Mu Jia, because of skiing, caused by leg disabilities, after several rehabilitation training failures, can only rely on a wheelchair to live, unwilling to go out, not willing to go to school. Her mother, for some family reasons, suffered from psychosis and could only live in a nursing home for a long time. Her father, Malevin, is a successful bookseller with a successful career, because she was busy with work in the early days and had little companionship with Mu Jia, so she has always had mustard in her heart.
She is willful. You can change 3 tutors a month; you can directly use a knife to cut the massage chair sent by someone you don't like; you can even directly take the tea and splash the teacher, although it ends up splashing on her own father's face.
She rebelled. You can run away quietly to embarrass your own governess; you can run away from home when you are at odds with your family, and you don't want to go home at the police station; you can even say to your sick and alcoholic mother: "You let her drink to death." ”
In fact, she is just a child who has lacked love since childhood. Since childhood, she has witnessed too many parental quarrels, mother's ignorance, father's neglect, coupled with the blow of physical disability, which makes her more closed to herself as a child.
Mei Ting, on the other hand, is just a Jane Ai teacher who takes the graduating class in the county middle school. Not a graduate of a prestigious school, nor a high degree. Just for love, came to the city of Beijing, yin and yang mistakenly became Mu Jia's tutor.
Mu Jia and Jane Ai, the pair of "teachers and students", staged a story of being healed in the TV series "Journey of No Confusion". From the first time they met, it was as if I had seen the happy ending of this rebellious child being healed.
Because the tutor was blown away by his daughter, Malevin could not find a suitable candidate for the time being. In the end, not only was the interview late, but also the simplicity of answering the phone during the interview process, and I got this opportunity. The phone call she received during the interview was a call for help from a former student, which created an opportunity for Simplicity and also reflected her advantages in education.
The first time she simply saw That Mu Jia was in a wheelchair, she took the initiative to walk up to Mu Jia, crouch down, talk to Mu Jia, and introduce herself. She squatted down, so natural and casual, but revealed an extraordinary sense of strength, this kind of power is destined to dissolve the indifference between her and Mu Jia, as well as the indifference on Mu Jia's body.
The role played by Mei Ting, simple, as a teacher, respect for children, is vividly expressed in small actions.
The first time in class, Mu Jia did not give a good face. When he simply said that he was reading an article to Mu Jia and was reading it aloud, Mu Jia directly recited it in French. He also uttered a wild speech: "I only read the French version, just you, can you understand?" In the face of Mu Jia's provocation, Simple did not flinch.
The next day, Simple bought Mu Jia a lot of books for her, although at that time, Simple had been unilaterally dismissed by Mu Jia's father.
"I bought you a few books, some about France, and I hope you like it!" "You think you know me well?" I didn't like any books at all, they were all stuffed by my dad. ” "But if you can recite a passage in French, that at least means you still like it, right?"
I think that at this moment, Mu Jia is a little emotional, because the simple action has narrowed the distance between them a little. And the next words must have touched the softest place in Mu Jia's heart:
"I know, sometimes you don't want to communicate with people, and sometimes you want to throw things. However, these are all negative means, and you can have other choices. For example, do something you like, forget about the unhappy things, even if it is temporary, and slowly you will be more and more happy. ”
In the field of psychological counseling, the above paragraph is called "emotional expression", which is also a common technique of empathy. I have to, simple is a teacher, more like a psychological counselor, easily into the heart of Mu Jia.
Simple was later invited back by Mu Jia's father. Do you think that such a simple relationship with Mu Jia will be reconciled? Not really.
Mu Jia let Simple push himself out for a spin, ostensibly the reconciliation and trust of the relationship between the two, but in fact there was a pit waiting for Simple to jump in. After going out, Mu Jia let a simple person go to the supermarket to buy water on the grounds of thirst, opened the gap for simple water, and quietly hid himself.
In the end, in order to catch up with Mu Jia, Simple was hit by a bicycle when crossing the road, his knees were bleeding, and the blood penetrated Simple's thick jeans, but he still picked up the water on the ground and handed it to Mu Jia. There is no blame, only such a very domineering sentence:
"What are you running blindly?" You're trying to make me unable to find you and let your dad drive me off, aren't you? ” "Yes and what?" "I tell you, your father opened me up, will he find you Teacher Zhang, Teacher Wang, Teacher Liu, do you repeat this trick?" Go home! ”
There is no bitterness, only gentleness and firmness, but the reason is still very convincing.
People get along with each other, and sincerity is the most touching. Simple, is to impress Mu Jia with the most sincere sincerity. When Mu Jia was most helpless, she appeared in front of her and said, "Don't be afraid, there is a teacher here", in the darkest night, she read to Mu Jia to accompany her to sleep...
When he simply encountered personal problems and wanted to give up tutoring, Mu Jia had already shown a good feeling. "Don't you hate me so much?" Mu Jia asked simply.
If a person cares about what the other person thinks of himself, then she must care about her. Yes, Mu Jia has begun to care about simplicity. Later, Mu Jia wanted to simply accompany herself abroad for rehabilitation training, and also asked a simple sentence: "Do you still hate me?" In the end, he also said that if she simply went with herself, she would go abroad to do rehabilitation training, otherwise she would not go.
In fact, between the lines of this simple word, Mu Jia has completely accepted the simplicity, and can also talk to her heart, saying that she cannot communicate with her father. It was clear that Mu Jia had been simply cured.
Although the above story is a plot, in real life, there are many examples like Mu Jia. Many rebellious children can actually be cured, but there may be a lack of mentors like Simple. The person who can become such a tutor can also be a parent, which is also his experience in studying psychology courses and taking psychology exams during this time.
In science, counseling attitudes include: respect, enthusiasm, sincerity, empathy, and positive attention. Although Simple is a teacher, he applies the skills of solving children's psychological problems very well. And this kind of skill, when we get along with children, we can also feel and perceive with our hearts.
When the child is crying, we can also crouch down and hug the child. You can also patiently ask your child what happened and how he feels in the moment.
It's cold now, and we don't want to get up in the morning. If I dragged her out of the bed, she would definitely get emotional, even cry. But I went and kissed her forehead and told her, "Mom knows you haven't woken up yet and don't want to get up." Mom doesn't want to get up either, but we're going to school, and we're going to be late," and then gently picked her up and sat up, and she would quietly get dressed and get up. This experience has been tried and tested.
Being understood, supported, and loved is everyone's need, and these are also the forces of love. In the process of getting along with children, we can try to respect children's ideas and suggestions, understand and tolerate children, so that the relationship with children will be more harmonious.
Do you have naughty, rebellious children in your family?
You may wish to learn the above practices, you will find a different version of yourself, a different child.
I am idan's mother frog, a post-80s mom, sharing and recording, parenting and learning stories together. Welcome to follow and comment, thank you!