Text | Honest Chen YOLO
Edit | God teases Daddy
One day 25 years ago during the summer vacation, my cousin and I came home from herding cattle, and when I entered the door, I saw the scene that I will never forget for the rest of my life:
My father told me to kneel in front of his bed with my brother and say something, and then my mother lay on the ground like a child who had not been satisfied, crying and playing, and cursed very ugly words in her mouth, probably saying that my father was not a man, so what did we do if we left our mother and children...
At that time, my father had been living outside for about three years, and he should have been powerless to return to heaven before he was brought back, he was already skinny, and looking at him with a thin body, I didn't even dare to go near.
A few days before that, my father came to me and said a lot of things that I couldn't understand at the time, and I can't think of a word now.
The mother said that the father had secretly saved sleeping pills for two months, and when he had finished arranging the matter, he would go that way.
My father's death didn't have much of a big idea of me at that time, and in the few days when I was in charge of his affairs, I was always a muddy adult tossing and turning, and after the event, I slept sweeter than anyone!
I can't remember too much about those few days.
In the impression, there was a grandmother who cursed at him, saying that he was a "short-lived ghost" and should not marry my mother to him;
There is the father's joke of son: Who let you keep going lucky? Where the sun does not set! ”；
There are living elders in the family who come to "talk" to my mother, let her work harder, do not remarry...
After my father's death, I didn't feel much of a change in my life, and under his bed, he hid a passbook with what he thought would be enough money for our brothers to finish junior high school.
Later, I learned that I had left with my father dozens of cattle and hundreds of sheep, as well as new houses that had been bought in the county town before they could move in.
After that, I went all the way to school, and after several turns, even his only photo was lost, and my father's appearance became more and more blurred in my mind.
Of course, I can see him once or twice a year in my dreams, but I can't always see his face clearly, and he is always busy with his own business, always speechless.
Fortunately, I probably know what my father looks like, because as soon as I return to my hometown, old people say to me, "You really look like your father!" It's exactly the same! ”
But I've always wondered what kind of person my father really was.
So, for many years to come, I was trying to piece together a complete image of my father.
In addition to listening to his relatives, friends and elders' evaluation of him, in my mind, only some intermittent fragments remain.
I remember when I was a kid, there was a big reservoir not far from home, and basically one or two people died in it every year.
Parents in the village are worried that their children will go to the reservoir to play and not let them touch the water.
My dad was different, and every summer he would accompany us to play in the water until we actually learned to swim.
He told us that since he was born on the water's edge, he couldn't be a "dry duck", and I could dig a swimming pool for your brothers, but they must not go down to the reservoir to play!
He didn't break his word, he really dug!
But that "swimming pool", apart from being for us to swim in the summer, its main function is to raise fish...
I still remember one year on new year's Day, when I was having dinner at my uncle's house in the morning, I was allowed to drink half a glass of "sweet wine" (red wine), and then I was a little "fluttering", holding my big yellow dog crazy.
That morning, the central station was playing "Journey to the West", which we liked to watch, and everyone was watching in the living room, except for me who was lying in bed and couldn't get up.
I was so sad, crying and saying I wanted to see it, and guess what the result was?
My dad watched at the door while "performing" to me...
I'll probably never forget that picture for the rest of my life!
My father didn't say anything about my drunkenness, much less scold me, but from that day on, I knew I was responsible for my actions.
I remember one day I was following my father to town to buy something, and while he was talking to someone, I picked up 5 cents under a brick on the side of the road.
I gave my dad the crumpled, dirty fifty cents and asked him what to do.
What I thought in my heart was that my teacher and my parents had said that it was best to find the lost owner and return it.
But my father gave me a different answer, he rubbed my head and said to me, "I'm afraid I can't find the owner of this money." walk! Let's go and ask! ”
Then he took me to the small shop opposite, and he said directly to the owner of the shop: "Oh, this is my son picking it up under the bricks across the street, and he wants to return it..."
The owner smiled and accepted the money, praised me a few words, and then brought me a big bag of candy! I know that 5 cents certainly won't buy that much.
I've eaten a lot of sugar, but I've never felt so sweet!
At that time, I had no idea that my father was telling me not to be too rigid.
It was also in the winter of that year that my father had an extra time to leave early and return late every day, and my mother complained a lot about it.
I probably knew it was my grandfather (not a kiss, my dad was also a child who lost his father, he raised my dad for two years) and fell out of the attic, breaking his "waist".
Grandpa's house is more than two miles away from my house, and he will carry Grandpa on his back every day to help him urinate and make himself smell of urine.
Grandpa had his own children, and my mom didn't understand that's why, thinking that my dad didn't have to take care of them every day.
Maybe his mother's complaint that day made him a little upset, and he said in front of me a sentence that I still remember vividly: "He raised me for two years, and I will pay it back for the rest of my life!" ”
I still remember one Spring Festival many years later, my grandfather had cirrhosis of the liver, his stomach bulged like a big watermelon, and that night, after my eldest brother's house had finished eating, I sent him home alone, and he kept holding my hand and refusing to let go!
"If your father were still here, I wouldn't have ended up like this!" He said this sentence no less than ten times!
At that time, my mother had moved away with me for many years in order to facilitate my schooling, and my grandfather's children were doing "big business", and they didn't have time to take care of him, so they put him in their hometown for my eldest brother to take care of (eating, drinking, dripping).
Ironically, his son is a doctor who runs several clinics in the county.
Grandpa's preference for sons and daughters was so excessive that after my aunt ran away from home, she didn't go back to see him until grandpa died.
Whether it is the former me or the current me, I have always been very "old people", and the respect and gratitude for the elderly are from the heart.
I think I probably inherited some of my father's ideas!
When there was no electricity in the village and no television, every night, my house was the most lively, and dozens of people sat in a circle around my father to listen to my father tell stories.
That kind of excitement makes me feel like I'm on par with those who are professional storytellers.
Yes, I grew up listening to my dad tell stories.
By the time I could read, I basically read all of my father's books, such as "Journey to the West", "Hu Jia Jiang", "Yang Jia Jiang", "Romance of the Three Kingdoms", and when I took out the stories to tell my classmates, they were also like a number of family treasures.
My dad didn't really buy me books, but he developed my reading habits early on.
The "telescope" he made for me was actually not far away, but I just liked it!
All of this stimulated my curiosity and made me "move forward" in my studies for many years to come.
When I was in high school, I was a little boy who had just opened his heart, and one day I was helping my mother in the field, and I thought of a question and asked her directly: "Mom, why did you marry my father in the first place?" ”
That day, I saw the long-lost smile on my mother's face, as if she was recalling something, and then replied, "He counts!" ”
At that time, my mind was not very sound, and I understood only the most basic level, such as talking, honesty and trustworthiness.
It was only in the years that followed that I completed the "father' puzzle from people's words, and I really understood the true weight of the evaluation of "talk counts"!
That's probably the meaning of "eat outside and be reliable at home"!
Now I know how hard it is to do this!
When I was young, I also attributed my life experience to my father's disrespect for life, which made me see the cold and warm of the world prematurely, made me inferior, and made me lament.
The only time in decades that my mother lost her temper with me was related to this, and she shouted at me in a revealing manner, "You're a coward!" It's an asshole! You can't look at your dad like that! He's the only real man I've ever met! ”
The hard days came, and my mother was single all my life for our brothers, and I was working hard all my life.
I, on the other hand, did not look for a job after graduating from college, but tossed myself for several years.
It was also one summer day, around my father's death, and I dreamed of him as always.
He was still busy with his own business, and I shouted at him, "What the hell are you busy with?" Dead are still busy! Can you say a word to me?! Why are you so cruel to abandon us mother and son!? ”
That time, it was the first time I saw him wipe his tears, in a dream!
When I woke up in the morning, I cried a lot, I was suddenly relieved, I completely gave up starting a business, and persuaded away the partner who was struggling with me.
I probably understand what is called "powerless", what is called "timely stop loss", and what is called the responsibility of manhood!
My mother has helped my eldest son carry it for so many years, I have to carry it, and reality does not allow me to be so ambitious!
As my son grew older, I suddenly realized that I had never dreamed of my father again in the past two years.
Perhaps, he is really relieved!
My father was a farmer who died young.
He didn't leave me a little "Jiangshan", but he gave me a perfect childhood;
He didn't teach me things, but he taught me to be human in my lifetime.
Well, he fulfilled all my expectations of a "good dad"!
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