Eliminate the little rebellion in the child's heart

  Q: I don't know what's going on, but my child has recently become very disobedient. Often you let him do a thing, he will either procrastinate, or he will not be yin and yang, and sometimes he will blow his beard and stare at you. Friends remind me that children are entering puberty. I would like to ask what should be paid attention to in the education of children in the rebellious period?

  A: If you want to find a reasonable way of education, you must first find out the causes of psychological rebellion. And children's rebellion is mostly caused by the improper education of their parents.

  "Father for son" is the moral relationship followed by feudal society, and this moral relationship still profoundly affects our parent-child relationship to this day. Traditional parents are deeply affected by this toxic dogma, and in the family, the parents are autocratic, and the child can only be in a subordinate position. Adolescent children, their own sense of independence is enhanced, it is precisely to show themselves, authoritarian parents are easy to trigger the child's inner desire to resist. If you want your child to think of yourself as an object to talk to, you need parents to put down the shelf, sincerely communicate with their children, make friends with their children, analyze problems with their children, and discuss solutions.

  And some parents, out of doting protectionism, do everything for their children. In doing so, parents are undoubtedly sending a derogatory hint to their children: You can't do it yourself, you have to rely on me. In this way, the idea of children's desire for independence is diametrically opposed to the practices of parents, and conflicts are inevitable.

  There is also a way to spoil the child is too laissez-faire, listen to the child, the child has no boundaries, no restrictions, how to do, parents sometimes out of the psychology of protecting the child to interfere with the child's behavior, will be considered by the child to hinder their own "freedom", the formation of conflict.

  Due to cognitive bias, children may have a sense of distrust in society and others because of something, resulting in autism, depression and other emotions, if this emotion is not reasonably regulated, it will inevitably lead to more serious rebellious psychology in children. Therefore, after the child makes a mistake, as a parent, do not blame, but be patient to understand the reason for the child to do so, so that he feels that the parents are always accepting of them and willing to understand them, and the child will give up the idea of confrontation with you.

  Q: Knowing that children have entered rebellious adolescence, how should parents reasonably guide them at this time?

  A: First of all, it is normal to have a rebellious mentality in adolescence, and there is no need to worry too much. However, at the instigation of rebellious psychology, children often have resistance to parents, so the first problem to be solved is the way of communication. Teenagers have their own values, parents should understand that no kind of value is absolutely correct, so do not completely apply their own values to the child, otherwise it can only cause the child's psychological disgust. You just have to tell them what kind of values the people will have for what kind of future, and then leave the choice to the child himself, fully respecting their freedom and choice.

  When facing children, parents themselves should also show diversified thinking and not walk into their own dead ends. There is no unique answer in the world, and parents have no right to force their children to make a choice.

  Many times, parents must look beyond their own roles and look at each other's relationships and communication styles from the perspective of a third party, so that they can find that maybe the problem is not necessarily in the child. Children's disobedience is often seen by parents as rebellion. Therefore, parents should learn to be humble, treat their children from different angles, remain calm, control their emotions, and try to seek relevant opinions from their children.

  When parents are undecided, they may wish to start from the child's point of view, take the things that children like to see such as video games as the cutting point, and enter the child's heart to understand their true thoughts. When the child is respected enough and can get along with his parents, of course, there is no need to rebel