Source | Read at ten o'clock
ID | duhaoshu
Zhang Chao, a Qing Dynasty literary scholar, once said in "Shadow of Dreams": "There is a person in the world who knows himself and can not hate." ”
Confidants are rare, and people grow to hate water and east.
Zhang Ailing, a young woman, believes that there are three major hatreds in life: anchovies with thorns, begonias without fragrance, and "Dream of the Red Chamber" that have not been completed.
In her life, her family was estranged, and her love was eventually disillusioned, but she met a confidant who knew and cherished each other and supported each other.
In her life full of rumors and legends, love to love, hate to hate, this fate that can not be sought, should be the greatest comfort in this life.
Zhang Ailing's childhood is full of wandering and parting colors.
Born in Shanghai, he moved to Tianjin at the age of 2 and returned to Shanghai at the age of 8. She later said: "People in a troubled world have to get by and live without a real home." ”
The mother is missing from Zhang Ailing's original memory. For the sake of ideals and freedom, Huang Yifan, a new woman, left a pair of children and left home with her sister-in-law to go abroad to stay abroad.
Huang Yifan
A few years later, her mother returned, bringing back poems and distant places to the young Zhang Ailing. The mother soon divorced her father and went abroad again. Zhang Ailing also left home and began to live in the school.
Such a childhood is inevitably lonely, and when lonely, people always want to find a friend.
When I was 12 years old, one night, Zhang Ailing and a classmate walked in the corridor of the dormitory. The moonlight was bright, the atmosphere was suitable for lyricism, and the classmate said, "I am very good with you, but I don't know how you are." ”
Zhang Ailing responded solemnly: "I am the only one except my mother, you." ”
Many years later, Zhang Ailing became a dark horse killed by the Shanghai literary circle, drawing her heart with a pen and cooking characters to cure hunger.
There are also moonlit nights, borrowing a pen to reminisce about childhood, the phrase "only you", she laughed at herself because of the moonlight of that year, and her innate heart to write novels.
Time is long, the whispers that were once whispered have long been scattered, and the people who exchanged whispers have forgotten each other, remembering that night, only the heart of Wan'er.
Childhood Zhang Ailing
Zhang Fan should know that she has a girlfriend named Yan Ying.
At the age of 18, Zhang Ailing was admitted to the University of London with the first place in the Far East, and later transferred to the University of Hong Kong because of World War II. Yan Sakura is her college classmate.
This is a rich woman, lively and enthusiastic, with a big grin and hopeless optimism. The bomb fell, and everyone was too late to escape, so she stayed alone in the school dormitory, singing while taking a bath.
Perhaps, the overflowing happiness can fill the lonely emptiness, so the two come together.
Together, they traveled through fallen Hong Kong in search of their favorite lipstick, and stood together in front of a roadside stall to eat fried radish cakes. Zhang Ailing painted, yan cherry coloring, blue tone deep to her heart.
Zhang Ailing and Yan Ying
After graduation, the two returned to Shanghai from Hong Kong together. As before, shopping, watching movies, eating cake, the fee AA system.
Yan Ying and her sister opened a fashion store, and Zhang Ailing also became a partner, and the three of them performed their duties.
Zhang Ailing published a collection of novels "Legend", and the cover of Yan Ying's painting made her very moved. Yan Ying spoke interestingly, Zhang Ailing carefully recorded it, edited it into "Yan Ying Quotes", and included it in her own book.
In the isolated island of the chaotic world, they became good friends because of their complementary temperaments and similar interests. Separated by the river of years, standing on the other side and looking back at this friendship, the two people are not all the way.
A lover of food, dating, gossip and love, always likes "me, me, me"; one wants to find "a little red with a red top, or a little black with a black top, as her refuge" in the spiritual field.
Different levels, different pursuits, and dilution of feelings is sooner or later.
Later, the two went to New York. Man has become a man who has crossed the ocean; love has also become the love of time.
Yan Ying said in the letter that she did not know what she had done wrong, which made Zhang Ailing no longer pay attention to her.
They counted the tribulations and shared life and death, but in the end they gradually drifted apart and became silent.
"Friends who really know each other are like a mirror that reflects the most beautiful parts of each other's nature."
This is the concept of friendship that Zhang Ailing established in the process of growing up.
Years later, Zhang Ailing mentioned her attitude towards friendship in a letter to Kwong Wenmei - she never had much expectation of her friends, and she had no illusions about Yan Ying before, but now she still has a basic understanding, "Friends like her have finally come to an end."
"Every time we think about being in the middle of a sea of people, we're likely to miss the chance to get to know — it's too dangerous. How well arranged was the fate. ”
In the letter, Zhang Ailing expressed her feelings to Kwong Wenmei.
Zhang Ailing went to Hong Kong when she was 32 years old. At that time, the US Information Administration obtained the copyright of the Chinese "The Old Man and the Sea", and the person in charge Song Qi published the newspaper to solicit a candidate for translation, and Zhang Ailing signed up for the application.
Zhang Ailing's pronunciation and decent and slow tone of voice made Song Qi deeply impressed. With this karma, Zhang Ailing, Song Qi, Kwong Wenmei and his wife saw each other as they were.
Song Qi and Kwong Wenmei
In order to avoid outside disturbances, Zhang Ailing rented a cottage near the Song family and wrote behind closed doors. In order to dispel the loneliness of Zhang Ailing's writing, they often took time to visit her and chat in the north and south.
Sometimes Kwong Wenmei went alone, no matter how much they talked, every 7 o'clock, Zhang Ailing began to urge her to go home and enjoy the joy of heaven. To this end, Zhang Ailing gave the other party a nickname: My 8 o'clock Cinderella.
Kwong Wenmei takes a long bus to work, and Zhang Ailing is very willing to accompany her to take the bus, talk, and spend boring time on the road.
In 1955, Zhang Ailing left Hong Kong for the United States. The moment she left the dock and turned around, she felt the heavens and the earth collapse and the tears flowed non-stop.
In a foreign land, the first letter was written to Kwong Wenmei:
Your friendship is at the heart of my life. I definitely don't have that delusion, thinking that I will make friends like you, no matter where I go to the end of the world, there will be no such person.
Although Song Qi and Kwong Wenmei are not as famous as Zhang Ailing, they also have charm and talent.
Song Qi is a translator and literary critic who has a lot of experience in the study of "Dream of the Red Chamber". Kwong can both create and translate, and Song Meiling once invited her to be her personal secretary.
In Zhang Ailing's eyes, Kwong Wenmei is meticulous and strong, with the characteristics of Bao Chao Daiyu, and like Gu Manzhen in "Half Life", qingli is as beautiful as water. She wrote in a letter to Kwong Wenmei: "Sometimes to you, it is almost like a burst of fragrance, intoxicating. ”
After parting, Zhang Ailing likes to talk to Kwong Wenmei in her head, whether it is writing, health, human feelings, or clothes, beauty, dreams, and nagging. This habit remains until the end of life.
Kwong Man Mei
In her letter, she said, "I'm so happy to have you, otherwise who would I tell?" ”
In addition to the opening of the school, Kwong Wenmei is extremely nurturing and has a great influence on Zhang Ailing. For example, after opening the box to find something and forgetting to put the blanket in, she had to reopen the box, originally she was going to be upset, thinking about what would happen to Wenmei when she encountered this situation, she would not be angry.
For another example, building a road outside the house, the noise disturbs the mood, thinking that Wenmei will not be like this, she will also have a peaceful mind.
This is Zhang Ailing's interaction with Kwong Wenmei, and it is also the friendship that the world yearns for.
In this world, it is not difficult to meet love, but it is difficult to meet and understand.
For Zhang Ailing, although Hu Lancheng can read herself, she is unwilling to protect her. Although Yan Sakura and Sang Arc knew her, they only knew part of it. Since meeting Kwong Wenmei, I know that there are still people in the world who understand every aspect of her.
Kwong Wenmei knows that in addition to being tall and cool, she is also funny and cute, and she can also see her innocence and simplicity from a small place.
Because of this pain and happiness of knowing and having a sharp heart, Zhang Ailing told her "Cinderella at 8 o'clock":
I hope you have time to write a letter, if you do not write for a year and a half I will not be uneasy, anyway, I will always remember.
Kwong Wenmei wrote an article about Zhang Ailing in order to promote Zhang Ailing's play, and Zhang Ailing was very satisfied, and felt "all-over Shutai" after watching it.
Tuo Kwong Wenmei bought clothes in Hong Kong to find tailors to make clothes, after she received it, she replied to the letter expressing satisfaction to the extreme, and hoped that Wenmei did not bother too much, otherwise it was not too careless.
Zhang Ailing later married Lai Ya, and she only wanted Kwong Wenmei and Song Qi to meet him.
Zhang Ailing and Lai Ya
When she met Kwong Wenmei, Zhang Ailing gained a life confidant and also understood a positive and warm concept of friendship: "Good friends can be said to be spiritual brothers and sisters. ”
Because in Zhang Ailing's heart, Kwong Wenmei is not only like herself, but simply a part of herself.
After more than 40 years of interaction, Zhang Ailing has corresponded with Kwong Wenmei and Song Qi in a total of 600 letters and more than 400,000 words.
In her twilight years, Zhang Ailing was tormented by various illnesses, and the mysterious fleas often bit the gorgeous robe of life.
She was worried that she had a heart attack and collapsed, so she arranged the deposit slip as soon as possible, and Kwong Wenmei and Song Qi were the beneficiaries. When they arrived, they handed over the inheritance to Kwong Wenmei and Song Qi.
With each other's profound understanding, unreserved trust, and endless thoughts, Zhang Ailing and Kwong Wenmei's spiritual connection is to death.
Such a sentiment happens to be a perfect interpretation of two ancient poems, and it is also a self-metaphor for the two of them in the letter:
"Confidant in the sea, the end of the world is like a neighbor."
Source: Ten o'clock reading, the back garden of 1 million urban intellectual girls.
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