We all love our children and do our best to fulfill their thoughts and desires, this is love.
Gradually, this kind of love makes us start to worry, has this kind of love become "harmful"? So we start to delay gratification, which is also love, love after thinking about growing.
Now I'm going to say another kind of love, which is "respect."
We all know that respect for children is very important, without the respect of parents, how can children learn to respect others, how can they have self-esteem? Without respect, like without wings, how can a child fly far?
But do we respect our children?
Some people will say, I respect the child, what does he want, I buy him, what he wants to eat, I make it for him, afraid of spoiling, I will carry it out every once in a while, this is not called respect?
Yes, respecting a child's needs is respect. But the psychological respect for the growth of children, have you done it?
A friend of mine also loves children, soaking in a variety of parenting books every day, self-proclaimed as half a "parenting expert", when it comes to which kind of education method can be said for half a day, she is the greatest possible to meet the child's various requirements, and the use of delayed gratification is also very good, their children also control their own desires properly, rarely put forward unreasonable requirements, even if they like it. I remember once we went to the mall together, the child was attracted by the toys in the toy store, this take, that touch is not willing to put, she weighed and said that she wanted a puppy lantern, and her friend bought it for her. I saw that she was holding the puppy lantern and kept touching the little dinosaur, so she said that she couldn't buy both of them. The child spoke, saying that she already had a puppy lantern, and the dinosaur would buy it next time, and she stressed to me that she could only buy one at a time. After that, we finished shopping smoothly, and I think the love of friends is very appropriate. But she also had problems.
The other day I was so depressed that I came to me and said that the child was tired of school. I was surprised that their children were only 3 and a half years old and had just entered kindergarten, and they were tired of school? Ask clearly to understand, the original friend saw that other kindergarten children are reporting what training class, learning painting, music, piano, English, dance and so on, just want to let the child experience it. It doesn't matter, it also happened that there was a phone call directly to the training class to listen to the class, so the friend arranged a few trial lessons for the child without authorization. The child began to behave very well, but two or three times in a row said that he did not want to go to class, the last time the child directly refused to go, the friend repeatedly reasoned no fault, and finally directly held the child over. The last lesson was listened to, the whole time was not in the state, from then on, even if I went to the children's paradise, I was afraid that behind the audition class.
In fact, this is a psychological disrespect for children. Such things I think in life also abound, such as some children take apart the toy to delve into the structure, are reprimanded by parents as "losers", children plant beans in flower pots, wait for beans to grow up, the whole family eats beans, is taught by parents to destroy flowers, etc., this is not the real respect for children, and such reprimands are followed by the suppression of children's desire to explore.
Speaking of this, some people are confused, this is not respect, that is not respect, what is respect?
In fact, respecting the child can be identified in one step - whether he is regarded as an adult or a friend. Treat your child like a friend, but what if a friend is doing it? Would you still loudly reprimand him for being unreasonable? Do you still scold without asking? Will he arrange to do it for him without his consent? Neither.
Treat the child as a friend, give respect at the same time we will also put the child into the wings of tolerance and freedom, so that the child can fly proudly in the sky of growth.