Wen | Zhang Ping
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In the relationship between husband and wife, under what circumstances are problems prone to occur?
Personally, I feel that long-term separation, non-communication, and unbalanced family status are all reasons for easy problems.
Someone once asked Yao Chen a question: How do you balance family and career?
Her answer at the time was: there is no balance, no balance.
She said the same question no one would ask her husband just because he was male. As a woman, I am frequently asked similar questions.
Is this an unfair treatment? I think so.
In marriage, there is no so-called fairness, and there is no real equality of status. Both husband and wife will always form a contrast between strength and weakness because of income problems and personality reasons.
Under normal circumstances, in a family, people with more incomes have more dominance, and the party with strong personality has more right to speak. Long-term status inequality between two people, the weaker party will be unconfident.
Some people make sacrifices and compromises for their families, and on the surface they look great, but in fact, only they know how many grievances and unwillingness are hidden behind this compromise.
A woman with an enterprising spirit will not be willing to be a housewife, and in the same way, a full-time dad who gives up her career for the family will not be willing to be the man behind the woman.
Not long after the TV series "White Moonlight" began broadcasting, many people did not understand the division of labor between Zhang Yi and Zhang Xin in the marriage of "male protagonist inside, female outside".
Most families, after a woman becomes pregnant, can only give up her job for the sake of her children, although she is unwilling, but there is no other way.
In the public mind, women always give priority to those who dedicate themselves to the family, and Zhang Xin took the initiative to resign to take care of the family after his wife Zhang Yi became pregnant, which may be a manifestation of his love for Zhang Yi too much.
In ten years of marriage, Zhang Yi has never doubted Zhang Xin, she has always felt that her husband loves herself very much, so when she learned that her husband betrayed the marriage, her heart was extremely broken.
In fact, from the beginning of Zhang Xin's choice of family, the family status of the two of them has been unbalanced. Zhang Yi's career is getting better and better, the more money will be earned, the more capable she is, but the easier it is for her partner to feel that she is in the pocket.
A man who has been trapped in the family for a long time must have such a psychology in his heart: he feels incompetent, and his wife is too strong and stressed.
Over time, in order to prove that he is still attractive, he will do something against the marriage.
It can be said that he will betray the marriage because his wife is too strong, but the real reason is that he wants to prove himself too much.
A man, married for ten years, give up his career for the family for 5 years, these five years can be said to be the dark moments of his life, no income, no communication, no career.
Are you going to say he doesn't panic? I don't think so. Just like any housewife, after they resign and return to the family, they will have panic in their hearts, afraid of derailment with society, fear of losing their charm, afraid of having another partner.
A person who has been in the family for a long time will start to think wildly in her heart. Men are better than women, men's minds are not as delicate as women's, nor are they sensitive to women, and their ability to find trouble is naturally weaker.
Lin Zhiying's wife Chen Ruoyi appeared in front of the camera for the first time, giving people the feeling that they were very unconfident, and since marrying Lin Zhiying, their marriage has not been optimistic.
Many people feel that Chen Ruoyi is not worthy of the perfect Lin Zhiying, which makes Chen Ruoyi, who is introverted, sensitive and timid, even more unconfident, she is afraid that she will not perform well, worried that she will not meet her mother's requirements, and is afraid of not being liked by the audience.
Her lack of self-confidence is only a personality problem, but Zhang Xin's lack of self-confidence is a psychological problem.
Zhang Yi and Zhang Xin have been married for 10 years, although their feelings have been good in the past ten years, in Zhang Xin's view, the night before the marriage ten years ago, his wife secretly dated his ex-boyfriend, which has always been rooted in his heart like a thorn.
The reason why he chose to continue to marry her was not only because of love, but perhaps there was also an element of revenge.
Zhang Xin looks very honest, but the more honest a man, the less difficult it is to think about his heart, he can talk to his wife and untie the happy knot on the wedding day, but he did not.
Every time he encounters a problem, he is not willing to communicate with his wife head-on, or it can also be understood that in the relationship between the two of them, Zhang Yi has always been a strong party, and the more so, the more rebellious Zhang Xin's heart will only be.
Zhang Xin can communicate with his lover Yang Yan for 10 months under the eyes of his wife, which is enough to show that this man is thoughtful, and his original intention may be just to play and take the opportunity to retaliate against his wife.
It's just that once the feelings are unfolded, it is difficult to take them back.
The problem between him and Zhang Yi may start from the imbalance of family status, but what really affects the marriage should be Zhang Xin's inner lack of self-confidence.
Because he is not confident, he needs to find confidence in other people, because he is not confident, he needs to prove that he can through other things.
At first, I also thought that the imbalance in family status was the culprit that led to marriage, but if you think about it, not communicating when things happen, or not being able to communicate when things happen, is the root cause of marriage breakdown.
In a family, the husband and wife do a reasonable division of labor, know how to negotiate when things happen, and can respect each other, and they will not go to the point of sleeping in the same bed and dreaming.
Marriage needs to be managed, there is not so much reason, there is not so much right and wrong, two people only in one direction, learn to be honest with each other, do not shirk responsibility, give the partner real understanding and tolerance, in order to maintain the marriage, so that it will not be affected by the outside world and break down.
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About author:Zhang Ping, psychological counselor, marriage and family counselor, well-known emotional self-media. I have wine, do you have a story?