Friends are friendly, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor, and the name of the network is like dust.
Today we continue to read Dr. Yue Xiaodong's book", "The Feeling of Ascending to Heaven: I Did Psychological Counseling at Harvard University", "Chapter 6 I Hate My Indifference".
Text: Please sweep away the "garbage" buried in your heart (continued above)
Next, Jiasha told me about her special relationship with her cousin.
It turned out that when Jiasha was young, her parents stayed in the West while working abroad, and later went to the United States. This left Her long-term separation from her parents and she has been living with her cousin. Her cousin was fifteen years older than her, and treated her like both a sister and a mother, and the relationship between the two was extraordinary.
My cousin's father served as a senior official in nazi Germany's puppet government during World War II. After the liberation of Romania, he was executed by the Liberation Front. This made my cousin feel stimulated and discriminated against, and her mood has always been very depressed. So she dreamed of immigrating to the United States and starting a new life. Ten years ago, my cousin finally got her wish and immigrated to the United States with Jiasha. As a result, Jiasha quickly adapted to a new life, while her cousin was always unable to adapt to the new environment, and people began to change.
"How did it get?" I interjected and asked.
"Became grumpy. In the past, my cousin had always been very kind to me and very patient. When she was young, she was very beautiful and had fantasies of becoming a star, but because of her uncle, no one wanted to cultivate her. So my cousin put all her dreams on me, and the dream cultivated me to be a gymnastics star like Komanech. But I just don't like gymnastics, and my cousin can't do anything with me. Later, she wanted to train me to be a movie star, often taking me to watch various movies, telling me about the movies she had seen before, and commenting on where the actors played well and where they didn't act well. My cousin also often said that if she couldn't make a movie in Romania, she would go to the United States to shoot it. There are a lot of film studios there, and there are a lot of opportunities...."
As she spoke, Jiasha closed her eyes in pain, the corners of her mouth twitched, and two lines of hot tears rolled down.
After a moment of silence, I said, "You miss your cousin very deeply."
"Yeah, so it's impossible for my parents to make me forget about my cousin." They couldn't understand the deep feelings I had with my cousin. In the days before my cousin died, if I noticed her abnormal behavior and took the initiative to talk to her, my cousin might have survived. And how happy she would be to see that I can study at Harvard today!"
"Yes," I replied, "you miss your cousin so much, but you have never had the opportunity to tell you through this buried thought and regret, which is the fundamental reason why you have not been able to face this past peacefully over the years." ”
"Oh, what are you referring to?" Jiasha asked me.
"I mean, before your parents always told you not to think so much and to look forward. The implication is that you should forget this unpleasant past as soon as possible. But it's just a way of avoiding problems and essentially doesn't solve them. You see, it's like sweeping a pile of moldy food under a carpet, and on the surface, the pile of garbage is gone. But in fact, it does not disappear, but hides under the carpet and corrodes your carpet until one of its corners rots, causing you to suffer even greater losses. And now, you have spoken out all the mental pain that you had, as if you had swept the garbage out of the carpet, so that it would no longer disturb your emotions and torment your mind. ”
Jiasha nodded vigorously and said, "You're a really apt analogy." I think the reason why I reacted so strongly to the death of my roommate was because when my cousin died, I failed to express all the guilt and grievances in my heart and straighten out the relationship. Now that it's all said, I really feel so much more comfortable. ”
I nodded.
"Before, I always felt that there was something wrong with what my parents said, but I couldn't tell where the problem was. Today I understand that the problem is that they only know that they only want me to forget this painful experience as soon as possible, but they do not understand that if I do not talk about everything clearly, I will never be able to face this incident calmly. Jiasha said with wide eyes.
"Mm-hmm." I nodded.
"So, I can't get rid of the guilt of my cousin's death, which was also caused to some extent by my parents." Because they have been persuading me to forget my cousin, this is equivalent to obstructing me from normally venting the guilt of my cousin's death, and as a result, I can't forget this past, because I haven't yet achieved psychological balance, right?" Jiasha asked me.
"You really should study psychology." I joked.
"Sooner or later I will." Jiasha also replied with a smile. She let out a long sigh and said, "Well, if only everyone knew a little bit about psychology, there wouldn't be so much trouble."
"Your knot has finally been untied, and I'm so happy for you." Do you have anything else to say?" I asked.
Jiasha thought for a moment and said, "I still don't understand one thing, that is, why do I always think that I could have saved my cousin and roommate?"
Instead of answering her question directly, I asked her back, "Do you think you really have the ability to do that?"
"I'm not sure about that, but if I had observed their mood changes earlier, or if they had been more sensitive, I could have done something."
"Do something?"
"For example, I can take them out for a walk and have a break, and that will at least make them feel like someone cares about them."
"How much can that help them?"
"So what do you mean?"
"I mean, you always felt like you could have saved them, but you didn't expect that their problems would have been solved far beyond your reach. They need to receive help from a professional or even go to the doctor. So you're frustrated that you didn't save both of them in time, and it's largely unnecessary. What do you say?"
Jiasha sighed and said thoughtfully, "Well, it seems that I should really look at this matter, if I can save them, of course it is best, but I failed to save them, and I don't blame them in essence, right?" Because like you said, their problems really aren't something I can solve. But my roommate died and left me a note with a complaint about me. So I bear the condemnation of my conscience, which is also a matter of course, otherwise I would be even more sorry for the deceased. ”
"I see what you mean. The man is dead, what lesson do you think you have learned?"
"I think I must be more attentive and understanding. This kind of kung fu is indeed more important than the kung fu of learning. ”
"What else?"
"Also, if I encounter this kind of thing again in the future, I know what to do and how to regulate my mood." Well, I feel so much better. People really have to learn to look at things that don't go well from different angles, so that they can put their mood at peace, you say?"
Jiasha's eyes flashed a look I hadn't seen before, and she stared into my eyes with confidence.
I know that this time, Jiasha's mood is really calm. Watching her open her arms, I let out a long breath and my heart stretched out.
unscramble:
Please note the description of the conversation between the author and Jiasha in this section:
"Yeah, so it's impossible for my parents to make me forget about my cousin." They couldn't understand the deep feelings I had with my cousin. ”
"I mean, before your parents always told you not to think so much and to look forward. The implication is that you should forget this unpleasant past as soon as possible. But it's just a way of avoiding problems and essentially doesn't solve them. ”
"So, I can't get rid of the guilt of my cousin's death, which was also caused to some extent by my parents." Because they have been persuading me to forget my cousin, this is equivalent to obstructing me from normally venting the guilt of my cousin's death, and as a result, I can't forget this past, because I haven't yet achieved psychological balance, right?"
From this conversation, we can find that Jiasha's feelings and guilt for her cousin are deeply hidden in her subconscious (non-existent), why didn't she find out? This is the latent effect of Freud's psychoanalytic theory.
Through the analysis and treatment of neurotic patients, the study of mental activities in people's daily lives, and self-analysis, Freud found that the unconscious is not like a warehouse, but only passively stores withered memories. Mental activity in the unconscious is associated with some unpleasant experience and unethical ideas, desires, and motivations. These desires and motives are consciously unacceptable, Pi can tolerate, Pi can admit, and in general, cannot be aware of its existence. This is so because there is a force that excludes them from consciousness. This force Freud called the latent effect. The so-called submersible effect refers to the fact that people unconsciously suppress unacceptable thoughts, feelings, memories, or impulses into the subconscious. But thoughts, emotions, memories, and impulses that are repressed into the subconscious mind do not disappear, but still secretly influence our behavior and make us do things that we do not understand very well. "I think the reason why I reacted so strongly to the death of my roommate was because when my cousin died, I failed to express all the guilt and grievances in my heart and straighten out the relationship." Now that it's all said, I really feel so much more comfortable. This is through the author's step-by-step guidance, Jiasha broke through the subconscious impedance, lifted the knot, and thus restored normal consciousness and thinking.
I think that explaining it here with the idiom of "rekindling old feelings" that expresses the love relationship between men and women will enhance everyone's understanding of the role of submersible inhibition. "The rekindling of old feelings" refers to the final break of the feelings of the two people due to some reasons, after a little time or a few years, due to some reasons, the feelings of the two people are re-established, which is called the rekindling of old feelings. In connection with the content of this chapter, the first reason is the suicide of Jiasha's cousin, which makes Jiasha fall into deep nostalgia and self-blame; the second reason is that psychological counseling helped her untie her heart knot and rekindle her original enthusiasm for life.
For cousins and classmates who have a strong intention to commit suicide, Jiasha, who does not understand psychology, wants to persuade through chat comfort, which is actually equivalent to her parents' ineffective persuasion of her. Because for the treatment of individual patients, even the most intelligent doctors are sometimes powerless, let alone ordinary people?
We are also very happy that Jiasha has come out of the psychological predicament, and we can breathe a sigh of relief from the bottom of our hearts!
November 19, 2021 #Counselor said #