Between people and people, it is a two-way interactive emotional exchange.
In the emotional life, if you divide everything too clearly, it is like a lake that has lost its ripples, and it will only become a backwater.
As Carnegie, the father of adult education, said:
"If you want to have a long and deep friendship, you have to learn to 'owe' people, because it can make people feel a sense of importance and participation." 」
When communicating, don't choose to be tough when you need help; don't be scrupulous when you give help.
Because, indebtedness is a sincere interaction.
The relationship between people is gradually deepened in the process of "indebtedness" again and again.
In every relationship, there will be something to lose
As the saying goes, if there is companionship, there must be indebtedness.
Indemnity to each other is another form of mutual care for a good relationship.
Feelings are not transactions, and there is no need to rush to repay them like doing a task.
Sometimes, accepting the sincere giving of others is the greatest response to the other party.
Because in every relationship, there will be something to lose.
In the series "The True Colors of an Expert", a couple was interviewed.
Her husband, Hara Jin, is the head coach of a long-distance relay race, and he is busy training team members every day, and the trivialities of family life all fall on his wife Miho.
In life, she takes care of the family's diet and living;
At work, she cheers on her husband's team members and is her husband's most powerful assistant.
Thanks to Miho's proper care, her husband, Hara Jin, can devote himself to his work, train many well-known teams, and achieve excellent results in various competitions.
In the eyes of outsiders, the husband Yuan Jin owes too much to his wife Miho.
But the so-called indebtedness is just a preference for Miho.
And in the long time together, Miho herself has broadened her horizons and gained great growth.
Kuwaiti female writer Munir Al-Nassouf said:
"There is nothing more valuable in the life of a couple than sincerity, trust and thoughtfulness."
Feelings are something that cannot be quantified, and the efforts of two people cannot be equal, there will always be more or less.
If you deliberately care about each other's efforts, you will only let each other fall deeper and deeper in the entanglement, and ignore the beauty of life.
Regardless of gains and losses, treat each other with a cherished and caring mentality, and the relationship can be stable and long-lasting.
Intimacy is owed
We often hear old people say:
"Don't owe anything, don't owe anything."
But the older you get, the more you find that the truth that "others are good to you, you have to be ten" does not apply to all relationships.
Excessive sense of proportion will only create an emotional distance between each other that cannot be crossed.
As Cangyang Gyatso said, "It is better not to be together, so that you can not owe each other." ”
Everyone has the instinct to rely on each other, and the intimate relationship that accompanies each other is the best way for us to draw warm love.
In the novel "Four Springs", Lu Yunkun and Li Guixian are a couple.
In the era of material scarcity, Li Guixian listened to people, took out a loan to buy more than a hundred rabbits, and waited for the person to come and recycle rabbit feathers at a high price.
Li Guixian has a good plan in mind: not only can he work from home, but he can also make money to subsidize his family.
In order to feed the rabbits, Li Guixian got up early and was greedy, so tired that even the time to sleep became very small.
However, the people who promised to recycle rabbit hair at a high price were not heard from.
After realizing that he had been deceived, Li Guixian broke down and cried.
She felt that she had not only spent all her savings, but more importantly, she was indebted to her husband Lu Yunkun for his trust and support.
However, Lu Yunkun did not blame his wife for her "recklessness".
On the contrary, he felt that it was precisely because he could not take care of his wife's emotions and owed her that he had made her suffer so much grievance.
The two revealed their hearts: they both felt that they did not pay as much as the other, and felt that they were indebted.
After this incident, the couple saw each other's sincerity and the relationship became closer.
Indebtedness is like the glue in an intimate relationship.
It is not the same as taking and greed, but rather the feeling of each other's needs and self-worth in the process of giving.
I've heard a description of two people together, like two half-full bottles of water.
Pour water on each other, and then the living water will continue.
If you just pour water from bottle to bottle without supplying each other, one bottle will be emptied one day.
As described in the "Franklin Effect": If you want someone to like you, let him do something small for you.
When the two get along, the process of support and support is the root of the warming of feelings.
Learn to "owe" right
Writer Wu Zhihong said:
"Don't be afraid to trouble others, if you don't bother each other, there is no way to build a relationship."
You throw in the peach, I return it to Qiong Yao, the feelings can be more mellow.
This emotional interaction is also the continuous running-in of the two hearts.
Strong feelings have never been produced at once, but in the long years, they have warmed each other and foamed at each other.
May you and I both learn to "owe" correctly and live better with the people around us.
There are 3 small methods recommended to you by Shujun:
Have an interactive awareness
"All relationships go bad from the beginning of 'one side does its best, the other side is not moved.'"
A sentence seen on the Internet describes the process of a relationship from intimacy to rupture.
Having a sense of interaction is the cornerstone of relationship preservation.
The male protagonists in the movie "Easy and Free" Dean and Anna are college classmates.
After the two graduated, they rented the same apartment.
During the long relationship, Anna has a secret affection for Dean, and she wants to help Dean in every way she can.
However, Dean did not realize it and enjoyed it all for granted.
Slowly, Anna lost her confidence and turned to another colleague with whom she interacted frequently.
Later, she said to Dean:
"Actually, we could have been together, but you never took the initiative."
Without an interactive awareness, it is difficult to go on for a long time.
When each other's needs can be seen, it is the beginning of the proper placement of emotions.
Establish deep links
Looking back, we found that the "dead party" we met from childhood to adulthood was when we "leaked" our true thoughts and true emotions to each other.
Unloading their defenses, the distance between them seemed to be close at once.
Netizen @Doufeizi shared a story, she said:
"I'm often asked if love diminishes as I get married.
In my personal experience, if we get along with our partners with our hearts, not only will we not be less, but more and more.
Like my 20-year marriage, we 'take' from each other, give to each other, and build deep emotional links very well. ”
There is also a saying in psychology that there are three basic levels of relationship between people and people, role relationship, emotional relationship and deep link.
People who are deeply linked can go into each other's hearts and experience each other's emotions.
Through emotional interaction, it produces spiritual resonance and achieves psychological recognition.
This is also the most important feature of all relationships, the continuous maintenance of harmony.
Master boundaries and scales
Writer Baby Anne says:
"Good feelings are to accompany each other, but not to bind each other, not to entangle each other, the two stand side by side, watch the flowers blossom and fall in the world." 」
Everything has a ruler, but it is too late.
Even if the relationship is close, it cannot be unrestrained, and it can be better fulfilled by being targeted.
In the movie "Twelve Nights", Ginny and Alan meet and know each other.
The two fell in love and soon came together.
Ginny is very attached to her boyfriend, and at first, Alan is very tolerant of her and will accompany her when she has time.
But gradually, Ginny lost her measure.
When Alan goes out to a party, she calls to track her down; Alan feels deliberately alienated because she can't respond in time for a meeting...
The loss of a sense of proportion of the relationship left Alan at a loss, and the two eventually chose to separate.
Feelings without boundaries, no breathing space, it is easy to get bored by love.
In the interaction, willing to give each other independent time, keep a distance and rely on each other, is the healthiest intimate relationship.
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Each person is an incomplete half of the circle, looking for the other half in the next life.
Life goes around, and it is a kind of luck to meet the other half of the soul that fits together, and it also requires the wisdom to get along.
When you meet, you interact sincerely; when you meet, you deeply link; after getting to know each other, grasp the scale and move towards psychological recognition.
No matter how far the road ahead is, a little more understanding, there will be more peace, more giving, and feelings can heat up and warm up.
The process of getting along is like two people running an orchard together, cultivating seedlings together, and waiting for the harvest together.
Learn to give sincerely, learn to accept calmly, cherish and support each other in your two-way journey.
The most moving thing in love is this accommodation and love.