Julie Lythcott-Haims, Julie Leascott-Hyams. Julie graduated from Harvard University and served as Stanford University's freshman provost for more than ten years, and is a well-known educationalist in the United States. Julie once said in a speech that it is normal for parents to spend a lot of time and energy to participate in their children's education and life, but everything is too much, and going to extremes will bring harm. Today we will talk about how to properly join the life of children.
Many times, we are thinking about whether we are not involved enough in the life of our children, whether we cannot accompany our children wholeheartedly, and we cannot arrange everything for our children in every detail, resulting in insufficient success for our children. A lot of chicken soup texts are warning children's parents that children cannot leave their parents around, and the child's life process needs parental participation. As a result, many parents misinterpret that they are eager to give up their work and everything with their children.
But such an idea is exactly wrong, we need to educate children, we need to intervene in children's lives, but please do not intervene too much, such an extreme, but it will bring disadvantages.
The extreme here is what many Chinese children experience now, as parents are too involved in the child's education process, pay attention to various trivial things around them, and guide children how to do and how to do in life and learning. Many parents even think that only by arranging everything for their children can their children study without distraction, go to a good university, and find a good job. In many cases, we arrange for our children to eat, drink and dress, tell them how to eat well and dress warmly, and we report various cram classes to our children, even eloquence classes and writing classes. Tell your child to participate in activities and have leadership skills in school, so that he can become a working cadre and get the teacher's like. Many times, we become more like the child's secretary than the parents.
What will it be like for children to grow up in such a life, they do not have too much time to play freely, because as parents, we hope that children can "fully" live every day, so now children, in their spare time, after school, also have to face a variety of learning classes, interest classes. There are even times when these interests are not really what they like, but we feel that children need to be skilled in addition to learning.
We often say that we want our children to be happy and happy, but many times, our children come home from school and are indeed academic inquiries, "What are the grades, how is the homework today... Hurry up and eat, finish writing homework..."
Over time, the child will convert the love of his parents for him into academic achievements, and the recognition in our mouths refers to the high score of the test score. Over time, even when your child goes to college and goes to college, what they think about will not be what major I am interested in, what kind of university I should go to. They will only ask the teacher or the elders what is called a "good major" and what is a "good university". Maybe some parents will say, this is very good, the future of the social examination is the grades and school, even if you repeat all this mechanically, it is also for the future to have a good time. But many times, we should think, what is the cost of "out of breath"?
We have arranged the first half of the child's life, can we arrange the second half of life? Blindly pursuing data, listening to the education of parents and teachers, what will happen to their lives when they go to college and even find a job, when they are faced with chai rice, oil, salt, salary, and when they really think about the direction of life, they have become what people call "nerds". In life, there are not so many high scores to pursue, and it is not the best results that bring the best jobs and salaries. They will be manic little by little, and the life that no one arranges loses its meaning.
As parents, we should not overly protect our children, because doing so deprives children of the ability to build self-confidence and self-esteem, and do not let children become good babies, as if they have lost our protection and they are nothing, they need to make more decisions and actions for their own lives. Even when they make mistakes, they can think independently and change and plan. All our parents have to do is be a safe haven to rely on.
It's not that the child's life should be left to its own devices, but don't participate too much and correct it. Don't think of "achievements" as goals, these are not worth everyone's struggle for. What we need is "ideal" and "pursuit". Let the child choose their favorite hobbies and hobbies, and even academic work. As parents, our focus should be on our children's happiness rather than academics.
So let go of the life that is arranged for children, we don't need to turn children into what they want, what we need is to let children make their own decisions in their own lives and live their own wonderful.