Read 38 · Serial 丨 "Grandpa, We See You in Heaven" 04

Author: Jiang Wenli

Publisher: Tianjin People's Publishing House

丨 We see you in heaven 丨

Grandpa's last words were: You can't be cremated.

In order to get a decent coffin for Grandpa, the mother, who has no savings, can only sell Grandpa's bonsai to pay for the coffin.

It was 1979, burial was no longer allowed, everything had to be done in secret. Dad was on a hill in the suburbs and found a burial place for Grandpa. There was no one in the city to do the coffin business anymore, so they had to entrust people to the countryside and find a master who could make coffins.

One thing I always wondered, Grandpa had been hospitalized for half a year, and he was ninety-three years old, so why didn't Mom and Dad prepare the coffin and cemetery for Grandpa earlier? Why did you start looking for it at the last minute?

I think it was my mother who didn't want Grandpa to go.

On the day of the funeral, it rained lightly.

Early in the morning, when it was dark, Dad followed the truck he had borrowed from his unit to the countryside to pull back the coffin he had just made. Mom borrowed a flatbed truck with a bucket, and with the help of several of My Grandfather's former friends, quietly transported My Grandfather's body out of the hospital morgue, and the cart was covered with a rain cloth.

Mom and these uncles, braving the rain, pulled the flatbed truck to the door of the railway dormitory compound where we lived. My sisters and I ran out to greet us, and my mother warned us not to be silent, in case we let the neighborhood committee know, Grandpa could not be buried. Several old neighbors who had lived with grandpa for decades were invited by their mothers to open a corner of the rain cloth and let them quietly look at grandpa, even if they said goodbye.

I was terrified by the death of my grandfather, the first time in my life that I had faced death. I was also frightened by my mother, who regarded my grandfather's life as my own life, and after half a year's suffering and the blow of my grandfather's death, people have lost their shape.

I didn't dare to go with everyone to see my grandfather's remains, I couldn't believe that it was my grandfather who was lying in the flatbed truck.

The frail mother collapsed in front of her old neighbors.

Almost unable to stand, she was supported by my two sisters, and everyone cried. Thanks to the uncles who helped push the cart, they stopped the situation that was about to get out of control in time, and asked the neighbors to hurry home so as not to attract attention.

Then, they took the three of us sisters and our mother, pulled on the scooter loaded with grandpa, and hit the road. Some of us wore umbrellas, some wore raincoats, and the guards were on either side of Grandpa's coffin, pressing the rain cloth with their hands, afraid that the rain cloth would be blown up by the wind and the rain would fall on Grandpa.

We walked solemnly, wordlessly.

From morning to afternoon, from the city to the countryside.

I've never been this far, but I don't feel tired at all.

Gradually, I forgot my mission, that I was on my way to my grandfather's funeral. I was constantly attracted to the scenery around me, looking east and west, walking for a while, running for a while, serious for a while, and forgetting seriousness for a while.

I think this is a child, not like an adult, constantly immersed in an emotion, always easy to be attracted to the things around them, and forget their role.

By the time we reached the foot of the mountain, it was already three or four o'clock in the afternoon.

Grandpa's coffin had not yet arrived, and we pulled the scooter to a flat threshing ground, leaning against the wheat stacks for shelter from the rain, resting, and waiting.

The wheat stacks drenched in rainwater are round and rolling, like a big bun. I climbed up the wheat stack and stood on the "steamed bun" and looked out to see if Dad was coming. After a while, I started bouncing and jumping, like I was on my grandfather's brown bed. After jumping, I slid down the round and rolling wheat stacks, like a slide.

Mom and the adults were talking over the other side of the wheat stack, and without paying attention to me, I slipped quietly down the side carrying them, and climbed up again, and slid down again. I asked my sister to skate with me, and the more we slid, the more energetic we became, the bolder and faster.

Suddenly, I bumped into a scooter pulling my grandfather.

In order to make the scooter flat, the uncles inserted the handlebars in the wheat stack, and I slid a little off, just in time to touch the handlebars. The scooter trembled a little, and my sisters and I were startled and rushed over to see if Grandpa was safe?

We gently uncovered the corner of the plastic sheet covering Grandpa, the first time I had seen him since he died. Grandpa closed his eyes serenely, his face rosy, and a smile on his face.

This was not the last time I saw in the hospital that my grandfather with an oxygen tube and a mouth full of purple potions, the grandfather who was tied to the bed and had empty eyes. It's also not like a person who's already dead. The rosy cheeks were not made up, there was no service at that time, and Grandpa had been pulled here directly from the hospital morgue.

So why was he so kind and amiable, with an angelic face? His cheeks were white and red, and there was not a single fear of the dead at all. Am I misremembering? Is this my subjective wish? I have recalled my grandfather that day to my two older sisters many times, and both sisters also vividly remember the smiling faces that were pink like babies.

I don't think Grandpa is dead, he's still alive.

I even wanted to kiss his face, his face must have been hot, otherwise how could his cheeks be crimson.

I leaned down slowly, my face getting closer and closer to my grandfather's face, the tip of my nose was already about to touch the tip of my grandfather's nose, and my grandfather greeted me with a smile as if he knew my thoughts.

"Don't touch Grandpa."

My sister scolded me.

I stopped there, like I had slept face to face with my grandfather as a child. At that time, I often woke up at night, afraid that my grandfather who slept next to me was dead, so I put my finger under the tip of his nose and felt his breathing. If I blow to my fingers, I will fall asleep peacefully.

At this moment, I didn't need to use my fingers to test, looking at Grandpa's flower-like face, I already felt Grandpa's even and steady breathing. We looked at each other, and that second seemed to be ten thousand years, and I and my grandfather crossed the desert of time, back to my childhood, back to the courtyard, back to the big bed where we slept face to face.

My heart was very happy, Grandpa was not dead, and I felt in my heart that Grandpa was still alive.

My sister pulled me aside and gently covered the corner of the plastic sheet back.

The rain was still falling, Grandpa's coffin had not yet arrived, and it was getting dark. Everyone was very anxious, and one of Dad's colleagues ran back to report to everyone: "Because of the rain and slippery road, the car pulling the coffin hit someone on the way back, sent to the hospital, the injury is not very serious, but people are pestering and not letting go, demanding to lose a lot of money." ”

What should I do now?

Mom's nerves, which could no longer withstand any blows, were almost about to collapse. Money, where does the money come from? Having used up all the money to buy a coffin and find a cemetery, where to find it again? If we can't solve the dispute, will we wait in this open rain field? What about Grandpa?

All the people went to persuade their mothers and comfort them.

I stood alone in front of My Grandfather's board, looking at the darkening sky, thinking that I should do something for My Grandfather. I walked up to an uncle and said solemnly, "Uncle Xu, you get on your bike and take me to meet them." ”

Uncle Xu looked at me, nodded, pushed on the bicycle, took me, and rode in the direction of the Huai River Dam.

The Huai River Dam is the only way for the car pulling the coffin to drive over, and it is also the highest point in this area. We braved the wind and rain and rode to the dam. Truck after truck, with splashing water, whistled past our eyes.

I looked up at every car that had been driven, to see if there was a dad in the car, to see if there was a coffin in the car. But I waited until it was completely dark, not until my father, nor did I wait for the truck pulling the coffin. We couldn't see anything, it was dark all around, and we rode back.

Touching the darkness, I went back to the threshing ground, where there was no one anymore. What about people? What about Grandpa's scooter? Where did they all go? We were dumbfounded, and on the black crushing threshing ground, it was just me and Uncle Xu. Are they all gone? The dispute was not resolved, the coffin was not transported, so where did they go to shelter from the rain? Where can they go?

The rain was gone, and in the distance I seemed to hear someone talking, and in the middle of the night in the mountains, it must have been Mom and Dad and my uncles. We touched the place where there was a sound.

The voice grew louder and louder, and with the movement of shovels and shovels digging earth, we concluded that it should be Grandpa's grave.

Exhausted on the hill, under the faint campfire, I saw Grandpa's coffin, which had not yet been painted, had been placed in the tomb, and Dad and uncles were filling the coffin with shovels.

I actually only saw the lid of the coffin, and the coffin was completely covered with soil. I stood there with my mouth open and gasped. No one noticed me, no one knew I was gone, no one knew I was back. I stood there and watched as the soil in the pit buried more and more, higher and higher.

Suddenly, a voice in my heart said, "Wen Li, your childhood is over." ”

I really heard this voice, it came out of my heart, it was my heart.

After my grandfather was buried, I had myocarditis, and my mother said that I was overly sad. I was embarrassed to object to my mother's statement, but I felt really ashamed in my heart, because I was not as sad as my mother said. It wasn't because I didn't have enough feelings for grandpa, it wasn't that I didn't feel like grandpa had left me.

One day, Dad asked me:

"Where did you go with Uncle Xu that day?"

"We went to the dam to meet you, but we didn't."

"No wonder, when I passed the dam, I saw a little girl in a raincoat standing on the side of the road. At that time, I was still wondering, how can there be such a beautiful little girl in the countryside? ”

Dad didn't recognize me, I didn't recognize Dad, and we lost each other in the wind and rain. I didn't see the scene of my grandfather's burial, and the moment I and my grandfather were buried, I lost my hand. The last grandpa I saw was the serene and smiling grandpa in the scooter.

Could it be that all this was arranged by Grandpa?

Did Grandpa not want me to see him buried and deliberately let me leave?

When I grew up, I understood that it was my grandfather who did not want me to grieve, and he went to heaven. Grandpa went to heaven, he went to heaven, like an angel.

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