I'm sorry, but I'm the kind of teacher who wants to stay on my own after class

I must admit: I don't like being a teacher. Every year at the end of the summer vacation, when I hear some teachers say that they can't wait for the start of the new semester and are eager to meet students, I always have some doubts.

Even if one day my class went very smoothly, and the students were driven by my language game, as if I had climbed to the top of teaching, after a day's work, I would still be like a deflated leather ball, paralyzed, without the slightest strength.

Even though I've been teaching for twelve years, I'm often plagued by these three questions: Why should students take this course? What should I teach them? How should I teach them?

Often, I would feel frightened before I started class, as if I was about to face not a group of children, but a group of little monsters, who would make a big fuss and mess up my class to prove that I was a failed teacher.

Sometimes I would be so nervous that my stomach would hurt faintly, and when the bell rang and the students walked into the classroom, I would immediately forget the nervousness, resurrect with blood, and quickly devote myself to the role of teacher.

Before becoming a teacher, I used to work as a copywriter in an advertising agency, and then I went back to school to study as a graduate student in education, and planned to become a teacher after graduation. Advertising agencies often work overtime, and the results of work also need to wait for the approval of customers, and the pressure of work is different from being a teacher.

It's not like that it's not easy to do any job, and your salary already includes your grievances about doing the job. Each of us is fed and nourished by the final results of our work.

The final result is the salary paid at the end of the month, a thank you to the teacher after the student has achieved good results, and the inner satisfaction after a good class.

If being a teacher is just being a teacher, would I like this profession more?

For example, there is no need to be a class teacher, no morning meeting, no duty after school at noon between classes. Instead, you can concentrate on preparing to teach a good lesson, and only teach a good lesson.

Perhaps some teachers are born with a personality that likes to mingle with children, taking care of both education and care, just like parents. And I'm the kind of person who wants to stay by myself after class.

I couldn't supervise the students in the cafeteria to finish all the food on their plates, as other teachers did. I understand what teachers do, after all, eating well is important for the healthy growth of children.

But I also understand the students, and I often think that sometimes I am actually a lot like them, I don't like to eat in the cafeteria, I only like to eat the snacks I brought.

Since I didn't want to force them, I could only walk away silently. I think that when it comes to eating, let the students decide for themselves, and I don't want to use the authority of the teacher to make them obey. Sometimes when I hear students say, "I don't like school." I silently agreed.

For teachers, the process of lesson preparation is tedious, from the design of the entire course, to the implementation of each specific classroom activity, the production of courseware, it takes enough time to think and prepare. In addition to testing whether the lesson preparation is effective and successful, the teaching process also has to deal with various unexpected situations.

I don't like the process, just as athletes don't like to get up at five o'clock every morning to start training, climbers don't like to encounter bad weather, designers in advertising agencies don't like to revise design drafts over and over again, and any work that requires energy, knowledge, skills and patience goes against human nature for comfortable pleasure, and we don't like it.

But does it matter if we like it or not?

The point of the job is this: when a student with a weak foundation moves forward step by step, from zero to one, from one to ten, a few years later I suddenly find that she has run far, standing in a place that I never imagined at first, watching her face go from shyness to confidence.

At that time, as the teacher who accompanied her along the way, the sense of accomplishment and happiness in my heart and that student's heart beat the simple happiness that had not been experienced.

In fact, whether it is teaching or learning, and planting tomatoes are the same philosophy, from sowing to harvesting is a hard process, you ask farmers like to carry the sun in the field? Do you like torrential rain and pests?

No! But when the fruit is seen, when the fruit is plucked and bought and exchanged for the family's source of income, the peasant's heart is satisfied and joyful. In addition to the material harvest, the farmer is no longer the original him, he has gained experience, skills and confidence in the process of planting, and he is a better farmer.

Aren't teachers the same?

I felt that the teacher was a very ordinary profession, and I was afraid of being described as "engineer of the human soul" or the like, so I felt a lot of pressure, and my own soul had not yet fully understood.

I just want to be a teacher, to do a good job, and in the life of every student I have taught, the little bit I do can produce a little light and spark, and it is enough.