Practical Techniques for Parenting: Externalization. When the child is stubborn and refuses to admit his mistake, what can the parents do?

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Hello everyone, I am a parenting counselor, Chen Tianxing. Our slogan is that those who are difficult will not be difficult, those who will be difficult, scientific parenting, once learned, will be.

I am often asked by my parents, how do I get my child to admit mistakes? For example, if you tell him that you are wrong here, he will immediately either scream in denial, or cry and avoid, and some will get angry and beat up his parents, and he must say that he is not wrong, and some will use the killer skill that makes his parents immediately discouraged: "I know that you don't like me." I'm not doing anything right."

These reactions of children generally make parents more angry. They would complain to me, Teacher Chen, what happened to my child, how to admit a mistake, such an easy thing, he can't do it? I'm worried about how he will get along with others when he comes to society in the future.

At this time, I often ask these parents, who told you that admitting mistakes is easy? Anyway, I feel that it is difficult for me to admit my mistakes, and I feel very humiliated every time.

In fact, admitting mistakes is really a very difficult thing. It is difficult for us adults to do this, because acknowledging mistakes often makes people feel embarrassed, humiliated, ashamed, guilty, regretful, afraid, and even fearful and other negative emotions, at this time our minds will automatically start some protective ways, let us not touch these emotions, such as denial, escape, put into action, etc. Among them, children are more likely to put it into action, because at the same time, since I put it into action, I don't have time to feel the negative emotions in my heart. For example, directly beat your parents to avoid feeling negative emotions in your heart.

Okay, now that adults do it by admitting mistakes, it's even harder for kids. So, does that mean we're going to leave it alone? Of course not. As parents, discipline is our responsibility, so we still have to teach. Here I will teach you a practical parenting technique to help you better help your child admit mistakes. This technique is called externalization.

The next time, when you want your child to admit a mistake, you first have to try to accept the child unconditionally in your heart, remembering that it is unconditional, that is, no matter what he does, he is our child, and I have to accept him. Then, praise him, for example, you can say: "Baby, Mom and Dad can feel that you are working hard, but you still can't seem to do the right thing and say the right thing." Come, Mom and Dad will solve this problem with you. ”

If, at this time, the child is still very excited to push you away, or when he is ready to cry and avoid, or, once again, he cries pitifully and says, "I know that you don't like me, and I know that I can do anything bad." At this time, parents should not be angry and helpless. We have to be more patient and take out a piece of A4 paper, and then, with a pen, draw a circle on it,

Say to the child, "This is like you, you are good." Mom and Dad, like you, appreciate you, love you. Then you draw a little black spot inside the circle and say to the child, "But now you have made a mistake, like this little black spot, and it affects your growth." Now Mom and Dad just want to work with you to get rid of this little black spot. Mom and Dad didn't dislike you, and they wouldn't dislike you. ”

General parents use this technology to externalize the problem, which can connect us with the child's emotions, at this time the emotional brain in the child's brain will be quiet, and the corresponding rational brain will be easier to enter the state of persuasion education.

Okay, I'm a parenting counselor, Chen Tianxing. If you find it useful, please forward it to your friends right away so that more parents can learn this externalized technique.