Author: Xu Yunhui
"The king of Chu has an order, and he has asked Qi envoys to go to the temple and offer the yellow crane, a rare bird of the Central Plains!"
Less than seven feet tall (about 150 centimeters today) and his unassuming emissaries of the State of Qi held the bird cage in their hands, hurriedly knelt down in front of the King of Chu, and after lifting the bird cage cloth, the cage was empty. King Chu suppressed his anger and asked, "The King of Qi is just playing with the widows like this?!"
Huang Hu was originally the heart and liver treasure of king Qi Wei, and qi he only endured the pain of cutting love to make Qi envoys sacrifice to the king of Chu in order to connect with the king of Chu. Qi Ling opened the lid of the bird cage out of curiosity, and the yellow crane took the opportunity to rush out of the bird cage and fly away. Qi Ling hardened his scalp and went south, and along the way, he had already prepared a belly speech.
In the face of the Chu King's rebuke, qi envoy calmly replied: "The yellow crane is in the middle of the road, and because of the water and soil, it has been calling day and night. The subject was afraid that it would not survive the king's place, so he let it out and drink some water. I didn't think that it wouldn't give the minister a little face, and the 'outflow' flew out of the shadows! The subject felt that he had the heavy trust of the King of Qi, and pulled out his sword to wipe his neck, but he could not get his hands down. Hanging the neck of the root cloth, I feel that death is ugly. The point is, if the subject is really dead, the world must not chew his tongue to talk about the King of Qi forcing a human life to die because of a bird? This is also too detrimental to the prestige of the King of Qi! ”
King Chu's face calmed down slightly: "You didn't think of buying a bird that looks similar to fool the widows?" In any case, few people have seen the real yellow crane! ”
Qi Ling hit the snake and climbed down the pole: "Great King, you are truly a god!" Chen Zhen had also touched this thought! But the minister carefully pondered: No! Great King, you are so wise and divine, how can this little carving technique of the minister hide from your eyes? If the minister really does this, it will be pure deception and disrespect for you! ”
The King of Chu began to smile: "Sir, didn't you think of neither returning to Qi nor coming to Chu, and fleeing to other countries to hide his name?" ”
Qi Envoy showed an unbelievable expression: "Great King, the minister really admires you!" You guessed that?! Don't hide from you, the minister really plans to 'grease the sole of the shoe---- I slipped away! 'But think about it, it won't work!' This is the 'weasel farting– it slips disgracefully! The subjects hid, and the diplomatic relations between Qi and Chu were naturally severed! This sinner cannot afford it! ”
After listening to this remark that was not appreciated by the four or six, the King of Chu smiled forward and backward: "Sir is really a talent!" The widow really envied that King Qi could have a faithful sage like you! So the reward was generous, and the value of the property was several times greater than that of the yellow crane.
This empty-gloved white wolf's envoy is none other than the "comical and eloquent" celebrity chun yu jie (kūn, the ancient punishment of shaving his hair).
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="55" > (1) Chun Yu Yu Yu Long Night Drink</h1>
Although Chun Yujie was born from a humble background and was a "son-in-law of Qi", he was extremely talented and intelligent. He was ordered to envoy to the princely states many times, and with his outstanding wisdom and wisdom, he never affected the reputation and dignity of the State of Qi, and became a representative and elder-level figure in the Jixia Academy Palace founded by Duke Huan of Qi.
Soon after King Qi Wei succeeded to the throne, "it is good to drink for the long night of sexual pleasure", ignored government affairs, and completely delegated power to Qing Dafu, resulting in "a hundred officials in chaos, and the princes invading", and the country was in danger. Because king Qi Wei was moody, he "did not dare to advise left and right." ”
Chun Yu was so worried that he decided to ignore the dangerous advice. Taking advantage of the characteristics of King Qi Wei who likes to speak hidden languages, he specially asked King Qi Wei to guess a mystery: "There is a big bird in our country, which flies to the courtyard of the palace, and does not fly and does not sound for three years. ”
King Qi Wei was well aware of his metaphor, and was deeply moved by his loyalty, determined to change his past wrongs, and replied: "If this bird does not fly, it will soar into the sky; if it does not sound, it will be a blockbuster." His wife Yu Ji struck the iron while it was hot and advised him to revive his strength. Zou Ji, who was born a commoner, took the opportunity to play the piano and used music theory to illustrate the theory of governing the country. Therefore, King Qi Wei ordered 72 county orders and county chiefs (more than 10,000 households are county orders, and less than 10,000 households are county chiefs) to join the dprk and report to the dprk, and adopted extreme measures to "reward one person and punish one person", so that the 36 county leaders who escaped from danger from the tiger mouth scrupulously fulfilled their duties, worked diligently and loved the people. After the great rule of the State of Qi, the King of Qi Wei regained the lost land, "The princes Zhen (Zhen) were shocked, and all of them also invaded the land. Thirty-six years. ”
The Chu state was overwhelmed by the army, and the king of Qi Wei was unable to support it, and Chun Yu was sent by the king of Qi Wei to the zhao state to ask for help. Chun Yujie saw that Qi Guo's gift was only "golden hundred pounds, carriages and horses and ten donkeys", so he "looked up to the sky and laughed", laughing until the belt of the hat was broken.
King Qi Wei was puzzled: "Sir, do you think there are too few gifts?" Chun Yu replied, "How dare you!" Qi Wei Wang Fox doubted: "You laugh like this, there must be a deep meaning!" ”
Chun Yuji smiled evilly: "You think too much!" I remembered that when I came from the east in the morning, I happened to see someone on the side of the road praying to the god of the field. He held up a pig's trotter in one hand and prayed with a wine glass in the other: 'O Heaven! With this heavy gift, I pray that you will bless me with a full barn of grain and no worries about food and clothing! I saw that he wanted to pray for such a cheap sacrifice for a rich reward from heaven, so I laughed when I thought about it! King Qi Wei suddenly realized, and ordered that the gift be increased to "golden thousand yoke, white bi ten pairs, carriage and horse hundred donkeys." King Zhao smiled when he saw Hou Li's eyebrows, "With 100,000 elite soldiers, a thousand cars." "Chu Guo heard the news, like a deflated leather ball," the night led the soldiers away. ”
For this reason, King Qi Wei set up a banquet in the harem to entertain Chun Yujie, who had worked hard and made great achievements, and asked him how much he drank while he was drinking. Chun Yu replied, "Maybe, you are drunk with a fight, and you are drunk with a stone." At the court banquet, there were law enforcement officers in front of them, and then there were Yu Shi Mang stabbing at their backs, so they could only be afraid to bow their heads and drink heavily, so if they drank less than a bucket, they would get drunk; if they accompanied the distinguished guests at home, the minister would drink at most two buckets and fall down; if he called his friends to talk about the past, he could carry five or six buckets; if he gathered between the townships, he could drink eight buckets of wine without restraint; unless he was a man and a woman at the same table, without scruples, the host sent away other guests, leaving me alone, and the minister could drink a stone of wine! Therefore, the wine is chaotic, and the joy is extremely sad. Everything in the world is the same! ”
King Qi Wei understood his ironic meaning, applauded in succession, and from then on, "it was the drink of the long night", and worked hard to rule, and eventually became a generation of Ming Emperors. Chun Yujie was also famous for repeatedly satirizing King Qi Wei and became a representative of "a word to rejuvenate the country".
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="65" > (ii) The home of the former official</h1>
You Meng, a court entertainer of the Chu state, can speak eloquently, and is especially good at using his special status" often talks and laughs. ”
The king of Chuzhuang favored a horse, fed it jujube every day, dressed it with silk silk, and set up a special bed for it in the magnificent palace. After the death of this horse due to the excessively superior conditions and the three highs, the king of Chuzhuang, such as a mourner, ordered the courtiers to mourn for the dead horse, and buried it in a coffin and buried it in the standard of the doctor's funeral. Such a wayward approach makes "left and right fight, thinking that it is impossible." King Chu Zhuang was furious and ordered with a poker face: "Whoever dares to use a horse to advise him will sin to death." ”
"Youmeng heard it and entered the temple door." Crying in the air. He replied to King Chuzhuang why he was like this: "This horse is the king's most beloved thing!" The king only buried it with the gift of a doctor, which was really wronged! The subject resolutely requested that it be buried in the specifications of the king's death: first, the coffin was carved with jade, the outer rafters were made of fine catalpa wood, and the decoration was made of precious wood such as camphor wood, and the horse was loaded into the coffin. A few thousand soldiers were sent to dig graves and build graves on the backs of the old and young people; second, to have the envoys of Qi and Zhao accompany the sacrifice in front and the envoys of the Han and Wei states to guard them in the back; finally, to build a temple for it, to sacrifice it with a taigao ceremony of 1,000 pigs, cattle, and sheep, and at the same time arrange a city of 10,000 households to make offerings. When the princely states and the people of our country learned that the king was so kind to the dead horse, they naturally understood how the king despised people and valued the horse! ”
King Zhuang of Chu repented under the sarcasm of Youmeng holding a gun and a stick, and asked Youmeng how to deal with it? Youmeng replied: "No matter how good the horse is, it should be buried in the same way as the six animals: make an outer rafter with an earthen stove, make a coffin with a copper pot, season it with ginger and dates, add it to mulan, make sacrifices with straw, make clothes with fire, and bury it in people's stomachs." "King Chu Zhuang followed the plan.
Although Youmeng has a humble status, Chu Xiangsun Shu'ao "knows his sages and treats them kindly", and they have formed a deep friendship with each other. After Sun Shu'ao used his talents to assist King Zhuang of Chu to become one of the Five Lords of the Spring and Autumn Period, he died of illness due to overwork at the age of 38. Before dying, he told his son: "I have no savings in my life, and you will surely fall into a situation of hunger and cold." When you are cornered, go to see Youmeng and say that you are the son of my grandson Ao! ”
A few years later, Sun Shu'ao's son was so poor that he had to ask Youmeng for help. Youmeng left it at home, and let people sew clothes and hats that resembled Sun Shu'ao and wear them, and tried their best to imitate Sun Shu'ao's speech and demeanor under the guidance of Sun Shu'ao's son. "Years and years, (Youmeng) like Sun Shu'ao, the King of Chu and the left and right can not be separated."
At the Chuzhuang King's banquet, Youmeng dressed as Sun Shu'ao and came forward to toast and celebrate his birthday. His ingenious imitation made "King Zhuang astonished, thinking that Uncle Sun Ao had revived him." King Zhuang of Chu wanted to re-appoint Sun Shu'ao as chancellor, and Youmeng asked to go home first and consult with his wife. Three days later, Youmeng once again disguised himself as Uncle Ao and entered the palace. King Chu zhuang couldn't wait to ask, "What did your wife say?" ”
You Meng replied: "The wife of the subject advises the subject to be cautious, it is not worth serving as Chu Xiang... She said: When Sun Shu'ao was the Prime Minister of Chu, although he made the miracle of 'being loyal to rule Chu and the king of Chu was able to dominate', after his death, 'his son had no place to stand, and he was poor and negatively paid to eat himself...' She also said that instead of learning from Sun Shu'ao, it was better for the subject to commit suicide than to learn from Sun Shu'ao! ”
Seeing that King Zhuang of Chu was caught up in memories and contemplation, Youmeng played a special role in singing and dancing: "The family lives in the mountains and cultivates the fields, and it is still rare to have food and clothing; when he goes out to become an official, he becomes a corrupt official regardless of honesty and corruption, and although he is rich for a while, he is afraid of being connected to his family because of his bribery and perverting the law; how can a corrupt official do it!" What is the point of wanting to be a clean official who abides by the law and scrupulously fulfills his duties? 'Chu Xiangsun Uncle Ao held on to his death, and Fang Jin's wife was poor and had to pay and ate', so the Qing officials were not worth doing! “
The king of Chuzhuang, as daigo, was empowered, and sincerely thanked Youmeng for pointing out his mistakes in this way and for complaining to Uncle Sun Ao, "But summoned Uncle Ao Zi of Sun and sealed the four hundred households on the hill to worship him." ”
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="76" > (3) Youxu forbids the tyrant's desires with one word</h1>
Zhān (zhān), a dwarf court entertainer of the Qin Dynasty, was good at using jokes to illustrate the truth.
Once, when Qin Shi Huang set up a banquet to entertain his courtiers, the rain poured down and the rain and wind were fierce. The guards standing guard at the foot of the stairs were drenched in soup and shivered in the wind and rain. "You see and mourn", and said to them to cooperate with the acting. When there was a brief mute of the group of courtiers "Long live the Shangshou Hu", he shouted near the railing: "Guards! Although you are tall, what good is it? You can only stand guard in the open air rain. Although I am short, I have the privilege of resting in the temple! Qin Shi Huang realized the sound of his words, and the chartered guards were halved from then on and took turns to take over.
Qin Shi Huang had an ambitious attempt to expand the hunting area to "Hangu Pass in the east and Yong and Chen Cang in the west." Yu yu clapped his hands and applauded, "Great! Raise more birds and beasts in such a large area, and once the enemy invades from the east, let the elk use their horns to meet the enemy! Qin Shi Huang suddenly realized, canceling this plan to work hard and hurt the people's wealth.
After Qin II ascended the throne, he thought of a whimsical idea to move the people to paint all the walls of the capital. Yusuke repeated the trick: "Great! Painting the city wall will certainly bring deep disasters to the people, but paint the city wall smooth and shiny, so that the enemy army can step by step when it enters the city, how moist! It's just that it's easy to get together so much paint, but where can you find a big house that can make the walls paint and dry? Qin II realized his absurdity and stopped mentioning it.
Chun Yujie, Youmeng, and Youxu were from humble origins, and they were originally small people who gave the king a relief from sorrow. But they did not dare to forget the worries of the country, and with their superb and rich language art satirized the king, they became the whistleblowers of the "one word to rejuvenate the country" that was passed down to future generations. Therefore, Sima Qian, in the "Records of History" with the words such as Gold, specially added the "Funny Column Biography" to record their deeds, and highly praised their role in ruling the world as no less than "the six arts" (''Li' is based on festivals, "Le" is based on peace, "Book" is based on Taoist affairs, "Poetry" is used to achieve meaning, "Yi" is deified, and "Spring and Autumn" is moral).
The outstanding performance and achievements of Chun Yuji and others tell future generations: whether in the official arena or the workplace, as long as you have the heart of worrying about the world and the good nature, supplemented by outstanding language skills, you will definitely be unfavorable!
【About the author】Xu Yunhui, male, graduated from the Department of Chinese of Yunnan Normal University in 1984 and is now a senior lecturer at Baoshan No.1 Middle School Education Group in Yunnan Province. He has published two monographs and published more than 600,000 words in literary journals at or above the provincial level.
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