Just as the womb can give birth to a physically independent life, attachment can produce a psychologically independent individual.

Therefore, after the birth of the child, we must build a "womb" of emotional attachment for the child, so that the child can grow here again, become a personality and emotionally independent individual, and then live normally without the domination of the child. Human beings will always have the need to connect with others, and this need will not disappear, nor should it disappear, but people who are truly independent can be free from these needs (which I do very well). The process of a person achieving independence takes place through the entire stage of childhood, even until adolescence or later.

After satisfying the child's attachment, what we have to do is to liberate the child from the obsession of attachment, (let go!!! ️ give the child more opportunities to be independent) let them start to live independently. To complete this transformation process, the secret is to let the child have attachment to their parents without bothering (before, I did not realize this, but let go first, and later found that Yue Yue's sense of security was insufficient, analyzing our attachment relationship was no problem, I gave her too little dependence, and then adjusted Yue Yue's dependence on me, now the effect is good). Parents must first meet their children's attachment needs before they can have the energy to develop their own personality and start their own journey of independent consciousness. Children are thus free, courageous, developed and mature. This is something that parents must understand during the parenting process.

Psychological attachment hunger is very similar to physical hunger. The need for attachment in a normal child, like the need for food, will not disappear.As !️ a parent, if you want to liberate your child from the excessive thirst for food, you must not only be responsible for feeding your child, but also give them a sense of security of adequate food. !️ If the child is not confident in the subsequent supply, no matter how much food they have in front of them, they will regard getting F as the most important thing at the moment. The same is true for children's attachment hunger. Unless children know that they have no worries about their attachment to their parents, they cannot live a normal life and mature development.

If you find my sharing helpful to you, to your relatives, friends, and friends, please invite me to the group or share it. Thank you for your support!