Text/Pan Caixia
In the summer of 1955, 17-year-old Raymond Carver walked into a fast-food restaurant in Washington State and was nervous and warm when he bumped into a bright smile.
Greeted by Marianne Burke. Although she was only 15 years old, she was tall and tall, already a standard blonde beauty. She attended a Catholic school and used her vacations to work in restaurants.
Carver in front of her was tall and shy, and Marianne had a premonition: "I want to marry this boy!" ”
American novelist Raymond Carver
As if by providence, he also fell in love with her at first sight.
Carver's father, a sawmiller and alcoholic, and his mother, a waitress, often followed them on a to-do basis. What life gave him was more of a sneer and a mockery.
Marianne's smile, warm and friendly, made him shudder.
The love of young people is simple and hot, and after the rain, Hsinchu grows fast, like glue in paint, they read the classic works of Chekhov, Flaubert and other writers together, and Carver began to be fascinated by literature.
In the eyes of his friends, Carver mune, strong, is a clumsy guy, but in Marianne's eyes, "he is melancholy and talented", which is simply perfect.
Despite Carver's smoking, drinking, and turbulent life, Marianne firmly believes that it is enough for them to fall in love, and she has no worries or fears.
At the end of the summer, Carver went on to high school, and Marianne returned to school, with the hope of becoming a lawyer in the future.
Soon, however, an unexpected pregnancy disrupted all this, and after Marianne graduated from high school, two poor families had to hold a wedding for them.
One is 18 years old, the other is 16 years old, they are still children themselves, but they are about to become parents.
Carver
In exchange for cleaning, they were allowed to live in the basement of a clinic, maintaining flowers and trees in the summer and shoveling snow and sprinkling salt on the aisles in the winter. Those days were later written into novels by Carver:
"These two children are really very much in love with each other. The bottom line is that they all have big ambitions, crazy fantasists who are always talking about things to do and where to go. ”
With a young heart full of passion, Carver took two courses at an academy while taking two courses— Introduction to Medieval European History and Philosophy.
He was a writer in common, but it wasn't long before family life was in chaos. After the birth of his daughter, Carver was clearly at a loss. Damn, Marianne found herself pregnant again.
In order to cope with the poor life, and to prove that she and her children will not drag Down Carver's writing, she went to work regardless of her pregnancy. Two weeks later, with the money she earned, she bought Carver a birthday present: her first typewriter.
Despite her poverty, Marianne supported Carver's studies, and in 1958 Carver entered a university in California.
The family was destitute, and with borrowed money, they moved their family from Washington State to California. Shortly after the start of school, a son was born.
To support her family, on a gloomy rainy day, Marianne found a job as a waitress in a restaurant. Less than 20 years old, two children, one just full moon, one one year old, like the sea flooding the beach, youth is swept away.
Carver with his second wife
Marianne took on all the burdens of life and postponed her reading plan for Carver's dream. Supported by her work as a restaurant waiter and telephone operator, Carver learned to write without distraction.
In college, Carver worked part-time, sometimes as a lumber mill worker, sometimes as a librarian, and began to try his hand at writing.
However, novels rarely succeeded, and pessimism often hung over him, complaining about the noise of his children, complaining that family life had shortened his youth, and complaining that he "did not have a talent for writing".
Marianne made it her duty to rent, milk, bread, and sometimes even work several jobs a day, and she was always convinced that Carver would become a "great artist." Outside of work, she promotes Carver's work everywhere, hoping that people will appreciate his talent.
In 1963, Carver earned a Bachelor of Arts degree, and his teacher suggested that he study at the Iowa Writers Workshop, which is the cradle for young writers.
Carrying only $1 in his pocket, he drove a battered Chevrolet with two four- or five-year-olds and a family to Iowa. Along the way, Marianne worked for two hours for the restaurant before they switched to a free lunch.
After arriving in Iowa, Carver received a scholarship and began publishing novels and poems.
Marianne also has her own goals, working as a waitress in a club while enrolling in college and seizing the opportunity to study. She is always optimistic and passionate about the future.
Carver, on the contrary, found that writing could not change the bad situation at all, always financially stressed, always stretched, discouraged, and fled Iowa before he could get his degree.
The founders of the University of Iowa Writers' Writing Workshop, Mr. and Mrs. Nie Hualing
With no savings and no fixed home, in order to avoid debts, secretly moving overnight has become commonplace. Carver is shy, sensitive, and hates work, which makes him more escapist.
In order not to make Carver give up writing, Marianne took a job of going door-to-door to sell encyclopedias, and for a long time, once again, she was alone with a family of four.
Life stabilized slightly, Carver entered the peak of his creative period, a novel was selected for the "1967 Best American Short Story Collection", and his confidence was doubled after years of perseverance.
Over the next two or three years, he published two books of poetry, and after gaining a place in writers' circles, he was recommended to a university to lecture on poetry.
At that time, Marianne also earned a college diploma and became a high school teacher.
I thought that life had finally opened its arms to them, who expected that Carver had entered the "bad Carver era", like his father, and his alcoholism was like a shadow.
Worse still, in the room he rented alone for the sake of writing, Marianne saw two pillows on the bed.
Alcoholism plunged the family back into poverty, Marianne worked during the day and worked as a waitress at night, and while Carver and his friends played golf, she was hosting customers at the bar in the same club where they played.
Quarrels, contradictions, accusations, and doubts filled the family, and after a drunken attack, Carver lost control and picked up the bottle and smashed it on Marianne's forehead.
Even so, Marianne still guards the marriage, she said: "For me, it is impossible to write him off. ”
In 1976, Carver published his first influential collection of novels, Please Be Quiet, Okay? The title page of the book is his dedication: "Dedicate this book to Marianne." ”
Ironically, the day after the book was published, he was charged with defrauding unemployment benefits, and in court, Marianne used the book to prove to the judge: "He is a promising man, a victim of unfulfilled dreams and alcoholism." ”
Her plea finally saved him from prison. A year later, the novel was nominated for the National Book Award, and Carver began to gain attention from the mainstream publishing industry.
Please be quiet, okay? 》
However, the alcoholism continued, and when he was admitted to the hospital again, the doctor warned that his first book might become the last. Carver made up his mind to quit drinking.
The "Bad Carver Era" was over, and Carver received more financial aid, high literary allowances, and a stable job teaching at a university.
But at the same time, he said in the poem: "The word love is gradually darkening, becoming ethereal and wavering." ”
At a party, he met the poetess Tess Gallach, 39, who couldn't wait to leave Marianne and her two children.
However, he was reluctant to divorce, and he was "upset" at the thought of "another man greasing Marianne's bread slices".
Two years later, Marianne decided to let go. For more than 20 years, she has accompanied a sawmiller to grow into a writer with her youth and sweat, and she has become accustomed to loving him with all she has.
When they broke up, in order to reassure Carver to write, she voluntarily gave up her due property, "I believe that if I get into trouble in the future, he will not stand idly by."
However, this was not the case, and at the age of 40, Marianne had to go to another city and start working as a waitress again.
Carver and Tess were married, but the guilt for Marianne never went away, and he often said to others, "I married the girl I loved, but ruined her life." ”
It was the humble, trivial days that Marianne represented that became eternal in his pen, and it was those chapters that established his place in the American short story world.
In 1987, Carver was diagnosed with lung cancer. After his illness, he corresponded frequently with Marianne, and after the publication of the novel collection Where I Called, he sent her a copy that read:
"Dedicated to Marian, my oldest friend, my daring young companion, my equally daring middle-aged companion, my wife and virtuous helper for so long, the mother of my children. This book is a memorial to love, because there are some things worth remembering. In any case, it's always about love, no one knows, they don't know, absolutely no one knows. ”
The drop is: your ray.
In the last moments of his life, Carver longed to see Marianne, thinking of the 14-year-old girl who had a smiling face, and he said to his wife, Tess, "Remember, she used to be like an angel!" ”
After Carver's death, almost all of her inheritance was left to Tess, and Marianne received only accusations. It is said that she married Carver prematurely, because of the drag of the family, which caused him to never write a long book in his lifetime.
Marianne could not argue. In 2006, however, she completed her memoir, What It Was Like: My Marriage to Raymond Carver, which she dedicated to her two children, as well as Carver, whom she called "our father."
There is no resentment in the book, only "loving, vivid memories", the first half of suffering and disappointment, with their common growth, that is more important than love.
"Have you got what you wanted in this life / I got / What do you want / Call myself dear / Feel loved in this world."
Carver's tombstone is inscribed with his last poem. Yes, he got it, and even though he had been dead for 18 years, he was still loved by her, just as he had been.
The Legend of Carver