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The researchers point out that the people who are fascinated by such men are often extremely loving and nurturing women, because "they see the shining points of others, and it is difficult to believe that some people are really completely bad." Then with good wishes, willingly jump into the trap.
"Nan Zhou knows" (nz_zhidao) to talk to you about where the bottom line of "the prodigal son turns back" is.
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Last week, actors Qiu Ze and Xu Weining suddenly posted a group photo on social platforms and announced the news of marriage, which triggered heated discussion among netizens. The two actors are handsome and beautiful, very good in appearance, and they also have a happy and sweet face in the photo.
However, the love experience of the two is a bit complicated. In Qiu Ze's previous love experience, it is the image of a "scumbag" who is cold and violent and has repeatedly cheated, while Xu Weining has experienced many betrayals of her boyfriend and has a short marriage history.
As the saying goes, "The prodigal son does not change his head", which means that those who do not follow the right path repent and repent and are extremely valuable. And it is undeniable that the prodigal son with some "dangerous" atmosphere on his body is at some point more attractive than a pure and upright person. But if this situation is in an intimate relationship, is the truth still valid?
Will the prodigal son turn back?
The silly white sweet girl was fascinated by the handsome boy, knowing that it was difficult for the two to have a good result, but she still couldn't resist the heartbeat... This is a plot that often appears in film and television dramas, personal feelings, on average, in every 10 youth campus theme movies and TV series, 6 will appear such routine plots. Well, some of them staged a happy ending of the reunion of "the prodigal son turning back", and some could not wait to turn back, which laid the groundwork for the subsequent protagonist's blackening.
Stripping away the uncontrollable factor of appearance, scientists have found evidence for the attractiveness of "bad boys."
Cunningham, a professor at the University of Louisville, believes that "bad boys" are usually high in testosterone, have hyper masculine tendencies, and are more presumptuous and bold. Testosterone, on the other hand, is an important male hormone, that is, from a biological point of view, they have a physiological attraction.
Fugel, a professor of psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University, further explains: "Men with significant masculine traits may have better genetic quality, so they are more likely to attract women's attention during natural evolution." But, she adds, "Under intellectual conditions, most women believe that choosing bad boys is not a long-term solution." ”
Therefore, from a biological point of view, the probability of the "prodigal son turning back" may be similar to the probability of genetic mutation, about one in a billion.
But probability is probability after all, some prodigal sons are not necessarily bad to the genes, they may just have some human weaknesses and defects, such as love to lie, love to throw pots, lack of responsibility, in case they can change?
Syd, a psychiatrist, dissects what this moth-like firefighting mentality is all about, "If you can get people to commit, it's a very fulfilling thing." If you can take one, it will prove to some extent that you are young, beautiful and interesting. Forced by social pressure, women often need many ways to affirm their value, and making the prodigal son turn back is also one of the methods. ”
Speechlessly, the researchers also pointed out that the people who are fascinated by such men are often extremely loving and nurturing women, because "they see the shining points of others, and it is difficult to believe that some people can really be completely bad." Then with good wishes, willingly jump into the trap.
In fact, experts agree that most of the time these men don't make a difference. The sentence "__ only 0 times and countless times" is a phrase that anyone who understands it understands that the blank space can be filled in with any vicious event that occurs in the intimate relationship, such as lying, leg splitting, cold violence. Relevant studies have shown that leg-splitting men are more likely to split their legs again in future relationships.
You don't have to try to impress a prodigal son with love, just as you can't make a cow that is not thirsty, bow its head and drink water.
"Turning back" takes two people to work on
In a romantic relationship, the prodigal son back to change or not, in fact, is not a big deal, if you are happy, you can try to believe that the legendary level of probability events such as "the prodigal son turns back" will really appear on their own, anyway, after hitting the south wall, even if the prodigal son does not turn back, you will turn back.
When cheating and being deceived, it is normal to have complex emotions such as hurt, anger, frustration, confusion, and denial of yourself. Taking some time to sort out what happened and focusing on yourself should be the highest priority.
But if it is in a marriage relationship, the attitude and method of handling things can be very different, which often involves children, property, families of both parties, and so on. It's no exaggeration to say that the multiple choice question of whether or not to give your partner a second chance should be one of the hardest decisions in a marriage.
Fidelity is the premise of marriage, infidelity does not always mean the end of marriage, under the premise of your partner's sincere repentance, your marriage may be able to save it. However, both of you must realize that the relationship between the two will never go back to the past, and if you want to change this situation, you can't pretend that nothing happened.
Remember, affairs are not just regulars in unhappy marriages, but it's even more ridiculous to throw the pot of infidelity to your partner. While physical or emotional alienation can be more likely to have an affair, happy couples can also encounter this problem. Dr. Lerner, a psychologist and best-selling author, analyzed in a related article that there are actually many triggers for infidelity, and the work environment is also one of them.
In addition to showing genuine repentance, the partner explicitly shows the action of breaking off contact with the cheating partner, and it is also a positive hint of the relationship to normalize, such as providing social account passwords to facilitate checking chat history; installing relevant procedures on mobile phones, providing GPS location; signing legally valid postnuptial agreements, and so on.
From this point of view, "turning back" is not just a matter of one person, it requires working together to repair trust, and to manage cautiously and cautiously in the long run. Many professionals point out that marriage can indeed survive the crisis of infidelity, but only when both parties work together and have confidence can the problem have a chance to be solved.
Of course, everyone's bottom line and understanding of intimacy are different, and it is difficult to generalize. Marriage experts have given some typical "red flags" that people with the following behaviors are not worthy of a second chance (FYI):
- The object of the affair is a former partner
- Long derailment
-Split legs at the beginning of love
- Lack of sincere remorse and apologies
- Think cheating is just making "a mistake everyone makes"
- Strong desire for control
And finally, don't pick up your partner in the trash. People with obvious moral flaws are not even "prodigal sons", and even if they look back, they are just "recyclable garbage".