On the last day of 2021, I'll give myself an annual summary.
What happened this year? Looking back, it seems like nothing has been done.
The work is smooth and stable, there is no brilliance and no mistakes, interpersonal relations remain stable; the family is stable and stable, the relationship between husband and wife is normal, the children grow up healthily, the elderly have more small illnesses this year, but by the end of this year, they are almost all better; personal health has improved slightly compared with last year, basically did not go to the hospital, the number of exercises is more than last year, learned to swim, and the weight has also decreased, but it is not obvious.
other...... Nothing more.
In terms of my personal interests, in addition to the messy miscellaneous books, I read a lot of professional books on psychology from May to August, and also learned a handful of psychometrics and statistics; I took some poetry explanatory videos, recited more than a hundred ancient poems with my children, and are still continuing; I updated 77 articles on the self-media account, and wrote about 200,000 words a year...
It seems like I've done a lot, but still haven't done anything.
At the beginning of the year, I remember writing an article myself, "Who is my role model?" I remember that I chose four people, one was Yang Xiaomi, one was Tess, one was Hot Mom, and one was Luo Luo. I don't know these four people, but I know them through the public name of the article, and I admire their persistence, seriousness, and persistence...
You see, when writing this sentence, the adjectives that popped up in my head involuntarily were these, "persistence, seriousness, persistence", as to whether it was smart, whether it was rich, whether it was stepping on hot spots and finding the right outlet, I didn't care at all.
What does this mean? It only shows that "persistence, seriousness, persistence" are qualities that I attach great importance to, so when they are reflected in others, I can find them at a glance; however, in real life, I can't do it.
This is my original intention in writing this article, and on this last day of 2021, I want to ask myself a rhetorical question: Why, why can't you always stick with it? What exactly is your feeling?
This is not a very simple question to answer, because on the surface, I have been very busy, never relaxed, this year has been insisting on doing some things, but if you look at the goals I set at the beginning of the year, it is very humiliating, my goals have not been completed, for example, insisting on daily changes, shooting 50 poetry videos, completing an exam... I didn't do a single one.
This feeling is actually quite frustrating, even if I have another voice in my heart: you run the family very well, you don't have to be frustrated by it, your children are so cute... But I still feel that if I don't finish it, I am a very good mother/wife/daughter/daughter-in-law, but I am not a very good self.
How to enhance my personal sense of value is the most important problem I need to face in 2022.
In fact, it is a bit impossible to write here, how to improve it? Choosing means giving up, which is a phrase I understood when I was very young, that when you choose to put your time and energy here, it means to ignore some other people and things – if I choose to focus on improving my own personal value in 2022, what about my family, my children? Who will choose them?
So, after becoming a mother, you don't dare to say harsh words anymore – your weakness is there, and you can't give up at all.
However, the situation is always getting better, in 2021, my biggest feeling is that children have grown up, whether it is learning or life, have gradually entered the right track - they are no longer stubborn, do not understand the rules of human society of the beast, although occasionally naughty, but have learned to use human civilization and rules to restrain and motivate themselves. And this undoubtedly frees up a lot of personal space for me as a mother.
With space to move, more internal drive is needed. I have achieved nothing over the years, not so much because of the children, but more because of myself - although I am very hard and diligent, I can not always do persistence and concentration, many hobbies, but too scattered, so in the end, nothing was done.
Thinking about it further, the deeper reasons, why can't we persevere and focus?
The root cause is that I don't want to be constrained, I just want to find myself that sense of whimsy and freedom.
Therefore, when writing articles, I only want to write the emotions and thoughts that burst out from the depths of my heart; reading, I only want to read words that can make me feel that my soul has resonance and growth and harvest; when I shoot videos, I only shoot moments that I feel valuable and worth recording--on my personal turf, I wantonly and completely spoil myself, and I don't want to wrong myself or get used to others.
Such willfulness, of course, can not make money.
However, why is it that when you are old, why are you still so willful?
Writing this, I am actually a little sad, the reason is not him, just because "too lack of love":
I wasn't spoiled as a child (not only was I not spoiled, but puberty has always been deliberately suppressed), so now that I am an adult and have the conditions, I want to enjoy a handful of freedom fiercely;
Being a wife and mother has not been well pampered, so in my own small world, I want to enjoy a lot of wantonness -
What I want to write, what I want to shoot, what I want to see, I don't care if I have traffic, I don't care if I can make money, I only care about whether I feel satisfied and happy - I just want to love myself completely.
Isn't that selfish? A little bit . But so what.
Looking back at my 2021, I have a more understanding of my life and work:
The work is indeed smooth and stable, there is no brilliance and no mistakes, but behind this "stability" is because I am doing things that make me relax and feel meaningful at the same time, so I can completely endure the monotony, boring, and no development prospects of the work;
Interpersonal relationships get along harmoniously, whether with colleagues or with in-laws, this year there are few disputes and contradictions. Is it because I have a good temper and high self-cultivation? Of course not, but because I have a rather dexterous pen, I can release emotions and reflect and summarize in the text, so that I am not entangled and do not hold back.
Is my personal health slightly improved compared to last year because I attach great importance to maintenance? In fact, it is not, but this year there are few inexplicable mood depressions, sadness, occasional anger and grievances can be resolved quickly, and I am willing to spend money and time on sports and fitness.
Is the relationship between husband and wife and parent-child relationship very healthy because I am gentle and patient? No, but relaxation, my own anxiety becomes less; and from the books I read, I have drawn too much nutritional wisdom to be able to see problems more thoroughly and understand others more deeply.
So, to sum up, 2021 is still a year of little achievement, but it is the best year for myself in the last decade.
So, thank yourself, thank you to my family and friends, thank you to all the people around me.
Looking back on this year, too many happy fragments came to mind:
Take the children to the hot spring together, eat with friends, take the children back to their mother's house in the summer, sneak out with their husbands to watch movies, eat barbecues... The days are ordinary, but I feel unspeakably at ease. Writing this, I suddenly remembered two poems, let it be the end of my 2021 article, it is:
At that time, the bright moon was there, and the clouds had returned.