Someone once commented that Barkin was a writer who "only writes about love, but does not talk about love".
Tomorrow morning, he became famous with the novel "Home", but he was 32 years old and still alone.
Every day, he was busy replying to letters from readers across the country, one of whom was the most frequent, a mysterious girl who never signed her name.
On an ordinary day in 1936, Barkin opened her envelope as usual, but a photograph fell from it—
The girl in the photo, combing a pretty student's short hair, wearing a white dress and a black dress, has a sweet smile on her round face, like a begonia flower blooming in spring.
At that time, Ba Jin could not have imagined that the childish 19-year-old girl in the photo would become a wife who shared her bitterness after 8 years.
Her name is Xiao Shan, and in the nearly 40 years that she has been with Ba Jin, she has not blushed once, quarreled once, or had a deviant scandal.
From falling in love at a young age, to staying together in middle age, thinking of each other in his old age, and getting rid of love has become the famous saying of Jia Baoyu in "Dream of the Red Chamber":
"Let the weak water be three thousand, and I will only take one scoop to drink."
8 years in love:
"Only you, let me get tired of being alone"
The first time the two met was in the chaotic shanghai of the world.
According to the agreement on the letter, Ba Jin came to the Xinya Hotel early, chose the position by the window, and asked for a cup of light tea.
After a while, Xiao Shan leaned in from outside the door and greeted her warmly like an old friend, "Oh sir, you came early!" You're much younger than I thought you were. ”
The unspeakable Ba Jin smiled modestly and replied gently, "You are also more like a doll than I thought." ”
That day, they saw each other as they were.
Xiao Shan spoke of the patriotic movement with emotion and emotion, and then recalled her feudal and stubborn father with a low brow.
Barkin listened quietly, laughed, and occasionally gave advice to the elderly like a "little friend".
Since then, Xiao Shan has visited Ba Jin at the publishing house for three days and two ends, showing him pushkin's novels that she has translated, and telling young students about trivia.
A pair of bright eyes are full of admiration and love.
Barkin is not unaware, but he does not dare to respond. The situation was too chaotic, and he was afraid that Xiao Shan, who had just opened his love, would regret his decision for the rest of his life because of his ignorant decision.
But as Thomas Morton said, "Destiny is destined to love each other, and we should not seek the meaning of life alone." ”
Day after day of getting along and accompanying, Xiao Shan finally touched Ba Jin's already iron heart in the midst of like-mindedness and poetry.
In 1938, the War of Resistance Against Japan was tight. Ba Jin threw herself into the rescue activities, and Xiao Shan also joined the Red Cross Injury Hospital as a volunteer nurse.
They traveled all the way, upside down, footprints all over Wuhan, Guilin, Hong Kong, Chengdu... After several months of being in a different place, the two were full of thoughts and could only send letters.
After nearly 6 years of love, Barkin's publishing house was hit hard, and colleagues rushed to their own future one by one, leaving Only Ba Jin alone to write the manuscript upside down day and night.
Xiao Shan was really worried, and before she finished college, she rushed to Ba Jin's side and bowed down on his shoulder and promised:
"Don't be sad, I'm by your side and never leave you."
Ba Jin's eyes were red—how could he have such a commitment? He turned his head and said to Xiao Shan movingly, "I don't know how to thank you, but wait another year, okay?" ”
Xiao Shan did not answer, she knew all too well that in the case of such a severe war, the burden on Ba Jin's shoulders was heavy.
He did not have a stable salary in the state, and could only rely on the cost of writing one by one to earn the living expenses of the old mother, the tuition of his nephews and nieces, and the cost of preparing for marriage in the future.
That year, he wrote the third volume of his novel Fire, translating Turgenev's Father and Son and Virgin Land.
Finally, before the promised date, he printed a "wedding trip" notice for relatives and friends, and took Xiao Shan, a bride who had been in love for 8 years, to Huaxi in Guiyang for a nap.
At the age of 40, Ba Jin, who was famous for "Home", finally had his own small home with Xiao Shan.
28 years together:
"Because of you, sweet and sour is also sweet"
"In 1944, there was no war in Huaxi."
Ba Jin and Xiao Shan held the most simple wedding in the history of the literati - the banquet was selected in the town's small restaurant, and the banquet was only a stewed chicken and two small dishes.
In the dim light, they silently touched glasses, picked vegetables, ate slowly, and then walked back to the hotel.
There was not a single cotton, but the trustee bought four glasses and became monogamous.
There's a saying that goes something like this:
When people are young, the highest commitment to love is marriage;
And the essence of marriage is to live a life.
Even if they love again, Ba Jin and Xiao Shan's married life cannot escape the trivialities thrown by life.
The most fatal first difficulty is that there is no money.
After giving birth to a son and a daughter in succession, Ba Jin's family has become a large group: wife and children, old mrs. Ba, two single sisters, orphans of deceased friends, and nannies who take care of their daily lives...
At that time, the material was too poor, and Xiao Shan could only risk her inferiority by letting her daughter learn piano.
However, the monthly grain of the nanny alone is 70 catties.
Food stamps are not enough, in the years of Ba Jin's business trip, Xiao Shan can only take the children to eat some "two thin and one dry".
Once, Xiao Shan said in a letter to Ba Jin: "The children are waiting for you to come home and eat soy sauce meat together." Now they want to kill chickens for them to eat, and they always endure not to eat. ”
Ba Jin was heartbroken and hurriedly replied: "Even if I go home, I will definitely let you eat something delicious." ”
"I am glad to see that it is your good body, not the good food you left me!"
In addition to the economic embarrassment, this second difficulty, there are also years of different places.
After the founding of New China, Ba Jin often had to visit abroad, and he had to deal with the endless delivery to welcome.
In 1952, he went to the Korean battlefield for an interview and was away from home for more than 9 months.
While Xiao Shan wants to negotiate the relationship between mother-in-law and concubine, she is also busy being the volunteer editor of Shanghai Literature.
The most gratifying moment in the ordinary day is to receive a short and long reply from Barkin Paper.
"I miss you, especially you."
"There is good moonlight outside the window, and it can also shine on you, what are you doing..."
Perhaps, as the book says, "Some people are displaced in marriage, and some people are happy to redeem themselves in marriage." ”
The little life of the Barkin couple is uneventful and difficult, but it hides tenderness in hardship.
Once again destitute, Ba Jin will always bring a few pounds of peanut candy to her lover when she returns home from a business trip;
No matter how much she is, Xiao Shan will always take care of Ba Jin and the children to sleep first, and then go to the study to edit articles.
The triviality of marriage may not be comparable to the sweetness of hot love, but as Keigo Higashino said—
"In the long darkness of the night, you are my only light."
33 years of acacia:
"I don't want any other old partner except you"
"The past is still like a dream, and it all comes to mind with the wind and rain."
In 1966, the nightmare of the cultural world completely shattered the full moon of the Barkin couple.
Ba Jin lived in the fly-flying cowshed for nearly ten years, and Xiao Shan was also implicated, and every day before dawn, he had to carry a broom to sweep the street.
In the days of the year, the couple always cares for each other without words.
In addition to encouraging each other to "insist on living", they can only bring two sleeping pills, hoping that each other can sleep better...
Later Barkin wrote this passage in his memoirs:
"In any environment, I want to be a person worthy of your love." In the midst of hardship, I will call your name. ”
Unfortunately, Ji Yue was a rare opportunity, the clouds were easy to disperse, and Xiao Shan had already run out of time.
After so many years of exhaustion and exhaustion, she suffered from severe rectal cancer and had to be operated on.
However, despite experiencing the ICU, blood transfusion, and oxygen inhalation, Xiao Shan, who has always been reluctant to work hard, still walked quietly on the 5th day after the operation.
She was angry at the time when Barkin returned home to eat, leaving no last words.
By the time Barkin received the call and hurried back to the ward, his former translucent eyes had long since dimmed.
That day, Ba Jin wore a messy shirt, wiped a handful of tears, and took a final photo with Xiao Shan.
He once said: "I am not accustomed to the practice of seeing one love one and seeing one for another based on interests, hobbies, or impulses alone... One should know how to control one's feelings. ”
As he himself said, since Xiao Shan left, Ba Jin had not accepted a single woman.
He refused his friend's kindness to help renew the string, but instead put Xiao Shan's ashes in the bedroom and placed the novels she translated at the head of the bed.
33 years of being alone, seeing her face in her sleep every night, and then waking up in a dream to taste the illusion of emptiness...
Ba Jin's good friend Shen Congwen once wrote such a sentence:
"I have traveled over bridges in many places, seen clouds many times, drunk many kinds of wine, but I have loved only one person of the right and best age."
But for Ba Jin and Xiao Shan, the best love has never been related to age or timing.
Because life is too short, decades of time, only enough to love a person deeply.
Once upon a time, Ba Jin and Xiao Shan, one firmly single, one was not deeply involved in the world.
Although they did not grow old for a hundred years, they held each other for thirty-six years, creating a good relationship of enshan and righteousness.
In those years of success, there were so many people who admired Ba Jin, but he only met Xiao Shan;
In the days of wandering in different places, the dangerous road to be walked was so long, but she always accompanied Ba Jin to carry it.
Perhaps the so-called happiness is not at all a random flower to charm the eyes, but in the world of thin feelings, living affectionately.
As Barkin said in "Home": "If you are in love, be in love." ”
If you love a person, you have a heart, a life, and you love only that person.
The best look of marriage, never you are always full of spirit, I will always be beautiful as a flower.
But after years of polishing, you can still take root inward and bloom new shoots in the short and chicken feathers of the parents.
Encourage everyone.
Author | Ninety-seven, life is as it should be, nine-seven out of ten.
Image | Network (if there is infringement, please contact to delete)