01
Knowing that there is a topic about cold violence above, there is a blogger who analyzes it very thoroughly and makes a lot of sense, he said:
"Cold violence is not about not loving, but rather as a means, deliberately, to gain the initiative in the relationship. Because the root cause of cold violence is often the power imbalance of the partnership relationship, as a party to the cold violence, it is often in a weak position. Speaking of cold violence, I believe that you have all kinds of ideas in your mind, the cold face of your partner when you are angry, no matter how you plead, the other party does not pay attention to the gesture. Therefore, it is not easy to break this relationship pattern. ”
In marriage, the most taboo is two people quarreling, no one bows their heads, the implementation of cold violence, if two people can quarrel, after venting their emotions to each other, two people are as good as ever, then even if it is a quarrel, it is also happy, quarrelIng the Cold War is more hurtful than the hot war.
In my opinion, feelings are vital, two people need to be seriously provided after marriage, even if the quarrel can not let the two people ignore each other's good, as lao Tian said in the "Strange Story": "Husband and wife quarrel is like a cold in life, it is difficult to avoid, but you occasionally catch a cold, you can also produce antibodies, which is conducive to good health." ”
This may be the highest state of quarrel, the more intimate two people quarrel, the marriage can last.
When it comes to the most effective relief after a quarrel, when you are angry, if you have a friend around you who can listen to your grievances, then you will be much more comfortable in your heart.
However, talking to pouring out, the most taboo thing about feelings is to say it to the outside, and it is to say to friends of the opposite sex that sharing emotional things between friends of the opposite sex is easy to cause great changes.
02
The chat records of Lin Xiang and male colleagues were seen by Fan Ming, and when Fan Ming proposed divorce to her, Lin Xiang regretted it a little, but in her heart, she also had unspeakable pain. Since marrying Fan Ming, every time the two people quarrel, Fan Ming uses a cold and violent way to deal with it, not to solve, Lin Xiang is angry and says that divorce, Fan Ming does not care.
However, Lin Xiang is in love with Fan Ming, she is not willing to have children and even more reluctant to divorce, this time is also the number of quarrels, the cold war has been a long time before others have done a loophole.
On weekdays, Lin Xiang and Fan Ming quarreled because of some small things in life, the Cold War was only half a day, and it was good to sleep at night, and the longest time was also three or five days of the Cold War, but now it is different. Since the mother-in-law came, the contradictions between Lin Xiang and Fan Ming have increased, the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law live under the same roof, it is inevitable that there will be contradictions in bumps and bumps, but every time Fan Ming indiscriminately let Lin Xiang follow the mother-in-law's meaning, once or twice, Lin Xiang can bear it, and after a long time, he can't stand it.
That day, the two people quarreled because of the child, since the child went to primary school, Lin Xiang arranged calligraphy classes and painting classes for the child on the weekend, which cost money, but the mother-in-law felt that it was useless to learn these, and has always questioned Lin Xiang's education methods. On weekends, it is generally the mother-in-law who sends the child to school, on that day, the child has a temper tantrum and does not want to go, the mother-in-law really does not let him go, and also takes him to the park to play for an afternoon.
The teacher called Lin Xiang, Lin Xiang could not contact her mother-in-law, when she came back, she could not help but be angry when she took the child out to play, looking at the child who had been wild outside for a day, she blamed the child for not being angry.
Originally, this matter was not a big problem, but the mother-in-law insisted on mixing in, still protecting the child, letting the child talk back to himself, crying and running away from home, as soon as he heard this, Lin Xiang knew that most of the mother-in-law taught him to say so, and sure enough, a careful question, the mother-in-law had already thought of a way out for him. Lin Xiang got angry and broke up with his mother-in-law, it was nothing more than that he was also good for his children, these courses cost money, but the mother-in-law did not listen. When Fan Ming returned home, he saw that Lin Xiang was blaming his mother, and he was not happy in an instant, and the mother-in-law also saw the grievances and staged a situation of "two strikes and one".
In this way, Lin Xiang was even more angry, took the clothes and went out, and then the child knew that he was wrong and called Lin Xiang, but Fan Ming was unwilling to pay attention to her, Fan Ming felt that this matter was Lin Xiang's loss, and asked her to apologize to her mother-in-law. Remembering the words that her mother-in-law taught her children, she could not swallow this breath and ignored her mother-in-law, so the two of them became cold.
This cold war is a week, two people have not spoken, in the past, two people cold war, Lin Xiang will take the initiative to apologize, because she feels that Fan Ming loves face, two people get married to live a life there is no need to fight for a right or wrong, however, this time Lin Xiang does not want to take the initiative to break the cold war situation, Fan Ming is also deadlocked, the more frozen the two people, the cold war lasted for half a month.
In the past half a month, Lin Xiang is gambling and slowly deviating from the route of marriage, because she met a very intimate male colleague, and even Fan Ming noticed the change in his wife.
Recently, Lin Xiang not only picked beautiful clothes to wear but also put on makeup, when Fan Ming talked about her, Lin Xiang also gave a shy back: "You don't look good, there are always people who look good." ”
Originally, I thought that Lin Xiang was just talking about playing, but Fan Ming didn't think that Lin Xiang was already confused with the male colleagues of the company.
It turned out that day, after Lin Xiang and Fan Ming quarreled, they went out and had nowhere to go, so they had to run back to the company, wanting to spend the night in the company, just met a male colleague who was working overtime at the time, the two people were not in a department, and they were not very familiar. However, the male colleague saw her face depressed, worried that she expressed her initiative to talk to her, and only then did he know that Lin Xiang had originally quarreled with her husband.
The male colleague who was going to go home did not leave, just quietly listened to Lin Xiang talking there, Lin Xiang was aggrieved, he told him about his own experience, and also told each other most of the things in the marriage, and the male colleagues were also particularly intimate and comforting, not only comforting her, but also personally sending her to the door of the community. If it weren't for the words of a male colleague, Lin Xiang wouldn't have gone home that day, and she would definitely have been deadlocked with Fan Ming.
After that, Fan Ming did not realize her mistake, compared to the considerateness of male colleagues, Lin Xiang was also more energetic, has been in the cold war with Fan Ming, and during the Cold War, she has always chatted with male colleagues, slowly, she liked this feeling of understanding after talking. Male colleagues are really good to her, not only listen to her, but when they are in the company, they always bring breakfast to her in the morning when they are too late to eat breakfast.
Because the two people were very close, one after another, Lin Xiang fell in love with this male colleague, and the relationship between the two people has always been ambiguous, and finally broke through the principle and bottom line, and when Fan Ming noticed the change in his wife, it was too late. Lin Xiang originally looked good, and his figure did not change after childbirth, but he was more feminine, and he who noticed the change in his wife secretly looked at Lin Xiang's mobile phone.
When he saw the chat records of his wife and the other party, Fan Ming was shocked and chilled, he immediately found Lin Xiang to confront, Lin Xiang was still ashamed in his heart, and admitted this matter. Unexpectedly, at this time, Fan Ming was quiet and did not speak, Lin Xiang knew that he was wrong, and asked him to look at the child's face and forgive her, but Fan Ming began to have a cold war again, and did not answer or forgive.
Lin Xiang couldn't stand it anymore and told the truth: "But as long as you stand up like a man, solve things in the family, and cover up the things we quarreled about, we will not come to this step, although I am wrong, are you not wrong at all?" ”
In the end, Fan Ming proposed a divorce, and at that time, Lin Xiang's heart was worried, she knew in her heart that she and her male colleagues were just dependent, and what really made her worry about this family was this family, however, Fan Ming's meaning was that she would not forgive her.
03
Lin Xiang's situation is the same as most people who have extramarital affairs, falling in love with others outside of marriage, all because people outside of marriage can just make up for the lack of marriage, is that their lovers are not considerate enough for themselves, and they can't feel his love.
Forget which emotion analyst, he said such a sentence: "Maintaining a balance between marriage and the opposite sex is the quality that married men and women should have, people are emotional animals, and the beginning of any relationship stems from the contact between the two sides." ”
The occurrence of extramarital affairs is caused by too much dependence on friends of the opposite sex, I know that most people are in a bad mood after the quarrel and want to talk, but they can find family members, find girlfriends of the same sex, and must not be friends of the opposite sex.
When it comes to emotional problems, don't easily confide in outsiders, because from your standpoint, the problems you say are too one-sided, and don't easily accept and listen to the opinions of outsiders, let outsiders influence their own ideas, have their own opinions, and try to solve problems with the parties as much as possible.
In the end, two people came to the step of divorce, the heart changed between husband and wife, it is not one person's fault, both people have unshirkable responsibilities, take Fan Ming, as far as I am concerned, I also hate cold violence.
Knowing that the statement of cold violence, there is such a high praise answer: "The essence of coaxing you is to cover up the problem, and when you are in love, you only rely on coaxing, only by dragging." You think the problem will be solved after marriage, that's just what you think. In fact, the relationship between the sexes is all landmines, and in the end it will definitely be divorced. ”
If two people have a contradiction, they cannot rely on coaxing or always dragging on, if two people can solve it, if they can't solve it, then find someone to negotiate from it, can't delay, and can't ignore it. And if the other party intends to give you a step down, you can't be too careful, otherwise such a day will definitely be a special suffering.
Today's topic: Will you tell your friends of the opposite sex about your marriage? Welcome to leave a message.
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★ Author: YIBAO; emotional original author, writing about the warm emotional affairs of this world.