Text/Su Xin
Figure/From the network
There is a saying in psychology that when you are deeply in love with a person, you will unconsciously feel inferior, because the other party's image in your eyes at this time is perfect, and you feel more and more that you are not worthy of him.
Therefore, when a person thinks that he is not good enough in his feelings, he will continue to please the other party, even at the expense of losing his dignity.
Su Jin in the TV series "Three Lives and Three Worlds and Ten Miles of Peach Blossoms", because the clan members made great achievements in the rebellion of the counterinsurgency, they were brought back to the Heavenly Palace by the Heavenly King, enjoying the same treatment as a princess, and there was no respect for her up and down the Heavenly Palace, but in the face of love, this Qinggao Sujin was still unable to keep his dignity.
In order to let Yehua leave her, she would rather kneel in front of Yehua and cry and plead, at this time her self-esteem has been shattered by herself, but she does not know that the more she "abuses" herself, the more Yehua hates her and dislikes her. "Kneeling and licking" is not exchanged for the sympathy and pity of the other party, let alone love, but endless disgust.
Being held in the palm of the hand and stepping on the feet of the beloved person is a completely different feeling, but it is that some people are willing to disregard their dignity and feelings in front of love, and have to humbly please each other. Maybe it is afraid that I am not doing well enough, and I will run away if I do not pay attention to love.
But love and dignity are never paradoxes, and love that reduces dignity is not a good feeling. In feelings, the more flattering, the more inferior, and the more inferior, the more unfortunate.
01Why do you want to please
Some people say that the best love is "I like you just happen to like me", such love is in tune, is the love that echoes. And blindly pandering to each other, pleasing each other's love, from the beginning is doomed to end in tragedy.
The taste of blindly pleasing others is naturally not good, but why would anyone be so humble in front of love? Some people say that it is an obsession, that he thinks that he is in love with a perfect person, that it is his luck to have such a person, so he will desperately want to keep him.
People with this kind of obsession are actually inferior in themselves, he has already labeled himself as imperfect in his heart, and he has met a better person than himself, and it just so happens that this person has given himself the opportunity, so he must desperately try to get, to keep, so he will involuntarily cater to and please.
Zhu Dan, a famous program host, is a confident and cheerful beautiful woman on the outside, but few people know that she is extremely unconfident in her bones, especially in intimate relationships, and she is even more humble to the extreme, and she always feels that she is not good enough.
Once in the "Spit Conference", she confessed that she married and divorced her boyfriend who had been in love for five years because she was too unconfident, and then she married her second husband, and as a result, in this relationship, she was even more humble.
For a while, whether in variety shows or other interviews, Zhu Dan showed great admiration whenever she mentioned her husband, and if someone said that her husband was not good, she would immediately stand up for him.
In life, she obeys her husband's words, but even so, she is still humble in her heart, worried that his husband will despise her and be bad for her. It is precisely because of this inferiority complex that she made a series of slips of mouth when hosting the show, and later some netizens pimpled her as "Humble Dan".
A mentor in the fashion industry once said: "A woman, in the end, can only rely on herself, only by insisting on becoming a better self, can she live more and more confidently." ”
In love, only when women make themselves better, accept and appreciate themselves, can they live calmly and steadily, and only then can they live a wonderful and confident life.
Love should be mutual appreciation, should not be humble pandering, if you do meet someone better than yourself, think that you are not worthy of him, then do not obsess too deeply, you should know that people should be with the right person for themselves, rather than coveting a better than themselves.
As a marriage mentor said: "We should not expect to meet someone who is better than ourselves, as long as we can find someone who is as good as ourselves, don't pit others and don't let others pit themselves, it is already very good." 」 ”
02 Good love needs mutual respect
Turgenev once said: Self-respect and self-love, as a driving force for perfection, are the source of all great undertakings.
Love is even more so, in a good love, two people must respect each other, even if there is flattery, it must be mutual please. And a person's flattery can only tilt the balance of love to one side, and eventually it will be out of balance.
Even if the person who tries to please him does not say it, he must know in his heart that such a feeling of loss of dignity is not what he wants, and the love that he strives to maintain will make people very tired.
If in love, you meet someone who needs to be blindly pleased to keep, then please stay away from him, even if you love, you must give up, because he is eroding your dignity little by little, if you have to trample on dignity to maintain a relationship, it is better not to.
There was a passage on the Internet where a man proves his love to a woman, and a woman asks a boy to take a hundred steps closer to her, but when he reaches ninety-nine steps, the man no longer goes forward, and he no longer proves his love to the woman, and he says that the last step should be left to dignity.
Yes, the love exchanged for dignity must not be good love, love without mutual respect, and it must not be worth anyone's pursuit.
So, if you've lost your dignity in love, be sure to pick it up again.
03 Self-respecting people can be respected
Respect for this thing has never been given to you by others, but by yourself.
There is a Spanish proverb: If you want to win the respect of others, first respect yourself. In love, humility cannot be exchanged for the respect of the other party, and seeking perfection cannot complete yourself, only self-respect and self-love are the premise of having a good future.
Therefore, before doing anything, first of all, you must establish a strong self-confidence, even in front of the people you like, you must put dignity first, never because the other party is too good in your eyes, you can not lower the standard of treatment of yourself, let alone in the "kneeling licking" posture in front of love, that way, you can only grievance yourself.
How can we make love beautiful? Only if you are full of confidence in your heart. As the writer Bi Shumin said: "Years are experiences flowing in the blood, stories hidden in the holes of the soul tree." However, it will also easily flow out of your life posture and get a response. As long as you no longer feel inferior, everything is quiet for good. ”
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