Wen 丨 Qingxin Junyue
When I first read "Ordinary World", I was really angry with that "ghost" Wang Manyin.
Whenever I think of Sun Lanhua alone for more than ten years as a person who has been running the family outside the home, not only pulling two children, but also working in the field like a man every day, I am both distressed and angry, sad about the suffering and misfortune that Orchid has encountered, and angry at why she is so indulgent of that uncontrolled man Wang Manyin.
In my opinion, there is no difference between this family and him, without Wang Manyin, maybe Orchid will live better and even have the opportunity to start a new life.
It wasn't until I recently re-read "The Ordinary World" that I really understood why Sun Orchid would rather "keep alive and widow" than divorce Wang Manyin.
Traditional ideas are deeply rooted
In Shuangshui Village and Jar Village, Wang Manyin is considered a "celebrity".
However, he is famous not because he has done something earth-shattering, but because he is a famous "second-rate son" and "ghost" in the village before and after.
On weekdays, when men sell coolies in the fields and turn their backs to the sky facing the loess, he is either idle all day, or he does some speculative and backward business, cannot do farm work, and cannot bear hardships, in his own words:
"I've done anything, carried a gun, gambled, gone to the state and county to do business, drilled into the bed of other people's daughters-in-law twice, and owed everyone an ass account."
In such an era when food and clothing are in question, such a man who does not do his job is obviously unwilling to let him be a son-in-law.
Therefore, when Sun Lanhua's father, Sun Yuhou, learned that his daughter was going to marry Wang Manyin, he was so angry that he almost didn't go back, but his violent jump did not make Orchid flinch, but instead said that he would die on Wang Manyin's door. In the end, Sun Yuhou hugged his headache and cried, let out a long sigh, and accepted the reality that could not be changed.
In the eyes of Sun Yuhou, and even everyone, Wang Manyin is not a good son-in-law, a good husband and a good father, he is a "wandering ghost", hanging around all day, useless, and not home all year round.
However, Sun Orchid followed Wang Manyin with a dead heart, never complaining, and she often cried with a headache on a hill in the village, especially when it was difficult for children to eat and drink, but after crying, Orchid wiped away her tears, and life was as usual.
She is also the woman of Wang Manyin, the mother of cats and dogs.
Sun Lanhua is a woman with deep-rooted traditional ideas, and marriage is for her, that is, marrying a chicken and marrying a dog with a dog. In this marriage, she deeply tied herself to Wang Manyin and became an inseparable entity, who could abandon herself, so the two words divorce, for Sun Lanhua, did not exist at all, nor should they exist.
This is the fate of a woman, the fate of her grandson Orchid, and she has always been subservient to fate.
When Cat Egg was thirteen years old and had already entered junior high school, Wang Manyin was still outside as a wanderer, and her younger brother Sun Shaoan had suggested that she get a divorce, but she still insisted on her own ideas as she did when she first married Wang Manyin, and even her father Sun Yuhou did not agree with their divorce:
"The son-in-law is no longer a thing, nor can he take the road of divorce; divorced women have a bad reputation!"
Orchid, like Sun Yuhou, was trapped in the shackles of traditional thought and could not break free, of course, they did not want to break free.
In today's time of emancipation, shouting freedom and self-pursuit, their thinking may be backward and unrecognized, but for those who were in that era and had been running for survival all their lives, life and marriage were like this.
There is a bias in self-perception
"Ghost" Wang Manyin once took a "Nanyang woman" back to his home in Jar Village.
The kind and simple Sun Orchid did not think much or be dissatisfied, but warmly welcomed the woman like a distinguished guest, in her eyes:
"The 'Nanyang Woman' is a big man, and it is a great honor to be able to enter her cold kiln."
Because of this, the orchid became the object of sympathy and ridicule of the villagers in the jar, and everyone could feel the unusual relationship between Wang Manyin and this woman, only the orchid realized hindsight, in the face of those villagers who crowded in her house to watch the liveliness, she even happily believed that her man was respected by the whole village.
It wasn't until the evening, when Wang Manyin took advantage of her sleep and tried to get into the woman's bed and was discovered by her, that she suddenly realized how stupid she was, but she still did not expose this deed to her face, but just gritted her teeth desperately until dawn.
The next morning, like an angry cow, she ran to the commune to complain, hoping that the public could uphold justice for herself and get rid of the faceless woman, but when she heard that the village director was going to tie Wang Manyin and the woman to the commune, she was anxious about Wang Manyin, and she was distressed and returned home in pain.
In her marriage to Wang Manyin, Wang Manyin was her heaven, everything she had, and she offered Wang Manyin like a god, and put her position very low, low to the dust.
I have to say that orchids have a bias in their self-perception.
Each person based on the growth environment and experience, the formation of self-perception is different, pride, overconfidence, inferiority psychology, etc. belong to the category of self-cognition, in other words, self-awareness is their own evaluation of themselves, resulting in a series of behaviors and psychology.
In Orchid's heart, Wang Manyin is a "very powerful" person, and she is an ordinary peasant woman, for her, it is a blessing to marry someone like Wang Manyin, and she is even grateful to the man in front of her, as the book says:
"No matter what others think of her husband, this loyal and kind peasant girl always loves this person who is rejected by the world in her heart--because in this world, only this man has given her the joy of love for the first time in her glorious youth!" 」
Due to the deviation of self-perception, Orchid has always felt that love is a myth that is impossible for a peasant woman like her to have, so when she first saw the newly dressed, whitewashed Wang Manyin expressed her love to herself, her heart was full of happiness and gratitude.
However, no one had ever told her that she could actually have a better marital love, and perhaps, even if someone told her, she would not believe it.
In Sun Lanhua's heart, she did not deserve love and a better life, let alone the right to choose a new life, and she felt that it was good that she could marry someone like Wang Manyin.
She understands all her own values as doing her best to play the role of a good wife, her own feelings are not important, other people's opinions and criticisms are not important, Wang Manyin is not important, what matters is that she is his woman. In her heart, this marriage and the man in front of her are all she has, the only thing she has, and she will never give up unless her life ends, which is another reason why she will not divorce Wang Manyin.
Therefore, even if Wang Manyin betrayed her and mixed with other women, she did not think about leaving the man in front of her, but directed her anger at the "Nanyang woman", and the real culprit, Wang Manyin, was completely removed by her, and she even did not want Wang Manyin to be punished in the slightest.
In real life, how many women like Sun Orchid, because of the deviation of self-perception, lost in marriage, completely lost themselves, so that they tolerate and withdraw without a bottom line, full of scars, but still grateful to Zero.
Expectations and demands for marriage are too low
Does Sun Orchid love Wang Manyin?
Of course, she loves deeply and without boundaries.
Does Wang Manyin love Sun Orchid?
Maybe Sun Orchid thought it was love, but for Wang Manyin it wasn't, he loved only himself, and he chose Sun Orchid only because she could work in the fields, as described in the book:
I don't know what day it was, he slept on his own cold light earth kang, and suddenly thought that he was going to marry a wife. In my head, I thought about the unmarried women in the village one by one, and finally selected the orchid of Sun Yuhou, the big woman of Shuangshui Village. The woman was still handsome! Moreover, his body is strong, and he will be able to cut firewood, carry water, and plant his own land in the future—these hard work he does not want to do, nor can he do. ”
However, what the truth is is not important to Orchid, all she wants is this man and this marriage, as for how this man is, how this marriage is, it does not matter.
This low expectation and appeal for marriage determines that Orchid will never divorce, because the unhappy married life in the eyes of outsiders is satisfied for her.
Everyone's expectations and demands for marriage are different, and whether the demands can be met in marriage is the key to determining whether a marital relationship is happy and long-lasting.
Someone wants money, someone wants love, someone wants money and love, no matter what we want, as long as it can be obtained in the marriage relationship we are in, then we will not end the marriage easily, even if the other party is not so good in other ways.
Just like in our view, Wang Manyin not only has no sense of family responsibility, but also selfish and selfish, incompetent and useless, and even less worthy of being a father, but these are not what Sun Orchid cares about, and she has never asked Wang Manyin to take on these, all she wants is:
"As long as her husband doesn't leave her anymore and sleeps with her in his arms all night, this is her greatest happiness."
In the course of the year, Sun Orchid is most looking forward to the New Year, because around the New Year, it is the day when the Ghost King Manyin returns home. Every Spring Festival, orchids and children always have an excited mood, waiting for Wang Manyin's return, and a few days of intimacy can make her forget a year's suffering.
Perhaps for us, this expectation and appeal is too low, and even the bottom line is not enough, but for Sun Orchid, this is already the ceiling.
Throughout the book, Sun Lanhua has never wavered in her marriage, and her traditional concepts, self-perception deviations, and low expectations and demands for marriage have determined that she would rather "live and be widowed" than leave Wang Manyin, which is a predestined result.
Fortunately, Lu Yao was not cruel enough to let The Orchid go on like this, and perhaps he could not bear the miserable life of a kind and simple woman, so near the end of "Ordinary World", Lu Yao gave the Orchid a relatively happy ending, and her Wang Manyin finally returned to the family, returned to her side, and her greatest happiness was realized.
I bless the sun orchid, but I don't want you and me to be the sun orchid in the story.
Qingxin Junyue, an emotional observer, ta said book critic, film critic. Warm you, me with words.