Marvin's Room: Suppose your loved ones are your negative assets

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Loving this kind of thing is quite vain to say, but I have to admit that its role in real life is real. This feeling begins with the movie "Marvin's Room".

"Marvin's Room" can be said to be a work of little plums in the fledgling, peak appearance era, and I found that the middle-aged Meryl Streep in the film is also a big beauty, but these are not the points, the point is that these characters are gathered in a troubled family.

The first dilemma facing the family was that the elder Ma Wen had suffered a stroke for twenty years, and he had two daughters, the eldest daughter Beth, who was unmarried and childless for life, and she took care of her old father for twenty years. Living with the father and daughter is Beth's aunt, who is also old and sick.

The second dilemma is even worse: the eldest daughter Beth was diagnosed with bleeding cancer, and the doctor told her that only a bone marrow transplant could save her life, otherwise she could only rely on drug treatment and slowly lose the vitality of her life until her life was exhausted.

In this desperation, Beth contacts her sister, Lily, whom she has not seen in twenty years. In order to pursue her own life, Li left her responsibilities as a daughter, left her family, and went to live in another state, with no contact with her family. During these two decades, he experienced a failed marriage and raised two sons on his own: his eldest son, Hank, who was almost eighteen, and Charlie, the younger son, who was eleven or twelve.

Lily also has her own dilemma: the eldest son, Hank, has a strained relationship with himself, and can be said to be full of hatred for Lily, and his favorite and most admired is the racing driver father who has long disappeared from their lives. Hank hated Lily for separating him from his father, and at the apex of his hatred, he even set fire to the house where they lived, and Hank was imprisoned in a juvenile mental hospital.

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A phone call from her sister Beth connected the family affection that had been isolated for twenty years. Although she did not want to take any responsibility for the family, in the face of life, Li did not hesitate, she took her two sons, and traveled a long way back to her former home, the home of her father, sister and aunt.

One of the important tasks for Leigh and her two sons to go home this time is to do a bone marrow match to see who of the three of them has the marrow to save Beth.

Lily had planned to stay here for a week and leave. But in this week, too much has happened.

For two children, mom and aunt are two very different personalities.

Lily looked rough, indifferent to the children, very harsh. There are two small details -

When Beth and Leigh talked about bone marrow, Leigh said, "I'll let Hank do the test." With that, he walked out the door and told Hank, who was sitting in the car, that he had to go for an examination because it would save Aunt Beth's life. But instead of reaching an agreement, the two men quarreled, and Li yelled at Hank, and the two men broke up.

At night, Hank, Charlie, mom and aunt sat down on the couch and rested, and several of them were silent. Hank and his mother said goodbye to each other because of the bone marrow thing, and he was speechless to his mother, so he picked up the potato chips on the coffee table and ate them. Lily looked at it and immediately stopped drinking, saying that her aunt had not invited him to eat. Aunt Beth immediately said, "I'm making this for the kids." Hank was just about to continue to put it in his mouth, and Lily reprimanded, "You should wait for your aunt to let you eat it!" And grabbed a handful of potato chips in Hank's hand. Hank was furious and left the table in anger.

Aunt Beth was embarrassed and carefully let Charlie eat potato chips, and Charlie involuntarily glanced at her mother with a worried look, and Lily said, "If your aunt lets you eat it, take a slice of it!" Charlie then went to the pot to grab potato chips. At this moment, Lily said, "Don't take that much, just take one piece at a time!" Charlie was nervous, and the potato chips in his hand slowly slid into the potato chip basin, leaving only one slice. Just as she was about to eat it in her mouth, Lily said again: "Don't eat everywhere, dirty your aunt's clean floor." Charlie hurriedly covered his mouth with his whole hand, afraid that a little debris would fall. This potato chip, it was really painful to eat.

I was very impressed with this scene. In life, we often teach our children this lesson consciously or unconsciously. Our intentions may be good: to make them polite and to develop good habits, but because of the wrong way of scolding, harshness, disregard for the dignity of the child, good wishes often get the opposite result: children either become rebellious or cowardly, in any case, instead of becoming what we want them to be, we lose their trust, and our "good intentions" are exchanged for the child's hatred of us and the loss of happiness.

Beth and Leigh treat children and family in the opposite way. After both Leigh and Charlie's bone marrow pairing failed, Beth also longed for Hank to have a pairing check, but Hank kept refusing and said a lot of harsh words, saying that Beth was good to him for a purpose, just to let him take her life. Beth was sad, but she still said to Hank, "You're my nephew, and I love you no matter what." ”

I don't know when Hank began to change from a rebellious youth, maybe it was the omnipresent warmth and understanding he felt when chatting with Aunt Beth, maybe it was the aunt who gave him the tool he liked from his grandfather, maybe the aunt allowed him to drive and accompany him to the beach to go crazy, maybe he saw his aunt taking care of his grandfather and aunt with great care...

So one day, when mom told Hank that they hadn't helped much and that they were going back a few days away, Hank refused to go back, and he told his mom he was going to stay here. And one morning, I left a note for my aunt in the kitchen that read, "Auntie, I wish I could stay here." Love your Hank. ”

The note happened to be seen by Lily, and she was afraid that her son would really be moved by Aunt Beth and not leave here, looking around the kitchen, full of her father's medicine, endless housework, the wall full of things to take care of her father's day, the time to take the medicine, and the emergency phone number... All this frightened her, and a terrified Lily dropped the medicine she had sprinkled on the ground and rushed into her room to start packing her bags, and she was going to flee from here.

Hank, who was out for a ride at this time, returned and saw his mother packing her bags in a panic, and he asked her where she was going. Li li was speechless for a moment, and she couldn't make any decent excuses, and finally she put the box back under the bed and said, "I'm going to the kitchen, and everyone hasn't eaten yet." ”

And the relationship between Li and Hank also unconsciously eased, when Lily no longer showed rough and unacceptable, when she learned to express her feelings, after Hank did not say a word to go out for a ride and came back to him: "It is best to go out for a ride in the future, because I will worry about you." The phrase "worry about you" seems to allow Hank to finally be able to make an emotional connection with his mother.

Li once escaped the responsibilities of the family in order to pursue her own life, leaving her father and aunt to her sister, and at a time when her sister was also seriously ill and could no longer take care of the family, she still wanted to struggle to escape, she had her dream - a beauty degree that was about to be completed, and the new beginning of her career that followed, and love. But this week at home, what she saw and heard also unconsciously changed her. And the words of her sister Beth made her determined to take on the responsibilities of her body, Beth said: "I am very lucky. Lily replied, "Yes, you are lucky that both Dad and Aunt love you." Beth shook her head, "No, I'm lucky because I love my dad and aunt, and I have the power to love." Perhaps it was this sentence that finally changed Li's future life plan.

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Sometimes we fall into this dilemma of life: our families, instead of being proud of us, or those who can make us climb high, they are the "negative assets" of our lives: either suffering from diseases requires us to pay time, energy and money to take care of, sacrificing many of our own life dreams, or we are like enemies, and the people we think we have spent a lot of effort and sincerity on are not only not loving us, but going to the path we least want to see.

In the face of these "negative assets", avoiding responsibility, self-hatred and even hating life are the most instinctive reactions, but are these reactions useful? The result can only add fuel to the fire of reality, and it is gradually on the verge of collapse.

I remember hearing a story when I was a child, a man who wrapped his coat tightly in the cold wind, and the wind said that he could blow people's coats away, but he did not succeed in working hard enough, and people wrapped them tighter. At this time the sun said nothing, but shone on the man, who took off his coat because of the warmth.

The reason why "Marvin's Room" deeply touched me is also because of many experiences in my life, when I complain about life and resent my husband, my life not only did not get better, but let me and my husband fall into extreme pain, and because I often quarreled with my husband, sometimes angry with the children, the sky of the children became more and more cloudy, he became obedient, uncooperative, timid, my non-acceptance and rejection even made him often ask me if I did not love him.

I have always believed that people with an innate ability to love do not need to study psychology, but people who are born with a defect in the ability to love are necessary to study psychology, because it can make you self-aware of your problems, and some remedies - to make you understand the importance of full acceptance, responsibility and understanding of your loved ones. When you slowly do this, you will find that the "relationship" around you slowly changes in a good direction, and it will give you a lot of surprises. For example, I have felt recently: children go to bed early and get up early, dress and wash themselves, go to kindergarten no longer cry like before and refuse to let me leave, but say goodbye to me happily. Now he is very happy to live, and he knows that there is sufficient and full love and support from his parents behind it. Love is the greatest blessing that life can give us, and it is also the best transformative agent that makes "negative assets" into "positive assets".

Love your family, nourish every relationship around you, and life will always give you unexpected surprises.

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