Ang Lee: I never wanted a child to be filial, but only taught him how to love

There is a discussion on the Internet that was once particularly popular:

Your parents can "reason" with you when they talk about you, but they can't talk about you when they talk about you.

Many netizens expressed the same feeling about this, in the face of the strength of their parents, we can not refute, once refuted will be scolded "filial piety". But without refutation, the sadness that is suppressed in the heart is real.

This multiple choice question about family affection, it seems that how to choose will not be right, it is really contradictory.

So how should we face and solve it? Director Ang Lee's approach may let you find the answer.

Ang Lee: I never wanted a child to be filial, but only taught him how to love.

01.

"Filial piety is an outdated idea?"

Ang Lee said a passage after filming "The Wedding Feast" in his father's trilogy many years ago:

The relationship with parents is enough to be able to love each other, and there is no need to create a class concept. You have to obey the big, but everyone is an individual, you have to respect him, his sexual orientation, his hobbies, his everything you have to respect him, accept him, this is a benchmark for peaceful coexistence.

……

I think "filial piety" is an outdated concept. Of course, with Chinese, it cannot be said for hundreds of years, which is a deep-rooted existence. But in my mind, I have not taught the child the thing of "filial piety", as long as he feels my love and loves me at the same time.

Ang Lee mentioned that the so-called "filial piety" in China since ancient times actually has an unequal class concept in it.

The belief that children must obey their parents and be "obedient" is an outdated concept that conflicts with the current universal values of "equality".

"The relationship between parents and children is, in the final analysis, also the relationship between people and people. Parent-child relations should also be equal and free, and there should be no distinction between high and low classes. ”

When they saw this concept, many people suddenly opened up and were relieved. Over the years, the guilt that arose from "going against" the wishes of the parents finally began to dissipate.

Adults always plan your life trajectory according to their own life experience, and once the child makes another choice, the hat of "not understanding things" is buttoned on the head. Some parents will even take the hard work of raising their children as a killer skill, and every time they can't talk about it, they will amplify the tricks.

Parents and children are equal and independent people, the child's ideas should also be respected, not to listen to the parents is not filial piety, not disobedience, it is just the free choice of the individual.

We must understand that children are really not appendages of their parents.

02.

"Parenting comes first"

It is said that parenting first raises themselves, and parents first need to turn the focus of parenting from their children to themselves. Only by changing yourself, enriching yourself, and improving yourself, with a positive state of love, value, respect for interpersonal boundaries, and embracing change, can we help children grow up healthily.

That is to say, in a good parent-child relationship, parents should be more concerned about their posture in front of their children, and should strive to become a person full of love and responsibility, independent and self-worth, and become a role model for children to imitate. Instead of blindly pointing fingers at the child, asking the child with something that he can't do.

It's important to be a happy, enlightened parent.

The importance of the family of origin has been well discussed in the last two years.

Many parents like to put "I have been for you all my life" and the like on their mouths, and put the weight of their lives on their children, such love, too heavy, people breathless.

Children under the burden of this kind of thinking are easily afraid to express their true inner needs, cannot find the joy of life, and become depressed and introverted.

The family environment should be relaxed, happy, without baggage, and excessive stress is not good for any growing child.

What parents bring to their children should be more of a pleasant environment for growing up.

03.

"Parental giving is not taken for granted"

Of course, if we expect our parents to treat us equally, then we must also learn to treat our parents correctly. Independent and autonomous, when you grow up, you no longer ask for it from your parents, you don't think that your parents' giving is a matter of course, and you should be grateful for the grace of parenting.

Traditional culture promotes the dignity and inferiority of the elderly and the young, and most parents appear to be very strong, and their strength needs to be tolerant, rather than accusing and complaining.

Seeing a lot of remarks about "my mother destroying the family strongly", I would like to say a few words for my strong mother:

I admit that it's hard to have a strong mother, but if you explain her strength with love, it will make each other feel better.

I once forwarded an article about "Strong Mother Destroying the Family" to my mother, she did not reply to me, only to call me two days later, only to learn later that she cried after reading this article, sad for two days did not know what to say to me...

It was cruel that I chose to take the opposite side and use an article to blame her for her behavior instead of her understanding her from the perspective of my daughter.

Therefore, no matter how strong your mother is, please love her a little more.

Parents who understand their children's way of seeing the world and realize that their behavior at different ages is justified will be more tolerant of their behavior.

Conversely, shouldn't we also tolerate them in this way?

When there is a conflict with your parents, you may wish to try to break away from the shackles of "filial piety" in traditional Chinese values, let love rather than blood become the bond of this relationship, treat parents as friends, use communication instead of accusations, and strive to minimize the harm to each other.

Love and understanding, respect and communication apply in any relationship.

Let the child feel the love, more important than the love of the child. The true basis of love is respect, every life deserves to be respected, and when life is respected, it will be more free and blooming.

Article source: Parents of the world

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