In the variety show "My Little Two Mouths", Xiang Zuo and Guo Biting, who have been engaged, are a couple, but because of Guo Biting's series of questions about who feeds their children, they are confused, and the two have a yearning for marriage and are afraid.
Even if Xiang Zuo said, "I didn't plan to get married, but I met you differently!" Such love words cannot dispel Guo Biting's anxiety about the life she will face after marriage, such as pregnancy and childbirth.
And ordinary people are even more so, although many marriageable young people are eager to have intimate relationships, but when they think of the material basis such as buying a house and a car, as well as the handling of the relationship between husband and wife, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, etc., the idea of marriage is mostly dispelled!
The recently released "2018 Statistical Communiqué on the Development of Civil Affairs" shows that in the whole year of 2018, China handled 10.139 million marriage registrations in accordance with the law, down 4.6% from the previous year, the marriage rate was 7.3 ‰, and the marriage rate hit a new low in the past 10 years.
There are currently more than 200 million single adults in China, including more than 77 million adults living alone, who live alone, eat alone, sleep alone, and get used to the days of one person.
In 1990, the number of unmarried women aged 30 to 35 was only 0.6 per cent; today, the number of unmarried women accounts for 7 per cent; among women aged 35 to 40, the proportion of unmarried women has increased from 0.3 per cent to about 4 per cent, an increase of more than 10 times.
More and more young people are reluctant to get married, especially the increasingly harsh social environment, which has led to a sharp decline in women's willingness to marry, preferring to enjoy high-quality singles rather than fall into the mire of marriage.
The drama master Shakespeare said that an unsatisfactory marriage is like a hell, a lifetime of chickens fighting and geese, and no life. On the contrary, choosing a satisfactory spouse can be harmonious for a hundred years and endless happiness.
To have a happy married life, women must maintain the ability to be independent, free soul and clear boundaries.
Independent ability
Although women's sense of independence has awakened and they know that they must continue to work after marriage in order to have the same voice as men in marriage, pregnancy and childbirth have forced many women to choose to temporarily give up their jobs.
Independent as actor Zhang Xinyi, a few months after giving birth to a son, he began to consider the matter of returning to work, but when discussing with his family, he was intimidated by his mother-in-law: "I think with children, it should still be more based on mothers." ”
Although her husband Yuan Hong helped Zhang Xinyi break the siege in time, presumably Zhang Xinyi is also very uncomfortable in his heart, why should women be children-oriented when they are mothers, and men who are fathers can still be hands-off treasurers?
The traditional family model of "male outside the female" is no longer adapted to modern society, women do not have independent economic ability, in the marriage to live a heart-up life, will inevitably become more and more passive.
Children can ask the elderly or nannies to help take care of them, after all, children will soon grow up, and women are out of society, and it is more difficult to compete for a place in society.
After my cousin gave birth to her son six years ago, she has been at home with children, and my cousin's husband has been pampered from the beginning, to the later laziness and arrogance, to the arrogance, and my cousin said that she no longer wants to endure the days of being blinded by asking him for money.
My cousin has been looking for a job for the past few months, but she can't do the high-paying job, and she is not willing to do the low-wage work, and the inner resentment is really impossible to say.
Emotional writer Su Qian said in "The more independent a woman is, the more advanced she lives", saying that without a savior of destiny, you are your own light.
Want to live freely, women only have the road of independence to go, do not rely too much on men, no man is willing to cover you from a lifetime of wind and rain, even if you love again, do not believe.
Only when you can hold up your umbrella and stand still in the wind and rain will you find that the handle of the umbrella is in your hands, and you will not panic in your heart, and you will not be afraid of any wind and rain.
A free soul
Someone asked: How do girls keep themselves after marriage? The woman who asked the question was newly engaged, but she was full of fear for the future married life, because she saw the married woman next to her, and her mind was focused on her husband and children.
She heard colleagues talk about breastfeeding causing lactophyllitis during meals, and saw friends yelling at their children in public, not understanding why women can't stay the same when they are married.
She said that she was afraid of becoming like her mother in the future, and she had been paying for her family all her life and had never thought about herself. She said she wanted a promotion and a raise, and she wanted to do a lot of things she wanted to do that she hadn't done yet.
This girl's self-awareness is very clear, she does not want to be overly tied by marriage, she wants to have a free soul, which is why many women are more and more irritable after marriage.
Zhou Guoping said in "I Like Life As It Is" that the most important thing is that everyone should truly realize the preciousness of his "self", and with this realization, he will find his own answer.
Hard work is to have the ability to be independent, which is freedom on the material level, and to have free time at the disposal of time, to let the soul go at any time, this is the freedom of the spiritual level, and both are indispensable.
However, after many women get married, especially when they have children, they throw themselves on their husbands and children, make themselves discouraged, and their mood becomes depressed.
Go to bed with a glass of pure milk, read a book, watch a movie on the weekend, go shopping with friends; take a short trip during the holidays, watch the scenery and eat food, and be happier if you can do this freely in marriage.
Days should go by day by day, women do not put all their energy on their families, be more kind to themselves, let yourself have free time and space, you will have more energy to run a good family.
Clear boundaries
There is a saying that there are only three things in this world, your own affairs, other people's affairs and God's affairs.
These three things clearly demarcate the boundaries of our doing things as human beings, doing our own things and not attaching ourselves to others; not imposing interference, respecting and accepting other people's affairs; and cooperating with and accepting the things of God.
However, after marriage, many women regard themselves as the head of the family, not only overly disciplined their husbands, but also pointed fingers at the affairs of the in-laws, and others did not listen to them and were angry, thinking that their kindness was regarded as a donkey's liver and lungs.
One of my aunts who is nearly 50 years old was diagnosed with breast cancer some time ago, and the whole person's spirit suddenly collapsed, and she has been married to her husband for more than twenty years, and she has her heart for more than twenty years.
The aunt is always vigilant about whether the husband is careful, interrogating the husband every day to meet with whom to eat with, and also take care of two children with three meals a day, but also to worry about the mother-in-law and the little son's family brought a bowl of meat, why did not give her home?
But the aunt is also good-looking, depressed in her heart and does not say, so she calculates every day, wants to be better for her husband and is not willing, wants to care more about her mother-in-law, and is afraid of being scolded by her mother-in-law.
In fact, if the aunt is a little clearer, do her own thing, but interfere more in other people's affairs, be open-minded, she will not be sick, others do not sympathize with her.
Lin Yutang, a famous modern writer, said that you have the courage to be your true self, stand alone, and don't want to be someone else.
We are all ordinary women in marriage, the most important thing is to have a clear sense of boundaries, pay more attention to their own affairs, respect the choice of their partners, and do not interfere more in the affairs of the in-laws.
When you can clarify the boundaries of your life, you will find that not only do you have less to worry about, but your mood is also more refreshing, and your satisfaction with marriage will also increase a lot.
Write at the end:
Although more and more young women's expectations for marriage have declined, the desire to have a happy and sweet intimate relationship is still the expectation and dream of many women.
As long as you can be independent, free and sober, you will definitely have a happy and happy family life.
About the author: A corner of the sea of hearts, Tang Xiaoxiao's writing class review teacher, freelance writer, child psychology researcher, with a heart that loves life, handwriting insight into human nature.
The image comes from the Internet
Tang Xiaoxiao: The founder of the self-media [Tang Xiaoxiao], a three-hour time management master who works three hours a day, a writing trainer, advocates easy and efficient writing, and has trained tens of thousands of trainees so far, helping countless people realize the dream of earning more than 10,000 yuan a month by writing. Private messageSYer I can listen to writing classes for free and get contribution resources worth 10,000 yuan.