My name is Xiao You, I am 33 years old, my husband is 36 years old, and I have been married to my husband for 10 years. I was a teacher, he was the owner of a business, at that time I took the initiative to pursue him, because I felt that others had good character, integrity and kindness, did not smoke or drink, and was also very responsible, although people were a little wooden, but the action was still very strong.
We have been in love for three years and now have 2 children, the eldest is a son and the younger is a daughter. Usually we quarrel for no more than two days, he will take the initiative to find a topic to tell me, and I will also go down the steps he gave, so there is generally no special cold war.
In the past six months I have found some different places, first of all, I accidentally found that his mobile phone password was changed, and then one day when a woman called him, he was in the shower, I picked up the other party on the = hurried to hang up, I was quite curious to ask who he was, he simply said that he was just a friend, vague, I did not ask, but I began to feel insecure, and pay attention to his every move.
This year he sent me a set of underwear, I am still very confused, so many years he has not bought this kind of very personal thing for me, and then I found that his WeChat avatar, personality signature has changed, the background image has also changed, I am more panicked.
There have been countless communication and quarrels between the two of us, he once said that I had a bad temper, did not care about his words, also complained that I ignored him, and said that I want to grow, I don't know what he means, whether he hates me or what, but the messages I send to him are now unresponsive, he only communicates with me because of the child's problems, and we both say no more than five sentences a day.
I also have emotional problems myself, when I quarreled with him, I took the initiative to file for divorce, he did not agree, and then he suddenly felt very uncomfortable and I was soft-hearted, and this matter was not resolved. Later I deleted his contact information, and now he is not willing to add it back, saying why I have to listen to me for what I have to do, and then said that I am selfish, I asked him if he wanted a divorce, and he said he did not want to.
I was confused by his behavior, and I really didn't know how to communicate and communicate with him, the child saw us both like this as if he knew something, they were more sensitive, and then I also wanted to repair the family, but I didn't know what to do.
I have also tried, such as taking the initiative to talk to him, but he is still very cold, that is, cold and violent, will not respond to anything, I do not want to continue like this, but I also do not have the courage to divorce.
Consultant Reply: According to understanding. Write a paragraph for you and find an opportunity to express it:
Soon new year's day, the new year is coming, think back to the past bits and pieces, a lot of things I want to say to you.
Husband, you have worked hard, these years you have worked hard with my children outside for me, I know it is not easy, you have been working very hard, but also give me and my children a good life security, is our big tree, give us to rely on, thank you for your efforts.
Recently you often go out to socialize, home to eat less time, I am very distressed, after all, social dinner is certainly not at home comfortable and reassuring, the cause of the epidemic in the past two years do not know how the impact on the company's performance, I am worried that you are too worried, I want to solve your worries, take care of the family and children, let you go out to work without burden, I am also trying to be a good wife, we guard this home together.
2022 is coming, on the first day of New Year's Day, I also want to confess to you some of my inner vulnerability and helplessness, maybe women will experience some inner waves in their 30s, so I am more insecure in this half year, with appearance anxiety, but these days I also calmly think about it. Pain is also a good thing at times, making me really aware of my problems and the direction I need to change.
When communicating with you, words and deeds are inconsistent, obviously I want to be close to you, I don't want to divorce, and I don't want to delete WeChat, but the words I said are divorce, delete WeChat, it is a rebuke and complaint against you, these words I think you are very uncomfortable to hear. Last time you were unwell, I was worried. And my own temper is also more urgent, emotional sometimes not very stable, this I also have to realize, will slowly adjust.
In the new year, I also hope that you can give me more feedback, I also care about your feelings, for example, you feel that when we communicate, two people are emotionally unstable, then we can make an agreement, this time we will not say it first, and when you feel that my temper is more impatient, you can also give me a signal, for example, you are more anxious now, talk slowly. And I also hope that you can accompany me more, we eat and walk this thing I also care about, talking to you makes me feel very down-to-earth, very at ease.
You think I need to change something, you also tell me, maybe I don't realize it myself, but you give me feedback I will reflect and improve.
Shanghai Psychological Counseling - Good Psychologist - Shanghai Lotte Psychological Counseling Center