The Paper's reporter Yin Lin
Only by experiencing the real life, feeling the enthusiasm of life, and accepting the ordinary and limited truth of life, you may let go of anxiety and urging, and allow children to find and feel the meaning of life on their own.
Pixar's new film Journey of the Mind tells a story of "how should I spend this life", and it strikes at the inner struggle of many people: Can I get rid of the shackles of society, culture, family, and self and live a truly passionate life?
Joe and 22 are a pair of mentors and apprentices, but, in a way, you can also think of them as father and son.
Joe fell into the well with hope of becoming a performer and died, but his unfulfilled dream did not die. Faced with the call of the other shore, he kept fleeing backwards.
Many fathers, when faced with the birth of their children, will also experience the fear and helplessness of teenagers who must "die" in their own way. Faced with a new stage in life, he needs to give up countless possibilities, enter a life that seems to be able to see the head at a glance, and strive to earn money to support his family.
But what about those unfulfilled dreams and hopes? Those longings, anxieties, depressions, unwillingness, and fears will bubble up and be given to the next generation little by little: to let the children accomplish what they have not been able to do.
22 is Joe's next generation. 22 is a new life, he is eager to find the spark of life, and when the authorities keep telling him what the meaning of life is, 22 feels that there is no point in living on earth.
Like not like our own experience? We are taught by teachers, parents, and books from an early age: "Study hard!" "Work hard!" "Rush forward and dare to take responsibility!" "Isn't it a salted fish without a dream?" "Be above yourself!"
When does it get interesting? It was 22 who began to experience the world with his own heart and senses, tasting a delicious pizza, listening to the life story of the barbershop owner, expressing his true thoughts to Joe's mother, waiting for a fallen leaf to fall from the branch to the palm of his hand...
The child's sense of self is awakened, he feels good, he has a lot of ideas and abilities, and he feels the link in the relationship between people and people and the environment.
At this time, 22 fell in love with earth, and his life began to bloom.
However, usually at this time, the conflict between children and parents is becoming more and more intense.
Not listening to your arrangement, more and more assertive children began to overturn the rules of adults and try various boundaries. Parents with many years of experience will worry about anger, they feel that their children do not know how to take care of themselves, how to survive better in this world, they will question, guide, ask children, and even deny their children as people who have come over: "Do you have a goal?" Motivated? "I gave you all this!" Without me, you are nothing! "What do you know?" You don't understand anything! ”......
In the film, Joe cannot allow the souls of 22 to survive on Earth, and his unfulfilled dreams and desires need a shell to be resurrected.
The last parent we should be is Joe in this clip of the film. He is more terrifying than any authority figure who criticizes 22 because he is the one who accompanies 22 through life on Earth, and he is the most trusted person of the 22. His denial directly turned 22 into a lost soul.
"I went to Tsinghua, your father went to Fudan, and you only want to take the local one?"
"Want to study archaeology? What a future, to learn finance! ”
"You know a fart! Listen to me! ”
"We've worked so hard all for you. You look at you, not at all focused on learning! ”
"Every day I know to play mobile phones, play games, and if you continue like this, you will be ruined in this life!"
"You're too introverted, what's up?!"
"You look at xxx, the grades are always in the top three, you look at you, so many make-up fees are paid in vain!"
"You must be the pride of our family, you must do well!"
……
When we take the dominance of life away from the child and let our wishes be resurrected in the child's life, the powerful and lucky child may be like Nezha, setting off a terrifying wave, looking for his own destiny, but there are also many children who "castrate" themselves and live as others want him to live.
If you have the opportunity to ask a counselor, they may tell you that parents' entanglement with teenage aversion, Internet addiction, self-harm, and adults' desire to find their true selves is a large part of the counseling work. These two issues may also be seen as a continuation of the same issue.
In a society with high competition and high anxiety, some children come with symptoms such as suicide, self-harm, and school boredom, but in the work with psychological counselors, little by little, the conflict between parents and children, as well as the anxiety and contradictions of parents under the pressure of society.
Thankfully, Joe in the film learned. He played selflessly, satisfying his dream of resurrection, only to find that this highlight moment was not fundamentally different from his life.
The far side of life is still life. What really made him feel that life was worth living was to find his love for jazz in acknowledging the ordinary and limited nature of life. That's the part of himself – nothing to succeed, nothing to do with goals, nothing to do with others, to enjoy the moment.
Just like 22, what makes him feel that the earth is very interesting, and what he does not want to leave is his own feelings and enthusiasm, the moment when 22 discovers, chooses, and understands by himself, which belongs to this person alone, and is therefore full of burning vitality.
Only such a sense of life can allow Joe to overcome the anxiety of death and no longer desire eternal life and resurrection.
Yes, live in the moment. We have reached middle age, and the dreams of youth seem to be difficult to realize, but we can still touch life, touch the heart, cherish every minute steadily, feel the true meaning of life, and do every small thing you want to do.
If you have experienced this moment, you will understand what a powerful force it is to live authentically.
I wish every parent can experience this moment and be impressed by this moment.
Having felt their own vitality and felt what it is to truly live, it is easier for people to willingly return the right to experience life, the right to try, and the right to choose.
This child's life will be truly opened. And that's the passionate life that many confused adults crave.
Editor-in-Charge: Li Shuping
Proofreader: Yijia Xu