This night is destined to be a sleepless night. Song Qingyang closed his eyes and lay on the bed, but what came to mind was every detail of his past with Ma Zijue.
Twenty-three years ago, she was in the same class as him, and she sat in the middle of the third row, and he sat in the window seat on the far right of the third row. Since she was a child, she has developed the habit of being alone, often silently doing everything she should do. In fact, she is extremely insecure in her heart, and some people have an unconscious alienation and distrust. But she is very serious about learning, very hard. Her family is not rich, she knows that reading is the only way to change her destiny, her grades are not very good, but she should also be regarded as a good student in the hearts of teachers. Her heart was very eager for the friendship of her classmates, but she was sentimental and timid, and she didn't know how to take this step. In interpersonal communication, she never takes the initiative. Whoever takes the initiative to approach her will respond. In her spare time, when someone gathers to laugh or talk about a certain topic, she never participates, but sits quietly in her seat and listens silently, observing everyone's every move. And then there will always be a boy's eyes on her from time to time, inquiring, concern.
At that time, the physical education classes in the third grade of the school were divided into indoor classes and outdoor classes. Indoor classes are mainly to learn the physiological hygiene knowledge of adolescence and mental health education for students, of course, including sexual psychology and basic sexual knowledge. In any case, for adolescent boys and girls in the 1990s, teachers and students were a little embarrassed to explain these contents openly in class. Most of the students were red in the face and did not dare to look up at the teacher, but just blindly looked down at the books, and Song Qingyang was no exception. Perhaps it would be tiring to sit in one position for a long time, she moved her body and twisted her somewhat stiff neck again, but inadvertently found that a gaze had crossed several classmates and shot straight at her. She turned her head to look closely, and it was the boy again, tall, thin face, sometimes melancholy, sometimes enthusiastic, but definitely not alone with him--Ma Zijue. When she found out, he quickly withdrew his gaze, and suddenly lay on the desk, and she quickly and shyly withdrew her gaze...
At the same time, Ma Zijue, who was on the train, was also caught in the memory of the past: twenty years ago, for girls, it was the same age as flowers. But Song Qingyang's face did not have the laughter that a peer should have. At least in his opinion, she was so different, but also so real. She often did everything she thought she should do in obscurity, without showing the mountains or dew. And often alone! Calm and melancholy, she is the representative of the math class in the class, and the language is also particularly prominent.
He clearly remembered: in a math class, he was wandering, the teacher suddenly asked him, he did not even hear the question clearly, how can he know how to answer? The math teacher saw the situation and wasted no time in criticizing him, saying that his mind was not used in studying, and saying that he went to Tianguan Street with a few boys after returning to school on Sunday afternoon, and did not know how to review his homework. In front of everyone's eyes, he was so shamelessly criticized by the teacher, he bowed his head in shame, and kept rubbing the corners of his clothes with his hands, eager to drill a seam into it. At this moment, he inadvertently found that she was looking at himself with eyes that contained inquiry, reproach, sympathy and pity. When the four eyes were facing each other, she looked at him deeply again, and then looked at the teacher on the podium.
She also remembers one time, when she came in through the back door of the classroom after dinner, she saw Ma Zijue sitting in her seat, looking through her math paper (the teacher had finished reading and sent it back to the student in the afternoon, so that she could try to correct the wrong problem first). Seeing her come in, he got up with a busy smile: "I'll look at your rolls!" "It's all right, just look at it!" He lowered his head in embarrassment, picked up her roll and sped back to his place. As he read the subject, he looked at her from time to time with the afterglow of the corner of his eye.
He also remembered that in that year, the number of places for poor students funded by the superior was only one per class, and the class teacher gave Song Qingyang. Although she is not a good student, she is also recognized as a good student by the teachers of all classes. The homeroom teacher took care of her face and self-esteem and was not open to the class. Instead, she was called out of the classroom alone during a night of self-study and handed over the grant to her personally. Then he looked at her fixedly and said in a serious tone: "Qingyang, study hard, and strive to enter a good school!" But her nose was sour and she almost burst into tears. At this moment, a warm current quickly rushed to her whole body with blood, and she returned to her seat with her head bowed. But Ma Zijue is very clear: her self-esteem is strong, her heart is extremely sensitive and fragile, she is actually unwilling to accept the help of others, and in addition to gratitude, she is more of a landless self-esteem that is regarded as weak by others.
How could she forget? Once, in a Chinese class, his essay "Separation of Families" was read out in the class by the language teacher as a model text. The teacher comments while reading and loses no time in guiding the students in their writing skills. From the conception, the selection of materials to the layout of the article, from the intention of the article to the creation of words and sentences, there is no omission. The students listened very carefully. She subconsciously turned her head to look at him, and he blushed shyly, lowered his head like a little girl, sat there motionless, and listened very attentively!
He still remembered that summer vacation after the entrance examination, he would think of her from time to time. One day, he didn't know what he was thinking, so he found Ma Shuang, a female classmate from the same village, and begged others to go to Song Qingyang's house with him. Ma Shuang looked at him in surprise: "Is this appropriate?" What was it to suddenly go to a female classmate's house? Although he also felt that it was not appropriate, he still pretended to be indifferent and smiled and said, "What is inappropriate about this?" Go to the same school to visit the door! "You're not going to like people!" Ma Shuang deliberately teased him. "If there is, don't talk nonsense, I just want to go and play with my classmates!" "Haha, how old are you?" A male classmate goes to a female classmate to find someone to play? What to play? What's the fun? I don't think it's you who wants to be someone! "For a moment, his face turned red unconsciously." Look, I'm right! Or is your face red? He had a kind of irritation after being recognized: "Don't say those useless, you go or don't go?" "Well, I'll just look at our classmates and the same village, give up this little face, just accompany you back!"
The two men each rode their bicycles on the road, inquiring as they walked, and arrived at Song Qingyang's house in about an hour. It is a larger village of more than sixty families, surrounded by small hillsides. Therefore, there are more slopes here, and there are more flowers and trees, but there is no river. In order to facilitate life, every household has dug a well in their own yard. Due to the lack of water sources, it is not easy to get out of the water, and it is necessary to dig very deep to get out of the water. It is not surprising that farmers here, who are mainly engaged in farming, encounter dry weather and have no harvest of grain.
Song Qingyang, who was helping his mother wash the dishes at home, suddenly heard a knock at the door, first stunned, and then put down the dishes in his hand, trotted to open the door, and said while running: "Come, come, you wait!" The door opened, she was stunned, and he also saw Song Qingyang's thin face, he hadn't seen it for only a month, she was black again, it seemed that it should be tanned! Seeing him standing in the doorway in a daze, he spoke first: "What, don't you let us enter the house and sit down?" "Who's coming?" Triumphantly. "There was a mother's voice in the kitchen." Oh, come in! I didn't expect you to come, I'm sorry to let you stand for so long! Song Qingyang welcomed the two classmates into the main room and sat down, and then poured tea again. At this time, Qingyang's mother just came out of the kitchen, and he stood up busily: "Auntie, hello, disturb you!" Mother Song frowned, and there was a flash of anger on her face, but then she showed a smile again; "It must be very tired to run from afar!" Have some tea and rest, and Auntie will go cook for you. Seeing this, she hurriedly followed her mother to the kitchen. Seeing her come in, her mother asked her in a low voice, "You let them come to our house?" "No, I was surprised." She answered in a low voice. "How come there is a male classmate?" What is your relationship? "We were in the same class as the third grade, just classmates." "Really?" Don't lie to me! How do I not look like you say? His eyes are always on you! "Mom, really, my classmate can count the number of times I talk to him in a year." The mother glared at her fiercely and continued, "The student's task is to study, and if you dare to talk about friends during school, I can't spare you!" Otherwise, you won't go to school and go home to help me with my work. "Mom, I know, don't worry!" But her heart could no longer calm down...
The two classmates sat and drank people, the water was finished, and no one came over. Ma Zijue guessed: This mother and daughter must be talking about something! Can't your sudden arrival make parents misunderstand Qingyang? With this in mind, she suddenly came in timidly and sat down next to Ma Shuang, but kept her head down and stared at the tabletop.
In the end, he broke the silence first and asked her where she had been during the holidays. What do you do at home? Where did the younger siblings in the family go? Where's my father? ...... Even he felt like he was looking for something to say. Later, he asked her what books she read at home during the holidays. Where do you plan to go to school after school starts? She answered truthfully. "Why didn't you go to the second high school when you received the acceptance letter from the second high school?" "If I go to high school for a few years and college for a few years, my family's income will not be able to support the expenses of three students. My mother worked as a farmer at home, and although my father said that he could earn some money by working outside the home, there was no other source of income for the family. Besides, even if I go to high school, whether I can get into college after three years or what kind of university I can get into is still unknown. If you can't pass the exam, where do you go? If you work hard to repeat your studies for another year, you may be able to be admitted to a teacher's training, transfer your household registration as soon as you enter school, enjoy living allowances, and after graduation, you will naturally be able to assign jobs, reduce the burden on your family, and make your future life a guarantee. Saying so many words in one breath, even she herself was a little surprised, she is usually not good at words! Ma Zijue stared at her deeply, thoughtfully...
During the meal, Qingyang's mother urged several children to eat more, and the others did not mention anything else, after eating, several children scrambled to clean up the dishes, and Mother Song no longer pushed and let them do it. Many people were fast, and it took ten minutes to clean up, and several people sat around the table again. At this time, Mother Song began to seriously look at Ma Zijue, and he was seen as if he were sitting on a needle felt. Then, he talked to him again, but within ten minutes, the situation in his home was clearly known to Mother Song. The two girls sat on the side, quietly listening to their question-and-answer dialogue, unable to interject at all. At that time, only I knew the embarrassment! Later, when Mother Song had something to do, he finally breathed a sigh of relief.
As soon as the adults left, the three teenagers finally let go of the tense nerves, and Song Qingyang got up and poured tea for the two classmates, but the two girls had a topic to talk about. And Ma Zijue just sat quietly and drank tea, glancing at them from time to time.
After a while, Mother Song hugged back a large watermelon, warmly greeted several children to understand the melon, the two classmates got up to leave, Mother Song did not hold back too much, Qing Yang kept her head down and did not speak. The mother and daughter sent them outside the door, and Mother Song pulled her daughter who was still going to go forward. The two then got on their bikes and set out on their way home.
She also vividly remembers one afternoon in mid-August when she had just taken a nap at her grandmother's house and was washing her face in the yard. At this time, a small friend in the village trotted in, "Qingyang, someone is looking for you, it's a boy!" After saying that, he didn't forget to wink at her. She was confused for a moment, and was wondering, Ma Zijue had pushed a brand new bicycle to the door, she was very embarrassed. Because it was summer vacation, she dressed very casually at home. Wearing only a dress similar to a camisole, it revealed two slender, white arms, and a chest that had begun to develop lifted the clothes up two small hills. When she looked up, she saw that he was already standing in front of her, and she was so flustered that she wanted to cover her arms, but found that her two arms were completely exposed in the air!
At this time, the brother-in-law who was taking shelter by the river also returned, saw two people standing like this, did not say anything, pulled a chair from the house, sat in the shade under the pear tree in the courtyard and quietly looked at the two children with scrutinizing eyes, hoping to get a little information from them. "I'll send you away!" She opened her mouth first. He may have also sensed that the atmosphere was wrong, and he pushed the car with his head down and walked out first. She said to her brother-in-law, who was staring at them, "I'll send him out." The brother-in-law did not speak, but only gestured for permission.
Out of the village, to the small river, past the river to another village, not far from his home. She could only send him here! The two people were a little reluctant at this time, because both people were silent along the way. Ma Zijue turned back and looked at her fixedly, and for the first time she met his gaze and looked into his eyes. Suddenly, he realized that the content carried in those eyes was extraordinary. His eyes were so bright, as if glowing, as dazzling as the stars in the night sky. That gaze was full of strong affection! She couldn't say why, but she seemed to feel a melancholy breath from him. In the same window for a year, he and she are not strangers, but their interaction is not deep, and even the number of times they speak is countless, let alone help each other in life or study, and care for each other. She couldn't get close to anyone. She had never understood that he would come to her twice this summer, and that he would be caught off guard. This time, many people in Grandma's village should know that a male classmate came to her! Because after lunch in the small river, there are many people chilling in the woods outside the door. "Melancholy" is not the background of a child of this age!
Today, for the first time, she had studied his eyes carefully, but what she saw surprised her. Perhaps seeing her gaze into his eyes for a long time, he blushed in embarrassment and lowered his head. She couldn't help but ask him, "Did you come to me for anything?" "It's all right, I just want to see you!" As he spoke, he scratched his head in embarrassment. "Okay, you've seen me, hurry home!" Don't let your family can't find you, worry about you! With that, he turned around and walked back. Just two steps away, he stopped again. She looked back and asked, "Is there anything else?" Shaking her head, she smiled at him, waved her hand, and turned away. He stood where he was, staring at his back until she disappeared at the end of the road.
The time of the night passed so quickly, and before I knew it, it was early in the morning. He looked through the car window and looked at the darkness outside, still his thoughts flying. Closing his eyes, he thought again of the unforgettable scene in the summer vacation of the third year of junior high school. After 23 years, not only could he not forget, but as he grew older, this scene became clearer in his memory, as if it had just happened. In particular, the slap that fell on her face hurt in his heart, and the slap she left for him has always inspired him to concentrate and work hard in his future study and work, and not to be disturbed by other selfish distractions. It's just a pity that the two people in the scene are running from side to side, and they can't even see each other, and the words spoken between them at that time are still in their ears, and the slaps on each other's cheeks are still faintly painful in their hearts, and exude unparalleled warmth and tenderness. This pain, this warmth, this affection is not a personal experience, and it will never be able to appreciate its uniqueness and mystery. As soon as he thought of that scene, her face would appear in front of his eyes, and the scene where she covered her face and ran away had already hurt his heart. Qingyang, the girl in my dream, no matter where we are, I hope you are safe and happy, and your life is worry-free! Let this breeze and bright moon carry away my thoughts about you! If you are well, I am sunny. You will always be the deepest attachment in my heart.
At this time, Song Qingyang was also tossing and turning, and it was difficult to sleep. The fetus probably knew the mother's heart and kept moving its small body, trying to remind the mother that it was time to rest. She gently stroked her abdomen, silently feeling the comfort and reminder from the small life in her abdomen. Say to yourself over and over again, "Sleep fast, don't affect your baby." But as soon as he closed his eyes, the past came to mind again: after three years of teacher training, he wrote letters to her for three years! Over time, she had a natural dependence on his letters. The two letters that arrived as scheduled every month, in addition to asking and caring, in addition to reporting to her about his studies and life in school. They also told everything that happened in their school, and at the same time published their own situation, the law. At the end of each letter, without exception, an ancient poem is attached, most of which express love or longing. He was borrowing ancient poems to show her his heart to express his feelings! At that time, he really didn't know how many Tang poems and Song poems he had read! These ancient poems include Li Shangyin's Qin Guan, Li Qingzhao's, Li Bai's Lu You's Su Shi's, Yuan Shu's... There are also some sentences in the Book of Poetry and Han Le Fu, and of course, the names of the authors of some verses have not been verified. These verses accompanied her for more than a thousand days and nights in that youthful years, enough to warm her lonely, fragile heart.
Every time she thought of him, she couldn't help but blush and beat her heart, as if every nerve in her body was excited and soft. His words are so pleasing to the eye, his language is so smooth and warm, and the words carry the care and thoughts of her. Every time she read his letter, her mood was happy and excited, and she was careful about her words, afraid that she would miss a word and thus misunderstand his meaning. At that time, when she thought that the two people on the high mountain road were far from seeing each other, she couldn't help but feel sad again. She really missed him, wanted to see him, even if she didn't talk, just looked! In those days of looking forward to his letter, she carried the best wishes, the most sincere blessings. She was shy, nervous, joyful, nervous, and impatient, as if she were going to see him. When she got his letter, her heart was warm and down-to-earth, she seemed to hear it, and she seemed to see the scene of the tired bird returning to its nest, and at the same time, she really felt the cheers in her heart...
Caught up in memories of the past, she is suddenly pulled back to reality by a message. She opened it to see that it was sent by Ma Zijue: "Qingyang, live well, work hard, your peace and happiness is my greatest wish!" Immediately after that, the location positioning was sent. As soon as you turn around, it is a strange road. At this moment, what is the point of him sending this? Zi Jue, where have you gone and what have you to do with me? Where are you and what does it matter to me? Why would you want to do that? She stared at that position and replied, "Good luck with the wind!" May your family be happy, your career successful, and your success in peace! ”
This night, Qing Yang had never really slept deeply. She didn't know when she fell asleep or how she fell asleep, and when he woke up, it was already eight o'clock in the morning. She had a terrible headache, patches of bruises under her eyes, some redness and swelling in her eyes, and thick dark circles. She got up and casually found something to eat in the refrigerator, and lay down on the bed again, wanting to make up for it.
Ma Zijue sat on the train for a night and a day, thinking about the past along the way, which can be described as extremely physical and mentally exhausted. When the train arrived, he woke up from his memories. Stepping out of the car, he did not forget to send a position positioning to Qingyang, and then attached a sentence: "I have arrived in Shenzhen, don't read it!" After Song Qingyang received it, he looked at it for half a moment and edited a few words: "Peace is good!" At the moment when she pressed the send button, she suddenly hesitated: What am I doing? Why bother? It was then deleted again. Ma Zijue on the other side stared at the phone for half a day, did not see any echo from her, and could not help but sigh deeply: What am I still expecting? Then he strode in the direction of home...
![Looking back at the green onion years[fig]](data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAP///wAAACwAAAAAAQABAAACAkQBADs=)