Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book", "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University", "Chapter 6 I Hate My Indifference".
Text: Please sweep away the "garbage" buried in your heart (continued above)
Now, I understand it all.
Jiasha's excessive remorse for her roommate's death is actually continuing to mourn her cousin's death. Because the forms of the two deaths are similar, Jiasha is almost re-experiencing the psychological trauma left by her cousin's death. This is the root cause of Jiasha's repeated blame for failing to save her roommate from death in time. No wonder Kasha held herself back like this. In fact, she was also remorseful for not noticing her cousin's suicide in time.
Recognizing all this, I felt much more relaxed in my heart. Because before that, no amount of I could have inspired Kasha not to feel too guilty about her roommate's death, she wouldn't be able to change her mind. This time, Jiasha finally told the truth, which made me see the root of her problem, and no matter how much I helped her, I would have a direction
So I decided to talk about the deaths of the two of them together, so that Jiasha realized that her deep guilt about the death of her roommate was actually further venting her self-blame for her cousin's death.
I explained to Jiasha, "You are so sad about the death of your roommate now, in part, because you subconsciously believe that your cousin's death is related to your failure to detect and save in time, so you can never get rid of the problem of self-blame." Now, the suicide of your roommate has made you subconsciously relive the mental torture of your cousin's death, and thus fall into the abyss of self-blame and guilt again, unable to extricate yourself. This is all because your roommate's suicide process has many similarities with your cousin's suicide process, do you say this is the truth?"
Jiasha repeatedly nodded her head at my analysis and said yes, saying, "Oh, that's the way it is." I had never thought of it that way before. ”
Then, she confessed: "In fact, from the moment I found out that my roommate had committed suicide, I felt that I was re-experiencing the pain of my cousin's death. I've always wanted to tell you about it, but I'm afraid you'll laugh at me for not taking the lesson and repeating the same mistakes. So several times, the words came to the lips and swallowed back. Now that I'm saying all this, I feel a lot more at ease, because I don't have anything to hide from you anymore. ”
I nodded and said, "Yes, you have spoken about it all now, and you are much relieved." In fact, whether it is the death of your roommate or the death of your cousin, you are a wounded person. ”
"Why?" Jiasha asked me.
"Because before that, you had been holding back your remorse for the deaths of your cousin and roommate and hadn't spoken them outright. This places a huge psychological burden on you, making it impossible for you to be comfortable with your relationship with them and subconsciously think of yourself as the one who led them to the path of light life
unscramble:
Jiasha's encounter reminds me of the psychological confusion of many people, that is, when the relatives have been gone for a long time, the psychology always feels indebted to the departed relatives, thinking that they have not fully fulfilled their responsibilities, often self-blame, regret, I have a friend is this situation.
From a psychological point of view, many people will have an "unfinished complex", that is, the psychological term "Ceconni effect". The Western psychologist Chikoni has done many interesting experiments and found that the average person is extremely easy to forget the things that have been completed and have results, but always remembers the interrupted, unfinished, and unfulfilled things, which is called the "Chiconi effect". It can also be generalized to refer to the intention of always pursuing compensation consciously and unconsciously because one has not completed something. More importantly, the parties, because they have a sense of inseparability in this regard, are always seeking to double their satisfaction. In fact, everyone has their own "unfinished complex", which may be like a trap for us to fall into and extricate ourselves.
Jiasha's situation, I also feel more like a case of grief handling unfinished in psychological counseling, can also be called an unfinished event. That is, past situations that the client has not yet been satisfactorily resolved or completely bridged, especially traumatic or difficult situations. Because it has been unresolved, the client cannot understand, is incompetent, or cannot be supported, but the trauma has always demanded to be healed, and the demand for the bridge is sometimes denied, sometimes submerged, and some rationalized, but once some similarly fierce emergency incident is encountered again, it is often provoked and falls into self-blame. The client's distress comes from lingering similar situations, or their energy and attention cannot be fully relaxed into future and present affairs, often reliving old creations, and struggling with the inability to solve the initially overwhelming fear.
November 18, 2021 #Counselor says #