01
In recent days, Lin Ruiyang's ex-wife Zeng Zhezhen has been angrily reprimanded on Weibo because she cannot withstand the insults of netizens.
At the same time, Zeng Zhezhen also said that he did not attack Lin Ruiyang and Zhang Ting.
However, the next day, Zeng Zhezhen posted on Weibo again, pointing out that Zhang Ting was Xiaosan and released a message: "Welcome Mr. Lin and Miss Zhang to sue me." ”
Zeng Zhezhen was once the heroine of Qiong Yao drama, and was only 20 years old when she married Lin Ruiyang.
Later, Zeng Zhezhen gave birth to a son and a daughter.
For the sake of her family, she gave up her job and focused her life on the matter of her husband and godson.
But on the contrary, at that time, Lin Ruiyang's career was in full swing.
Because he wants to shoot a scene, Lin Ruiyang is often not at home, and Zeng Zhezhen often complains about this, hoping that her husband can spend more time with his family.
The contradiction between the two people has become more and more serious since then.
During that time, the media frequently exposed Lin Ruiyang's scandals with other actresses, which made Zeng Zhezhen very insecure.
In order to maintain this marriage, Zeng Zhezhen frantically maintained herself, and even sent to the hospital for emergency treatment because of eating diet pills indiscriminately.
However, her efforts did not make the relationship between the two change well, and they began to quarrel frequently, arguing with the Civil Affairs Bureau.
In the end, they divorced.
Although the two later chose to remarry for the sake of their children, after spending some time together, Lin Ruiyang and Zeng Zhezhen completely broke up.
For more than 20 years from the divorce to the present, Zeng Zhezhen has been taking care of a son and a daughter alone and has never remarried.
However, Lin Ruiyang fought with the popular actress Zhang Ting in a very short period of time and launched a fierce pursuit of her.
In the end, Zhang Ting married Lin Ruiyang under the pressure of a third party.
After marriage, Lin Ruiyang spoiled Zhang Ting as a princess.
In fact, this is not a hurt for Zeng Zhezhen, a feeling that makes him miserable, letting go can also be regarded as fulfilling himself.
But in the past 20 years, what makes her most angry is that people remember her as "Lin Ruiyang's ex-wife".
As Zeng Zhezhen said on Weibo: "I just want to live a quiet life, but I can never get rid of someone's ex-wife." ”
In fact, not only Zeng Zhezhen, but also for most women.
When people talk about a woman, it seems that they are more likely to call it "so-and-so's wife" and "so-and-so's mother", as if there are only two kinds of women's identities.
Therefore, in the cognition of many people, women are a good wife and mother is a great cause.
02
In a popular Korean TV series "Please Answer 1988", there was a humble role, but it made me very unforgettable.
She is the mother of Donglong in the play.
At that time, women were proud of their husbands and godsons, so Donglong's mother's neighbors and sisters did not have jobs and concentrated on taking care of their husbands and children at home.
But Donglong's mother is different, she has her own career and earns a lot.
Even so, she was not praised by the people around her, and was even discussed.
When watching this drama, I didn't know what Donglong's mother's name was, until the end I didn't know that her name was Zhao Xiuxiang.
Zhao Xiuxiang in the play has been taking care of her grandson at home since she retired, and she feels that life is becoming more and more boring, so she "runs away from home".
After she returned, she talked to the neighbor's big sister about this matter, and she said that over the years, others mentioned that she was "Donglong Mother", and she had never been herself.
So this time she ran away from home just to find herself.
I think the most unfair thing for a woman is to make her lose her identity.
In this era, there will still be many men who think that women should be a qualified wife and a qualified mother.
But no one has ever encouraged a woman to be a good self, as if a woman had been born with all kinds of missions.
Today, this perception is so ingrained that even many women themselves often think:
"I'm going to learn how to be a good wife and mom."
So in the balance between work and family, they decisively gave up their work and devoted themselves to the family.
In fact, this is not necessarily a woman's "job", I believe that even men can do it well.
But the problem is that the renewal of society has not replaced this inherent cognition.
The first perception is that men earn money to support their families, and women marry and teach their children.
In the past era, the work of earning money to support the family has always been the responsibility of men.
So women were taught by their parents from an early age: "We must find a good family to marry." ”
Since men are responsible for raising a family, women naturally have to teach their husbands and children at home.
The second perception is that having children is a female instinct.
In the eyes of many people, having children is a woman's instinct, so raising children is also a woman's job.
Some would even argue that men only need to take home the money they earn, even if they are responsible for the family, and women have to pull the children.
Under these two cognitions, the world is full of malice towards women, and women simply cannot be themselves and choose their own life trajectory.
Even many times, women themselves will be imprisoned by the two identities of wife and mother, so that they dare not do what they want to do.
But what I want to say is that, like Lin Ruiyang's ex-wife, a woman's life is not only about marriage and family, but more about herself.
Because women and men have always been equal, but women have one more mission than men.
03
In fact, for women, it is not that they do not desire to be themselves, but they dare not be themselves.
Because in the eyes of many women themselves, doing this thing is in conflict with being a wife and a mother.
If you want to live your life, it means that you must owe something to your family and your children.
However, in my opinion, women can only do other roles well if they are good at themselves.
My mother was a very good wife and mom, and since she got married, she quit her job to work as a housewife at home.
But later, she found that being a wife and mother was even harder than doing a job, so she proposed to her father to find a new job.
Because her mother could only work the night shift at that time, her idea was quickly opposed by the whole family.
They once said to my mother, "If you don't take care of your child, you don't deserve to be a mother." ”
Hearing this, she compromised.
She said that from childhood to adulthood, the most she heard was to learn to wash and cook, and to marry in the future so that she would not be talked about.
Later, she gave up more and more things for the sake of the family, and with it, my mother complained endlessly.
She used to complain to me and my father, sometimes that life was boring, sometimes that she was too tired to do housework.
Only I can understand how much bitterness is hidden in it.
A woman can't live according to her own wishes, so what else can her attitude toward life have besides complaining?
The long-term complaint made my father very disgusted with her, and he always thought that what my mother complained about was her father's incompetence.
But in fact, what my mother complained about was that we deprived her of her right to be herself.
Later, I slowly realized that no matter what kinds of roles women have, the first thing we have to do well is ourselves.
Because only by understanding your own heart and understanding your own needs do you know how to live your life.
Even if you still want to be a good wife and a good mother, you won't complain about life because of it.
There is no need to sacrifice oneself and fulfill others.
Women who break through in the workplace may not be able to cook fragrant meals, nor may they take good care of their husbands and children.
In fact, women only need to balance the relationship between each role to be able to cope with it freely.
First, no matter how much you have to do each day, set aside some time for yourself.
Maybe you have to be busy with work every day, take care of the children after work, and even wash the rice bowl that your husband threw in the kitchen.
These things can take up a lot of your time and even give you a chance to catch your breath.
So from now on, no matter how busy you are, please give up one of these things and leave your time to yourself.
During this time, you can do whatever you want, even if it's only 1 hour, even if it's only 30 minutes.
Slowly, you will find that life is actually very good.
Second, learn to reduce the burden on yourself, and don't take the responsibility into yourself.
You have to remember that the family is not yours alone, and the children are not.
So don't think that doing a good job of family chores and taking care of each family member is your responsibility.
You need to share the responsibility of caring for the family with each family member.
In fact, many times, it is not necessary for you to sacrifice everything for the family, in turn, the family will sacrifice for you.
Even if you put your work or ideals on hold for the time being, then don't let go of your determination to chase it.
There is only one time in life, and women deserve to be wonderful.
Well, that's it for today's sharing.
If you are also experiencing emotional confusion, pay attention to me, send me a private message, conduct a free consultation, help you solve the problem hand in hand, and understand marriage better.