When chatting with students that day, students mentioned one of their own confusions: "I don't know what hard work is for." ”
Although there was not much contact, I could clearly feel that the child was excellent, knew a lot of things, and had good grades. However, he is full of bitterness and confusion, knows how to choose the subject, and even plans the major he chooses for the university, but does not know his future direction.
This is not an isolated case.
As early as 2016, Xu Kaiwen, deputy director of the Mental Health Education and Counseling Center of Peking University and doctor of clinical psychology, mentioned such a phenomenon in a keynote speech "The Economics of Hollow Heart Disease and Anxiety in the Times" at the 9th "New Oriental Family Education Summit Forum".
Very good young people, there is no obvious trauma in the process of growing up, life is good, personal conditions are superior, but they feel empty in their hearts, they can't find what they really want, just like an island floating on the vast sea, they can't feel the meaning of life and the motivation to live, and they can't even find themselves. Among the first-year students of Peking University, including undergraduate and graduate students, 30.4% of them hate learning, or think that learning is meaningless, and 40.4% of students think that living and life have no meaning, and I am now living only according to the logic of others, the most extreme of which is to give up on myself.
Dr. Kevin Xu called it "hollow heart disease."
"Hollow heart disease" refers to a psychological disorder caused by a defect in values. It has some external manifestations of depression, such as decreased interest, lack of pleasure, and low mood, but it is not an ordinary depression, but a low enthusiasm for the whole life.
Therefore, the external symptoms of "hollow heart disease" are not as severe and prominent as depression, many students look good and motivated, there is no problem with interpersonal relationships, and they have always been the pride of their parents.
But they actually have a strong sense of loneliness and meaninglessness in their hearts, and even serious suicidal ideation. But unlike depression, traditional psychotherapy and biological therapy methods have little effect on "hollow heart disease", and they cannot explore the problems of such students with the ideas of other psychological disorders to solve - they often have no problems in the original family, and solving the crux of "hollow heart disease" is not to solve the early trauma.
A student put it this way after an attempted suicide attempt: "Studying well and working well is a basic requirement, and if I study well and work well enough, I will not survive." But it does not mean that I am happy because I study well and work well, I don't know why I want to live, I am always dissatisfied with myself, I always want to do better in all aspects, but such a life seems to have no head. ”
Most of these students are very good students and the most well-behaved children since they were young, but they are not happy, do not know why they are alive, and feel empty inside. They know to learn, but they don't know why, and they don't know what value they have but to learn.
If we look at some developed countries, we will find that in "rich societies", this psychological problem has long existed and is very common. According to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a thriving society gradually meets the most basic needs of physiology, security, belonging, and love. But the need for higher levels of respect, cognitive needs, aesthetic needs, and self-actualization needs are often overlooked. When children burst out of emotional needs, pay more attention to student achievements and performance Parents are difficult to appreciate the child's psychology, so that children have no window to vent.
On the other hand, based on the consideration of time and trial and error costs, for a better future, everyone or society as a whole is in a state of excessive tension. In the context of slowing economic development and limited opportunities, competition has gradually increased, exacerbating anxiety.
In addition, in traditional Chinese family values, parents often hold the "absolute control" of students, and are overly controlled when deciding on students' subject choices and future plans. The continuation of the sense of powerlessness and the reduction of the sense of control make students gradually lose their sense of meaning and presence, fall into an existential crisis, and cannot find self-worth, let alone pursue ideals.
When asked whether students have ideals and goals, many students' first reaction is "yes", but when waiting for elaboration, it is not clear. There are also some, smooth as if endorsing, how to finally become a certain kind of scholar, expert, what kind of reputation and achievement.
The goal of being full of fame and fortune may seem clear, but it will lead you to a path that is becoming more and more lost.
Zhou Guoping, a famous contemporary Chinese scholar, essayist, philosophical researcher, and writer, once said the following passage:
"I think Chinese intellectuals have this problem, that is, the superficial sense of social responsibility is very strong, one by one must be the emperor's teacher, eager to make a difference in society, but if there is no inner spiritual pursuit as a driving force, in fact, there is a great utilitarian color." Therefore, this kind of ambition of Chinese intellectuals in the social field is often easy to rise and fall, and it is easy to change their beliefs, but in fact, there is no real belief. ”
Only when your "ideals and goals" are the true enthusiasm and expectations of your heart, can you take every step firmly and calmly. Just like in "No Questions Asked", Wu Linglan, who is "not listed" in the face of the physics exam, but gives up the literature he loves because of the obsession of "learning industry", the principal Mei Yiqi said, "(The truth is) what you see, what you hear, what you do, who you are with, there is a kind of peace and joy that overflows from the depths of the soul without remorse, nor shame." "Man places himself in the midst of busyness, with a kind of numbness and steadiness, but has lost his reality, and your youth is only these days." ”
Since 2014, the reform of the new college entrance examination has been promoted throughout the country, and in the new college entrance examination model, students have more choices, they need to choose subjects, discover their own interests and strengths, apply for their own majors, and find their own future development paths. Life planning education is even more important.
Life planning education is a complete, systematic and mature education system. It is not only career counseling, but also life planning, professional planning and academic planning. It plays an important role in guiding students to understand themselves, discover the world, and choose the future path, and helps students to "self-identity", that is, the needs, emotions, abilities, goals, values and other traits of adolescents are integrated into a unified personality framework, that is, they have self-consistent emotions and attitudes, self-consistent needs and abilities, and the emergence of self-constant goals and beliefs.
"Education is not about filling a bucket of water, but about lighting a fire." In the "good professional" career mentor training, the trainers often mention this phrase. Whether as a teacher or a parent of a student, we must also change our educational thinking, no longer pay attention to the instilling of single grades and knowledge, but pay attention to the improvement of students' personal comprehensive quality and ability.
The sense of happiness and meaning of a person's life is subjective, and a person needs to exert his own initiative to explore. In this process, parents and teachers need to guide rather than specify. Return the initiative to the students, listen carefully, take the initiative to communicate, and do not exert too much pressure on learning, but only blindly pursue grades. Learning to accept children's imperfections is the way for both students and parents to grow spiritually.
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