In life, we often hear parents say these words: "I do all this for you", "I am for your own good", "if you are not my child, I am too lazy to take care of you", these words have slowly become the "mantra" of parents, in fact, the meaning behind these words is "you have to be responsible for my life".
If you can carefully ponder these words, you will find that more often than not, parents use these words to push the responsibility far away, which is the psychological "abc of narcissistic hallucinations", a concept that is vividly reflected in Shelvet Stevens's "Desperate Summer".
Shevey Stevens is a suspense writer, and her "Strange Call", "Nowhere to Escape", and "Desperate Summer" have been called the psychological suspense trilogy. After reading her new book "Desperate Summer" overnight, her mood could not be calmed for a long time, attracted by the wonderful plot of the book, and regretted the unfortunate encounters of the three heroines in the book.
Shevey Stevens won the International Association of Thriller Novelists' Best Debut Award, and her first novel, "Please Help Me Kill Her," was on the New York Times bestseller list as soon as it was published, and since then, each of her works has been sought after by thousands of young readers in Europe and the United States.
Many of Xuewei's novels are mostly female protagonists, the novel under the wrapping of suspense, the dilemma suffered by contemporary women in the family and marriage relationship is described deeply and delicately, showing the dilemma of women's life at present, below, we will analyze the practical significance of this novel from a psychological point of view.
"Desperate Summer" is divided into three parts, unfolding in the tone of the three protagonists, starting from the escape of the three sisters, using interludes and flashbacks, presenting a scene of three young girls embarking on the road of escape under a hot summer day.
Jessie, the youngest of the three sisters, is about to celebrate her fifteenth birthday, she loves photography, carries the camera of her own all day, and is reluctant to sell it even on the way to escape; the eldest sister, Dani, who has just turned eighteen, has a driver's license, is responsible for driving, and she needs to take care of her two younger sisters on the way to escape; the second cousin, some little rebellious, often hangs out with boys, so she is often "domestic violence" by her father.
Three days earlier, the three sisters had cooperatively shot their father, the youngest, Jessie. On the way to escape, they misheard and misbelieved, thinking that they were free from the sea of suffering, who knew but plunged into a darker abyss, and this wrong choice almost cost them their lives.
During the five days and five nights of captivity by the farmers Brian and Gavin, the three sisters' hopes are gradually shattered, and the future they can't see, and the torture they can't endure, almost destroy them.
They did not give up, and with unremitting efforts, they finally escaped from the hellish cage of the world, but the fact of killing their father was always with them, and they could not get rid of it after all.
The well-wishers Patrick and his wife Karen extend a helping hand to the three sisters, who come to Vancouver, work hard and try to return to normal life, but the scene of killing their father and the experience of escaping can never be erased, becoming an indelible memory in the hearts of the three young girls. They try to get rid of their demons and start a new life, but it is too difficult.
Eighteen years have passed, the three girls have matured more, and Jessie has her own daughter Skylar, a girl who was accidentally born under Brian's compulsion.
The lives of the three sisters revolve around Jessie's daughter Skylar, and gradually become calmer, but the secrets in their hearts have always been hidden in their hearts, and they will emerge from time to time, and they hate the murderers and those who force them.
They often assume that "if I hadn't killed my father, wouldn't things have turned out like this?" But there is no regret medicine in the world, life cannot be repeated, time cannot be turned back, and the second cousin, when Skylar repeatedly asks about his life, suddenly made up his mind to avenge Brian and Gavin, who hurt them in the first place.
The journey of escape has just come to an end, and another journey of redemption has begun.
The clues left by Courtney gave Skylar a chance to find her, but Skylar was also in a cage and locked up with Courtney. The eldest Dani and the third Jessie begin a journey of redemption, through the alarm, looking for clues, taking the initiative, risking their lives to finally find the place where the two of them are imprisoned, unfortunately, Courtney was killed, and Courtney lost his life although he took revenge.
The three sisters became two sisters, but with Jamie's daughter Skylar, they did not give up their lives, they were still strong and alive. Perhaps eighteen years ago they killed their father and ran away was the beginning of the mistake, but for the young women, the mistakes they have made can only be borne by themselves and no one can replace them.
The journey of escape and redemption of the three girls tells us that only love can help people get out of pain, and although the process of growing up is painful, however, in this world, everyone is trying to live.
Between life and heaven and earth, it is not easy, to fight with heaven, with the earth, with people, we all try our best to live this life. Only by doing our best to fight for the right to live can we find the meaning of life, which may be the inspiration brought to us by this novel.
"Abc of narcissistic hallucinations" is a term in psychology, in short, I do a, you do b, otherwise you will get c.
In parent-child relationships, the logic often used by parents is: I am so good to you (a), you must listen to my (b), otherwise you are not a good child (c).
In the novel, the mothers of the three teenage girls are killed in a car accident, and they live with the alcoholic father.
Fathers have to earn money to support them, and this gives rise to the logic that I earn money to support you.
The father was grumpy and often beat them after drinking, and before the mother died, she was able to persuade the father, but the mother died, and the three girls seemed to have fallen into hell, which led to the logic b--the three daughters must listen to me.
However, the second cousin always goes out to fool around with boys, so the father is laughed at by others, so beatings become commonplace, which appears logical c - the daughter does not obey and goes out to fool around, it is not a good child, so "domestic violence" for the three girls, has become a common thing, the father does not allow them to resist.
Does the father love them? Of course, it is love, but as a father, not only can not express, but also because of frequent "domestic violence", he was hated and feared by his daughters, and they finally took up a gun and killed his father in a conflict to avoid the second cousin being strangled by his father.
Doesn't the father love them? Of course not, how can one's own flesh and blood not love? He had to earn money to support his three daughters, and every time he came back from working outside, even if he was dirty and tired, he did not forget to bring gifts for his three daughters when he returned home.
Just as the three sisters were about to drive away, Jessie found a fifteenth birthday gift brought to her by her father, a camera roll, which became the most regrettable thing for Jessie after killing her father.
Jessie thinks that her father's frequent "domestic violence" against them is because her father has long ceased to love them, in fact, it is just that her father does not easily express love and is not good at expressing love.
The father of the three sisters, as a widowed man, life was not easy. He also wants to spend time with his children, but he carries the heavy responsibility of supporting the family on his shoulders, and he can only rush forward with all his strength, the pressure has nowhere to vent, no one understands him, and he can only sprinkle his anger on his daughters.
The most misunderstood thing in the world is the father, and the feeling that is most easily overlooked by us is the father's love.
Once, there was a rainstorm that trapped a girl in a car, and seeing that the car door was about to open, the girl began to call many people: boyfriend, father, friend, colleague... Hopefully someone can help push the car. The only one who came was Dad, and he arrived at the first time and carried her out of the car.
Father, has always been the one who stands up for you when you need it most, and every time there is danger, Dad comes! It's just that our fathers are too bad at expressing love, which has caused a lot of misunderstandings, isn't the father of the three sisters one who has been misunderstood?
This original escape journey, because of a gift from his father, in 18 years of life, this escape became a journey of redemption, redeeming the three sisters, and thus taking them to a new life.
The three sisters in the novel have gone through a journey of escape, a journey of redemption, and although they have begun a new life, the harm of this original family will accompany them for the rest of their lives.
Teacher Wu Zhihong once told a story, an adult man is a well-behaved baby of his parents, he will tell his mother everything, and even he promised his mother that if he has a girlfriend, he will tell his mother. At first, he did tell his mother everything, and then he talked about a girlfriend, did not tell his mother, and after her mother knew, she asked him to break off the relationship with his girlfriend, saying that the girl was a bad girl.
Mom had neither met the man's girlfriend nor dealt with the girl, so why did she have such a bad impression of the girl? This is actually "narcissistic hallucination abc" making trouble.
On the face of it, Mom thinks girls are bad, but in reality, it's Mom's narcissistic hallucinations that are ruined, and I've paid so much for you (a) that you're going to do what I mean (b) or you're going to be punished (c). The mother is willing to give everything to the son, including life, but in exchange, the son will leave the life at the mother's disposal.
This narcissism of the mother will inevitably be questioned and challenged by the son, everyone wants to dominate others, and wants others to live according to their own will, rather than living in the will of others, which is bound to destroy the intimate relationship and is also a huge challenge to the original family.
In a program, when Dong Qing talked about her original family, like most of us ordinary people, she had a lot of helplessness, a lot of resentment, and a lot of guilt.
Dong Qing said of his original family:
The impact of the family of origin on everyone's growth is difficult to measure.
She also referred to her father saying:
My father was strict and harsh on me beyond the average person's imagination.
Dong Qing, who is almost perfect in our eyes, will also have inferiority complex under such a strict education method. She feels that she is much better than others, she will feel solid, if she is similar to others, or a little better, she will feel insecure.
People who like Stephen Chow must be very familiar with his classic movies, and the female characters in his works are very characteristic, especially the elderly, such as the charter wife, such as the oldest four beards of the empty prince, and then such as the old fish in "Mermaid", these images have one thing in common, powerful! Very powerful!
The male characters in the film are mainly characterized by nests, obscenities or bad people, such as Uncle Da and other supporting roles are very successful.
When Zhou Xingchi gave an exclusive interview to Chai Jing when he was 50 years old, Chai Jing asked him: "When are you going to get married?" "
Zhou Xingchi: "There should be no chance, I am like this now, do you see a chance?" I'm all this age, and I just had bad luck. "
Zhou Xingchi's current situation is closely related to the original family, his childhood is unhappy, before the family broke up, his parents often quarreled and even fought. This kind of original family has a great influence on Zhou Xingchi in adulthood, and he is inferior, introverted, and lonely closely follows him.
Although the harm caused to us by the original family is no longer inevitable, if we long blame all the faults on the harm caused by the original family, at the same time, it actually pushes away our responsibility.
Because we are deeply hurt, we refuse to grow up, hate such a native family, envy other people's families, and thus continue to be inferior and unconfident... However, this state also invisibly affects our children.
Xue Wei's psychological suspense trilogy of "Strange Calls" and "Nowhere to Escape" also describes the dilemma encountered by women in life, she is good at using the technique of suspense, many reversals, the women suffered from the critical blow of life state of mind portrayed very delicately, she also set off a suspense storm in the European and American literary circles with this suspense trilogy, won the "Publishers Weekly", "Globe and Mail" and many other media praise.
The great thing about Xue Wei is that through the perspective of women, the use of suspenseful reasoning brushwork, once again push the dilemma in contemporary women's life to the cusp of the storm, although the women in her novels are mostly victims, but there is no hate, no cynicism, the so-called female power is also born upwards.
In real life, each of us will be more or less affected by the original family, we continue to play the role of victim, perpetrator, and savior in our own family, and switch non-stop, playing the game of self-deception, and enjoy it.
When one day it dawns on the ground that although 80% of a person's personality will be affected by the family environment of growth, the original family does not determine a person's life, as long as you are willing, intergenerational reincarnation? Or growing into Nirvana? The power is in their own hands.
Parents are our original family, and we have become the original family of our own children, how to create a good environment, to give children the best original family, this is the problem that each of us should think about.