Where is the "problem teenager"

We often say that "children are the flowers of the motherland and the future of the motherland" and "teachers are diligent gardeners", but unfortunately not every teacher can fulfill the responsibility of watering flowers with heart. On the contrary, some teachers will destroy these flowers in a very rough way, so that the children will fall into the abyss of fear and even despair.

10 years ago, I took over the chinese teaching work of a parallel class in the second year of high school, and found that there was a boy in the class who looked tall and handsome, much like a basketball star. But when I called him to answer the question, he looked flustered, stood up slowly, and stuttered as soon as he opened his mouth, not only incoherently, but also sweating profusely. The students were getting ready to coax, so I quickly asked him to sit down and said, "I'm sorry, maybe I haven't given you enough time to think, it's okay, think about it first, come back next time." ”

After class, I called him to the office and asked him when this stuttering phenomenon had started. He said that he had not spoken well since he was a child, did not like to speak, and was not welcomed by teachers. It was still a Chinese class in the first grade, and the teacher suddenly said: "Next, we invite so-and-so, who is the least fond of speaking in this class, to come to the stage and tell you the meaning of this passage." The boy said that when he heard this, his whole body froze, he could not move his feet for half a day, and then he was dragged to the podium by the teacher, saw the students coaxed at the bottom, and did not know what to say, in a shout of "hurry up and say it", he tried to open his mouth, but only heard the stuttering assertion, and finally he ran off the podium crying. From then on, as long as the teacher called him to answer the question, he stuttered, and over time, no one asked him any more questions.

Hearing this, I feel very sad, this traumatic event has brought him too much damage, even if it has been 4 years, he still has palpitations when he recalls the past. But it was clear that he was eager to change all that, saying he had no friends in the class and that people were reluctant to associate with him. I said, "That's not okay, every day after class, whenever you have time, or when you want to talk to me, you come to me in the office, and you can tell me whatever you want." The boy was very happy, and his eyes were full of anticipation.

Sure enough, the next day during the big recess exercise time, he came, and he took the initiative to talk to me about his childhood story, how cute he had a kitten. At this time, he was completely immersed in the memories of the good life of the past, and did not stutter at all. There was an occasional pause in between, and I would throw a question to prompt him to continue. 20 minutes passed quickly, and before he reluctantly left, he asked me, "Teacher, can I come every day?" "Of course, the story you told today is very interesting, it makes me think of my childhood at once, thank you." I nodded affirmatively at him and motioned for him to go to class first.

After that, he would come to me in the office almost every day, and although the conversation was a little childish, I never interrupted him, but encouraged him vigorously: "Not bad, is there anything else?" "Maybe he got more and more positive encouragement from me, and the topics he talked to me began to become richer, and even related to the secrets between his parents, such as his parents actually divorced early, his mother was a language teacher at the university, and he left the big city to support his father and went to another small county, but his father's real estate business was not booming, and then they left and so on." He also said that he had a good relationship with his mother, his mother was excellent, and his father was terrible, because his father cheated on him, and his mother only proposed a divorce later.

The information involved in the boy's conversation made me see his embarrassment of being humiliated by the teacher in the first year of junior high school, and also found that he had always been proud of his mother, but unfortunately his Chinese scores were bad, and he felt very sorry for his mother, not to mention that his mother was still a university language teacher. Under the internal and external attacks, he would stutter for so many years.

As his conversation with me became smoother and smoother, I made an agreement with him that in the future class, he would be called to answer questions appropriately, such as reading texts, etc., and the boy did not refuse. And if he wants to speak, he can gesture to me with his left hand. Later, one day in class, when I was ready to let the students read the text by name, I observed that he secretly raised his left hand, so I quickly called him to read, this time he read very fluently, although there was less depression, but it was very successful, there was no stuttering performance, the students were also very surprised, I praised him greatly, and took the lead in clapping, and the students also responded positively. At that moment, I saw the tears in his eyes.

After class, he chased me to the office to express his joy and emotion. I praised him further: "You did a great job today, next time, I'll try to get you to answer a little harder question, okay?" "Good!" He nodded heavily, a confident smile on his face, the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen since I had taught him.

Although he was not admitted to a major university in the end, only a second book, he became confident and stopped stuttering, which was already the biggest victory for him.

In fact, a child is born without any self-evaluation, but in his growth process, his parents, teachers or peers treat him unfairly, and even label him indiscriminately, which will make the child in a negative evaluation for a long time, which will lead to the child's denial of himself as a whole, and "learned helplessness" will begin.

He saw hope when I had a deep conversation with the child with low self-esteem, low security, and low self-confidence, accepted him unreservedly, encouraged him to speak boldly, and gradually eliminated the negative mindset of "I stutter when I talked". Especially when I asked him to read the text aloud in class and got positive affirmation from teachers and classmates, he finally regained his self-confidence and gained a new life.

There are no children in this world who break the jar at the beginning, when we fully accept those so-called "problem teenagers", replace negative negation with positive affirmations, help them find the crux of the problem, and then guide them step by step out of the mud pit of self-limitation, I believe that each child will live out their natural stretch life state and bloom their due light!