Wen | Egret
Yesterday, I told the leader about resigning, maybe in the past few days, I have handed over the work at hand, and the fate of this small business will end here. Walking on the familiar road to work, my heart began to be a little flustered, even a little helpless, the road ahead was vast, and I was like a child with no way back, anxious and uneasy.
Friends who have followed me for a long time must have found that I am now too short of articles. I also felt that I didn't want to write more and more, but the year was over, and I always felt that I should use my words to record the vicissitudes of the year.
The articles written in the past few years, there are many resentments in the heart, writing articles often become an outlet in my life, every time I write, my mind seems to be filled with a lot of emotions, in urgent need of venting, and when I finish writing, the whole person is quiet. The air around him also froze, and although he was still lonely, his heart was filled with a sense of accomplishment of self-healing.
Since last year, I finally slowly came out, the work is not tired, although it is completely incompatible with my profession, but there is not so much bitterness and hatred, and I slowly adapted to it, of course, at the beginning there were a lot of unpleasantness, fortunately, I also slowly worked hard to get everything back to normal.
Therefore, I did not change the text, in fact, I am slowly getting better, at least my mental state is normal, the current life has healed my pain, let me slowly return to a normal person.
I am happy for my own day, life is probably a process of self-redemption, many things, the enlightenment of others can never let us ourselves open up, healing is a long process, and time becomes an antidote.
Why would I choose to quit when everything is normal, don't be puzzled, because I feel that I am now a normal person, I should try to find my own value in a job, although the goal of adults is to earn money, but I hope that I am happy to earn money, rather than like now, without goals and ideals, like the frog at the bottom of the well, passively changing my life.
At the beginning of the year, because of the breakup, so I did not know my own positioning, the fourth day of the New Year came to Kunming, remember the night I came to Kunming, Chunrong Street subway station no one, I carried a tow box, stood in the wind for a long time. Then I was intermittently dazed for work, and it could be said that I didn't look for a job well, and the whole person was like a lost soul.
Those pasts that are not worth mentioning make me unable to face myself. I have loved him, of course, I have hated him, but compared to love, my hatred may be just bluff, and the disappointment is probably knowing that the other party is no longer the original person, but still willing to believe him and accompany him. I once stood alone in the middle of the night on a deserted road, drinking wine, shedding tears, asking myself over and over again, what is wrong?
Now, I get it. In fact, we are all right, what is wrong is only reality, everyone will eventually have their own way and responsibilities, and the only thing they can do is to carry the weight forward.
I had thought about going back to Maitreya when I was confused, but at that time, my father complained about the marriage, and when I was at home, he and I always looked at each other with our eyes full of concerns, but when we sat down calmly, we found that we could not talk about anything.
I decided to find a job to do first, and after the mood stabilized, I chose to go back to Maitreya, and half a year passed, and the driver's license was also tested, and I also started a new relationship, and there was a brief self-deception pleasure, perhaps I was too simple, or I failed to achieve a double harvest of emotional career. Especially when I knew that my ex had been married to someone else for three months after breaking up with me, my whole being suddenly became quiet.
I don't argue, I don't make a fuss, I suddenly find that everything is so sarcastic, not everyone can believe everyone's words, not all people can be selfless enough to love someone, in fact, human nature is selfish, both men and women.
I moved to a new home, I also signed a simple set of public rental housing, in Kunming is a shelter from the rain, but when idle, I still think of the things that make me miserable, so people really can't idle. That's why I changed jobs.
Even if life is bad, I will plant a few flowers and talk about my respect for life, I believe that there will be many people in this world who feel the same as me. In October, a big brother of Luo Ping took the initiative to talk to me about some experiences, and finally, he said to me, can't help you anything, just send you two bouquets of flowers, so I received his flowers, very beautiful.
The flowers were planted, and the narrow room was illuminated, which seemed to tell me that the people on the road were not necessarily bad people, but that I just happened to meet the one.
A few of my colleagues are also fine, occasionally complaining about things at work together, and in general, I don't have much to worry about.
Later met Shenzhen open composition tutoring class Teacher Zhang, occasionally will help her change some small composition, earn some pocket money, I change the composition sometimes will be changed to two o'clock in the morning, sometimes depressed, I will look at the scenery downstairs, I live in the house on the 22nd floor, you can see half of the chenggong new city night view, in the distance, the star lights flicker, I often think, if you can bring your grandmother to live with me.
I had the idea of buying a car, but the new car was so expensive that I could only consider a used car, but I was a layman, a stupid woman who couldn't even drive a car alone.
My colleague Dabao is a particularly good person, he enthusiastically lent me his car, patiently taught me, and accompanied me to visit the used car market for two months. In the end, I had decided to buy it, and the epidemic in Kunming suddenly came. In Chenggong District, the performance of the whole company was dismal, and I began to panic, worried that I could not afford to lose the car loan, and also worried that my life would be dragged down by the car loan, so I still gave up temporarily.
By the way, my grandmother is still in good health, there is no serious illness, but the spirit has been abnormal, the intelligence is similar to that of a one-year-old child, I still smoke twice a month to go home, go home to help her bathe, wash clothes, and wait for all the housework to be done at night and then take the last high-speed train back to Kunming.
This kind of rush is really tiring, but I have no choice, I can only use the way I can change so far to support myself to move forward.
In the blink of an eye, it is a new year, if I can find a job with slightly better treatment, I will continue to stay in Kunming, after all, I am a person everywhere, so many years have long been accustomed to wandering, if there is no favor, there is a high probability that I will return to Mile County.
I am not a ruthless and unrighteous person, so today when I officially submitted my resignation, I actually had some small sadness, in the pursuit of ideals, the road to find myself, it is really difficult, this process will be filled with a lot of voices, some people feel that they can't do it, some people feel that they are fooling around, but only I know that the obstacle is long, only keep trying. Fellow villager Xiao Ge also resigned, she worked as a customer service at an online ride-hailing company in Guandu District, but the company has not paid a salary for three months, and she cried and told me that the credit card was overdue.
Last night I asked her if she had ever thought of going back to Maitreya together, she said she still wanted to wait a year or two, I asked her if she had the urge to get married, she also said no, perhaps, every girl who works independently is no longer a person who believes in feelings and marriage, many people will be very lucky, but we who come out of the countryside are not so lucky, so we can only choose to admit our fate, in addition to hard support and how many tears can flow.
I don't know what life will be like next year, whether I can really engage in the copywriting planning work I love, whether I can contact more warm people and things, I have no answers, but I wait and see, the new year, I am very good, thank you to all the friends who silently support and accompany me behind me.
There will always be regrets in life, those things that I can't change and influence have become a foregone conclusion, I just hope that every day after that is better than every day before, come on! The future can be expected!
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I'm an egret, thanks for reading