How to break through a marriage that looks like a god and has no sense of intimacy? Harvest high-quality emotional connections

My grandfather and grandmother, married through the words of the matchmaker and the order of their parents, have been married for more than 60 years, the two people will have communication, rarely quarrel or cold war, there is no big conflict, live together and live in peace.

In the eyes of outsiders, they are very happy, but the two are always a little distant, not close enough, lack of spiritual communication and interaction, too dull.

But when I was young, my grandmother told me that she could not feel the love of her grandfather, but she could only obey, yes, what resistance could grandma who had not gone to school for a day resist?

Pulling the timeline back to now, there are still many marriages of this type, which are the most appropriate description of this type of marriage, also known as "false sexual intimacy".

In such a marriage, both parties restrain their emotions from each other and strive to look like a good husband and wife.

They also do not have a deep love for their partners, do not feel the emotional support of each other, and cannot feel the power of being loved from each other.

In a marriage that seems to be in harmony with god, each other hides their true feelings in their hearts, and both people feel depressed, painful, and unable to feel the meaning of marriage.

Not getting the nourishment of love from each other, you will eventually either ask for it outwards, forming a "happy marriage but the partner is cheating"; or you can't stand it and end the relationship with divorce.

Most people, on the other hand, will spend their days in this calm but repressive marriage, waiting until their children grow up to have a real intimate relationship for the rest of their lives.

People who are caught up in fake sexual intimacy are not unwilling to get real love, but they are incapable of getting it.

True intimacy requires a lot of ability, and it needs to learn and grow, and many people do not have such ability.

For example, to learn to observe the needs of the partner, guide the partner to say his feelings, meet the needs of the partner, reasonably express his feelings, but also need two people to establish deep communication, establish trust, establish a natural and comfortable mode of getting along, and so on.

These abilities, in the process of our growth, rarely have the opportunity to learn, unless the parents are very good at managing feelings, very loving, in order to subtly learn;

In school, we learn a lot of knowledge, but we have not learned how to manage feelings; and in feelings, we rarely reflect on ourselves, and most people will not experience many relationships and have no opportunity to learn.

Therefore, the lack of this part of the ability makes many couples fall into false intimate relationships, unable to form a real intimate relationship.

In order to have a happy marriage with intimate relationships, one party needs to be more energetic, more self-improvement awareness and the willingness to manage feelings, and actively grasp these abilities.

When one party learns to manage feelings, knowing how to communicate and manage more effectively in marriage, you can guide partners to manage feelings together, and eventually form the flow of love and have high-quality intimate relationships.