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A recent documentary about leftover women, with a high score of 7.8 on Douban, has attracted people's attention.
This "Chinese Leftover Women", directed by an Israeli director, showed the audience the marriage experience of three leftover women in the form of a documentary, and once the film was broadcast, it quickly caused netizens to watch and discuss, and also let 90 million leftover women finally have an answer to the problem of suffocation that plagued themselves after watching.
The three lives of China's 90 million leftover women, these three women carefully selected by the director, aged about 30 years old, with high education of economic independent women, the current coordinates are in the domestic first-tier cities.
The three women have the typical characteristics of leftover women, and can represent the status and state of the three leftover women.
The first woman, Xiaomin, is 28 years old this year, a well-behaved girl in the family, and is also a mother's treasure girl, and everything must be arranged by the family. His family is a native of Beijing and now works as an anchor on a radio and television station.
Xiao Min's family conditions are good, and she has a house and a car in Beijing. When looking for another half, strictly follow the parents' conditions to choose, must be a local hukou in Beijing, rural hukou is not considered, there must be a stable job.
This item is the condition and requirement listed by the mother, and Xiaomin missed many people who have a relationship under the control of her mother. Xiao Min, who has good conditions in her own right, may have gotten rid of the identity of a leftover girl long ago if she had not been bound by her parents' conditions.
Xiaomin's mother's standard of measurement is based on economic foundations and has never considered whether her daughter is happy.
It can be seen from this that although Xiaomin is 28 years old, she is not yet mentally independent and has not awakened consciously. Blindly obeying the arrangements of his parents, he has no clear requirements for his marriage and future spouse.
Xiao Min, who seems to have excellent material conditions, has become economically independent, but he is still not independent enough in consciousness and spirit.
The second is 30-year-old Gai Qi, an assistant professor at a film school with a relatively stable job and roots in first-tier cities.
However, because of the pressure of her family, she hastily chose to marry a rural object. Skipping the stage of love, giving birth to children as soon as they get married, and getting busy in their own small home.
However, the in-laws are not satisfied with the age of this daughter-in-law, and more than 25 years old in the countryside is an older youth. The in-laws never mentioned the age of their daughter-in-law in their hometown, for fear of being gossiped about by the neighbors in the village.
For the practice of the in-laws, Gai Qi did not say anything, because he considered getting married mainly because his parents were sick and owed a lot of debts, and after marriage, he considered more about the pension of his parents.
Gai Qi could not let go of his sick parents at home, and because of his inner filial piety, he did not rebel against his parents, and finally chose to marry and have children with the current.
To a certain extent, I agree with everyone's requirements for women, marriage and children, and the establishment of a stable family is the way for women to go. Even as a Kochi woman, Gai Qi did not escape the identity shackles imposed by women in society.
The third woman is Hua Mei, 34, a very good independent woman who now works as a lawyer at a well-known law firm in a first-tier city and has an enviable job and social status.
She came from an ordinary rural family in Shandong, and now her parents' requirements for her are to get married quickly, and Hua Mei is also very helpless.
In the eyes of his parents, no matter how good his job and income are, the 34-year-old is still an older leftover woman who can't marry, and the family is bombarding and urging marriage every day.
Hua Mei, who is proud in the workplace, has always been complained by her family about getting married, and Hua Mei can't help but shed tears when she mentions this.
Self-sufficiency is much better than most men in the family, but traditional thinking prevents parents from accepting their daughter's status as unmarried in her thirties.
A well-known lawyer, an independent woman with a high intellectual structure, still did not have the courage to break the taboo of female identity, and failed in one confrontation with her parents.
It can be seen from this that Hua Mei's thinking and thinking mode are still bound by traditional concepts, and knowledge only brings her the ability to work, but does not open up her traditional ideas.
Because of the so-called filial piety, she was persuaded by her family again and again, and her inner feminist consciousness has not been activated.
Many women are bound by their inner filial piety to their parents, and the stereotype of thinking is difficult to change. Even with higher education and all new ideas, the shackles of the heart are still difficult to break.
Eventually, he was bound by the emotions of his family and ignored his own inner needs. Eventually succumb to the pressure of family and marry for the sake of getting married.
From the experience of these three typical leftover women, we can see that there is still a long way to go before China can truly achieve women's independence. Unmarried women do not deserve happiness, unmarried women have problems with their thinking, this high-scoring documentary unveils the most shameful side of China's leftover women, women who do not marry are not filial piety, and will be criticized everywhere.
Many women are still influenced by family and human sophistication, and without establishing a family, there is a sense of loneliness abandoned by society and the times.
Society's requirements for women are still relatively harsh, and the failure of the 90 million leftover women in China to have marriages and families is not simply a woman's fault.
As an independent woman, we must first clarify what we really want in our hearts, and have the courage to reject those troubles, so that we can not be bound spiritually and achieve true independence.
- The End - The author | Tommy Edit the | Rain The First Psychological Chief Writer Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars 参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205 WeChat public account: the first psychology