After children enter junior high school, they begin to think that they are no longer children, and their sense of independence is getting stronger and stronger, and the reality is that on the one hand, they want to get rid of their parents and make up their own minds; on the other hand, they must rely on the family, so they gradually enter a period of rebellion. If at this time, the parents still treat them as children and do not tire of dinging, he will be bored, thus generating a rebellious psychology and germinating opposing emotions. If parents discipline them in front of their peers and the opposite sex, their "rebellious psychology" will be stronger.
Children in the rebellious period, although self-awareness has developed, but their self-control ability is still poor, often unconsciously violate discipline. They like to argue with people, but often lack arguments; like to be skeptical but lack scientific basis; like to discover insights but are not accurate; like to criticize others, but they are easy to be one-sided.
Parents know these characteristics of children during the "psychological weaning" period, and they should avoid simple and rude treatment, and they cannot be treated with "coaxing" methods.
Parents often discipline their children in two states of mind: one is to regard their children as private property and have absolute authority over them; the other is that parents regard their children as the reproduction of their own ideals. Therefore, parents often instill their own life experience into their children, trying to let their children live according to their parents' ideas, resulting in children's antagonistic emotions.
Experts suggest that for the negative side of children's rebellious psychology, parents should follow the child's psychological characteristics and carry out education. Parents should see the positive side of reverse psychology, such as curiosity due to reverse psychology, which is a desire to recognize things and a driving force for knowledge. Reverse psychology often has the characteristics of seeking differences and speculation, is the spark of children's wisdom, the source of creation, parents should pay attention to it, take advantage of the situation, and promote its success.
Psychological weaning is a transition period for children from naivety to maturity. On the whole, the various psychological phenomena during psychological weaning reflect the psychological progress of children and adolescents. From psychological attachment to parents to the emergence of independent intentions, this is a major change. Parents should cherish this period of their children, adopt a welcoming attitude, and for the negative side of the child's rebellious psychology, parents should follow the child's psychological characteristics and follow the good inducements to carry out education.
Parents should see their children grow, respect their children's self-esteem, establish a close and equal friendship relationship with them, and allow their children to participate in the management of the family. Believe that children have the ability to handle things independently, support them as much as possible, encourage comfort when they encounter difficulties and failures, and praise them immediately when they succeed. Parents should also have the courage to ask their children for advice and have the courage to admit their mistakes.
As the saying goes, "Half a child, angry old man." That's true. Children who have gone to junior high school are characterized by changes: physiologically they are changing, and their children are beginning to develop; psychologically they are also changing, and parents will find that they do not know when the child is disobedient, and may even work against the parents. You want east, he is facing west, you want west, he is facing east, this phenomenon is called "reverse psychology" in psychology.
Rebellion is determined by the growth law of adolescent children, is a normal manifestation of puberty, not rebellious but abnormal.
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From the perspective of the child's development
Rebellion is actually a good start
Rebellion is a manifestation of physiological maturity and improved thinking ability
An important feature of puberty is physiological maturity, cognitive improvement, and the emergence of rebellion needs to be based on both. Rebellion shows that the child is physiologically mature, becomes smarter, and has the capital to rebel with the parents. Rebellion is the result of the child's physiological maturity and improved thinking level, and is the performance of the child's growth. Therefore, rebellion is not a bad thing, but a kind of growth and progress.
Rebellion is the need for the development of self-identity
The establishment of self-identity is the most important development task in adolescence, and the establishment of identity is very important for the development of a person's life. Rebellion is the need for children's self-identity development, and it is a way for them to explore themselves and establish self-identity. If the child has always been very well-behaved, not rebellious, and not troublesome, this phenomenon is called "early closure of the same sex" in psychology. Such children often lack self-determination in the future, are easy to blindly follow, do not like change, and cannot cope with challenges. They avoid change and stress to gain a sense of security, and when they encounter setbacks, they easily lose their purpose and confidence.
Rebellion is a way to vent bad emotions
The imbalance in brain development makes adolescent children prone to emotional problems. In addition, adolescent children face greater growth pressure, they will experience self-doubt, confusion, contradiction and conflict in the process of exploring self-identity, and feel confused and doubtful about their role in life, which exacerbates the emotional problems of adolescence.
Rebellion becomes a way for adolescent children to vent their bad emotions. Adolescent children are so sensitive and emotionally changeable, if they cover up all these bad emotions, do not rebel, do not vent, do not reveal, then the child's heart will inevitably accumulate a lot of negative energy. Therefore, rebellion is an important way for children to channel bad emotions and maintain mental health.
Rebellion is an adaptation to the adjustment of relationships
Rebellion is actually a way for children to adapt to interpersonal adjustments and grow into independent individuals. Entering puberty, children begin to alienate their parents and spend more time with their peers. This adjustment of interpersonal relationships is very important for the future development of the child.
Attachment is an important feature of parent-child relationships before puberty. After entering puberty, the parent-child relationship changes, and autonomy replaces attachment as a prominent feature of the parent-child relationship. Successfully completing the transition from attachment to autonomy during adolescence is important for a child's future social adaptability, and rebellion plays a key role in it.
Psychological studies have shown that peer interaction has an important impact on a child's social development. In getting along with peers, children learn to think from the perspective of others and learn how to understand others, which is a very important quality in the process of social development. Psychological research has also found that peer relationships have a significant predictive effect on children's interpersonal skills and mental health levels in adulthood.
Children who have plenty of friends in secondary school and maintain stable and close friendships with friends tend to have smooth interpersonal interactions and higher levels of mental health in adulthood. Developing all aspects of your abilities in the process of interacting with your peers is important for your child's future development.
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Three keys to a successful period of rebellion
Rebellion is a good start, but a good start doesn't mean a good end. Rebellion is good for the child's development, and does not mean that parents can let their child's rebellion go unchecked. Only when parents handle it properly can children successfully pass through the rebellious period of adolescence and grow up in rebellion. In the face of adolescent rebellious children, parents should learn some ways to cope, grasp the three keywords of affirmation, adjustment and right medicine.
Affirm that rebellion is a sign of a child's growth
When parents encounter children rebellious, disobedient, uncooperative, and uncommunicated, they must not think that their children's rebellion is a challenge to their own majesty, but to admit that rebellion is the result of children's physical maturity, cognitive ability improvement, and self-identity development, which is the performance of their growth, a good thing, or at least a good start.
Parents should not blindly deny their children's unruly behavior, and affirm their children's courage to explore themselves. With the approval of the parents, the child may not be so rebellious, at least not deeper.
It is necessary to take the opportunity of rebellion to adjust the role and method of parenting in a timely manner
Rebellion means that children grow up, parents need to adjust their parenting roles in time, and should change from a leading educator to a companion who accompanies their children's growth. Companionship means that the child is the mainstay and the parents are non-dominant; it means a kind of wordless support and recognition, which means an equal friendship relationship.
The problem of rebellion in adolescent children not only reminds parents to change their parenting roles in time, but also reminds parents of the mistakes in early family education, which is an important opportunity for parents to change their parenting methods. Psychological research has shown that authoritative parenting is most conducive to the solution of adolescent problems and the shaping of children's personality.
Authoritative parenting methods are characterized by clear rules and requirements for children's behavior, but when formulating rules and making decisions, they will consider the child's needs and ideas, listen to and accept the child's opinions, and will explain the requirements formulated and explain the reasons for the child's obedience.
To understand the type of rebellion in your child, prescribe the right medicine
There are three main types of rebellious behavior in adolescent children:
Grumpy type - fierce resistance to the demands of parents and teachers, often quarreling or losing temper with parents, and sometimes cold war with parents;
Silent type - unwilling to communicate with adults, indifferent to things, unresponsive to the words of parents, do not like to contact with teachers;
Yang feng yin violation type - in front of the adult's face to agree with the adult's request, but their own behavior is the opposite, the parents say everything superficially agreed, but still go their own way.
Parents can respond differently to different types of rebellious behavior.
For children who are irritable and rebellious, do not be tough; for children who are silent rebels, patiently wait for slow communication; for children who are rebellious in the yang and yin, let children feel sincere.
Behind the rebellion is the development characteristics of the child at a specific stage and the different inner needs of individuals, and I hope that the parents of adolescent children will be a parent with a heart, observe the characteristics of the child, and understand the needs of the child.
As long as you strive to be a parent with a heart, have a good idea of the child's rebellious behavior, do not push your child outward, accept the child, and believe that the child's rebellious problem is only a matter of the growth process. However, if parents do not adjust their parenting methods in time and do not provide help for their children's growth, children may also go farther and farther on the road of rebellion.
【Source: Lanxi Education】
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