Recently, "human high-quality father" Lee Seung-hyun has produced a light and won praise from netizens.
Everyone was not only impressed by his dedication to carrying a baby full-time, but more importantly, his textbook way of carrying a baby was really enviable.
"With such an educational method, there will never be a bear child in the family"
"Such a dad is fantastic, treats the child as an independent individual and respects the child"
"What is this fairy father, living in such a family is also too happy"
……
In Lee Seung-hyun's communication with his daughter Lucky, we don't see any rough ways, nor do we blindly spoil. He and his daughter are more like friends, growing up together in mutual respect and mutual understanding.
However, what causes headaches for many parents is that they love their children deeply, but they are not good at expressing themselves, and many times a mouth becomes a sword to hurt their children, making a mess of the parent-child relationship.
How can you talk to your children like Lee Seung-hyun and establish an enviable parent-child relationship?
Dr. Wu Eun-ying, also from South Korea and known as the "National Parenting Mentor" and "God of Parenting", in her latest book "The Most Gentle Parenting", through 130 practical situational dialogues, tells us how to talk to children well, communicate with children appropriately, and start a relaxed and pleasant parenting journey.
01 Accept your child's emotions
We often see scenarios like this:
The child accidentally fell, and the parents rushed over to support the child, stomping on the floor while coaxing:
"The baby doesn't cry, blame this floor is broken, trip our baby up, let me hit it hard..."
When children cry because they didn't buy their favorite toys, parents scare:
"Hold me back, and if I cry again, I won't want you..."
When many parents encounter a child crying, the subconscious idea is how to let the child stop crying.
So they either take the form of blind flattery and excessive coddling to beg the child not to cry, or use rough intimidation to threaten the child not to cry.
In fact, crying is a way for children to express emotions, just like we will laugh when we encounter happy things, but crying is a release of negative emotions.
Dr. Wu Enying mentions in her book that as a parent, you should allow your child to release emotions and not try to manipulate your child's emotions.
If the child cries, let him vent by crying, and everything will wait until he is finished crying.
In the variety show "Think of a Way, Daddy", once the child was needed to leave his father to complete the task alone, and Lucky couldn't help but cry when he separated from his father Lee Seung-hyun.
At this time, Lee Seung-hyun did not stop her daughter from crying, let alone compare her with other children who did not cry, but took Lucky in her arms to make her cry, and let her release the anxiety of this separation.
He tells Lucky that Daddy loves you the most, you have to believe in yourself, you can complete the task super fast, and then meet Dad.
Although she still had reluctance for her father in her heart, Lucky finally wiped away her tears and set off with the other children.
Crying is a natural instinct of children to heal themselves, so when children start to cry, parents should stand by their children's side to accompany and listen.
As Dr. Wu Enying gave parents a tip in the book, when a child loses his temper or cries, try to respond like this:
In fact, accepting the child's emotions is also to let us learn to control ourselves in the face of negative emotions, and then we can help the child regulate emotions more rationally.
Let the child release the old sadness, in order to make enough space for the new happiness, the child will be stronger than before.
02 Accept your child's mistakes
"My bear children always make trouble for me"
"This kid, how many times has he said it, made the same mistake"
"Why not, make mistakes first"
You may hear many parents complain that they are always worried that their children will make mistakes and do not want to see their children make mistakes.
Regarding "making mistakes", Dr. Wu Enying said this: Growth itself is a process of "trial and error", if the child is severely criticized by the parents because he says a wrong word and does a wrong thing, then he will never dare to say or do it again, which will hinder the growth of the child.
Yes, being afraid to do it for fear of making a mistake is the biggest mistake.
So whenever a child makes a mistake, parents should think in their hearts: Don't worry, this is my child growing up.
Dr. Wu Enying also said in the book: "How can a life without disaster be a living life? It's because the children are growing up. ”
In the popular variety show "New Life Diary 2", Xiao Chun jasper, who was circled by many netizens, ran through a catastrophe.
Because he did not wear his favorite Flash clothes to shoot, he deleted all the videos that the director team had worked so hard to shoot.
After learning about this matter, the mother Ying Cai'er first controlled her emotions, did not scold or hit Jasper because of this disaster, nor did she tell him the big reason, but used a stern look and a questioning tone to make Jasper realize the seriousness of this mistake.
Then, Jasper's performance and handling stunned countless netizens.
He first looked solemn, realizing that the mistake he had made was serious.
Then take the initiative to pick up the walkie-talkie to communicate with the director and apologize.
Then, he put himself in the quilt, calmly reflected, and calmed his mood.
Finally, pluck up the courage to say sorry to all the cameras in the house.
In fact, after the child truly realizes his mistake and the seriousness of the mistake, he is fully capable of finding a way to correct it. This process of solving problems on its own is the best growth for children.
What we parents have to do is to accept and allow children to make mistakes and help children have a correct understanding of mistakes.
Do not avoid or deliberately amplify children's mistakes, mobilize children's enthusiasm, and let them learn to grow in error correction.
03 Accept your child's preferences
Cai Yuanpei said: The essence of education is to show individuality and still be natural.
Every child is born unique, although sometimes there are preferences that are not conducive to growth, such as picky eating.
But in any case, we should respect the child's personality, first accept the child's personal preferences, and do not try to use moral ethics or threats to "subdue the child" and correct the child's deviation.
In the book, Dr. Wu Enying gives us answers on how to deal with the scene of picky eating in children.
For example, children do not like to eat soybeans.
You can try to say something like, "Today your mother helped you pick out the soybeans, so you can eat well." In fact, if you are used to eating, you will find that soybeans are also very delicious. ”
You can also try to say something like this: "Soybeans are actually very delicious, but you don't like to eat them now, right?" Dad understands you, but you can't be so picky in the future, because this is the food that our human body needs. ”
You see, only by accepting the child's preferences first can we better guide him to change and accept things that he once did not like.
Of course, children's preferences are not necessarily like picky eaters, which need to be corrected by parents. Many times, we need to find the passion of the child through the child's preferences.
A friend's 10-year-old child recently always clamored to raise a small hamster, but the friend hated this hairy animal the most, so he refused his son's request.
Once in a chat, I mentioned her "strange" son, the family hates small animals, but the son likes it very much, it is really sad.
I asked her, "Are there any little animals that you don't hate?" Like little turtles, little goldfish and the like? ”
My friend's eyes suddenly lit up, yes, little turtle I can still accept, just buy one for my son.
Later, she told me that when my son got the little turtle, it was an excitement, and suddenly he became much more sensible.
When I came home from school, I no longer went to find children to play crazy for the first time, but took the initiative to feed the little turtle, change the water, bask in the sun, and record the growth of the baby turtle in the diary...
You know, before him, it was a problem to go home from school to complete his homework, and it was impossible to open a diary to take the initiative to write a diary. Today, a small turtle can help children develop good habits.
Therefore, accepting children's preferences and letting children experience the tolerance and love of parents can stimulate children's motivation for self-exploration and fully mobilize their enthusiasm.
Write at the end
Psychologist Adler famously said: Happy people use childhood to heal a lifetime, and unfortunate people use a lifetime to heal childhood.
It can be seen how important the atmosphere of the original family is to a person's impact.
As parents, we may have some regrets in childhood, so we all hope to create a warm family atmosphere for our children and pave a happy childhood for them.
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Recommended today
Dr. Wu Enying's book "The Most Gentle Parenting" gives us the most practical example of parenting.
130 common situational dialogues, let us learn to stand in the child's position, to understand the child's behaviors and emotions that have made us unbearable, and to find a more gentle and loving way of dialogue.
I hope that through this book, we can all become the most gentle parents and give our children the happiest childhood.